Survivor: Exile Island cast revealed

Cafe Society
1

I am bored, waiting for the February second premiere, so when I saw the cast release, I decided to do the first ever pre-season Rich Ratings. Since I have absolutely nothing but their bios to go off, I am really just pulling it out of my ass. As you will see, it is not much different than the weekly Ratings…

And so, the less anticipated, highly derivative RICH RANKINGS!

FORGOT TO FILE A 1040- I guess you couldn’t outwit everyone!

Everyone can still win the Super Bowl in the preseason!

EATING BEEF JERKY- You’re still playing, but you’re praying for a tribe scramble!

Melinda- 32 Year Old, Singer- As someone on a fan site said, her bio reads like someone who was too old to try out for American Idol.
Courtney- 31, Performance Artist- Was once on an NCAA Champion Gymnastics team. Now she creates circus acts. A little bizarre.
Ruth-48, Leasing Director- She’s the oldest female on the show AND she doesn’t sound interesting.
Nick- 25, Waiter- So bland. I predict he is the first to get the boot.

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A MERGE?- Middle of the pack players, the lotta ya!

Austin- 24, author/model/actor- That’s a lot of “slashes” on the career description.
Danielle- 24- Medical Sales Rep.- She’s the prettiest one on the show.
Sally- 27- Social Worker- Cute. That’s all I got.
HEY! LOOK AT HIS MOHAWK-You might make the merge, but you’re grimacing from the jury row!

Aras- 24, Yoga Instructor- Yet he has his MBA. I shouldn’t mock him. I have a law degree and dream of driving the UPS Truck.
Misty- 24, Engineer- One of several contestants who are former beauty contestants. Wow. An engineer who was a beauty queen. That is like a Dilbert-nerd fantasy!
Shane- 35, Owner of an Entertainment Marketing Company- He is the sleazy guy that will make it further than you want. I am calling him for the villain of this series, probably because he looks like Kevin Federline.
LOOKING FOR A BIG TOM TO ENGLISH DICTIONARY- Big Tom has spent more combined days on the show than anyone. But he didn’t quite grab the brass ring.

Cirie-35, Nurse- Oh my goodness! A black person. I didn’t know Survivor casted black people anymore after the shameful absence in Guatemala. I’m betting Cirie is a maternal figure and makes it to the merge.
Bruce- 58, Karate Instructor and HS Teacher- The first Japanese American in the show’s history. It is turning into a regular United Nations! Did Burnett finally get my letters? It seems Bruce is that teacher that everyone likes. That type of skill is helpful in Survivor. Someone WILL compare him to Mr. Myagi. Possibly Shane.
Tina- 45, Lumberjack- You know you are already humming Monty Python. Someone will reference this on the show. Possibly Shane. Sad story surrounding Tina, though. She was accepted for Guatemala but her son died in a car wreck shortly before. I can’t imagine losing a child, so part of me will root for Tina no matter what.
Terry- 46, Pilot- Former Naval Fighter Pilot. Cool. Someone will compare him to Maverick from Top Gun. Possibly Shane.

ARE YOU A RAT OR A SNAKE?- Reserved for a MAXIMUM of two players. You have to be in the driver’s seat for this spot.

Bobby- OMG! A second black person! Time to repent. Armageddon is upon us. And here is the biggest surprise: Bobby seems INTERESTING. It appears Burnett went beyond his stereotypical view of blacks and cast someone other than “angry black” or “foolish black”! At first, reading his bio, I was concerned. He is from the streets of LA and lost three friends to gang violence. (So far, typical Burnett ideal of blacks), but his parents got him into a private prep school. He then went on to play baseball, and graduate Cum laude, from Amherst. He’s now a lawyer after graduating from STANFORD law school. And get this? He’s a comic book fan. Screw watching him on Survivor, I want to see the Movie! He’s kind of like a more successful Antwoine Fisher…to whom Shane will quite possibly compare him.
Dan- 52, Astronaut. That’s right. Astronaut. He’s been up three times! He’s not a pilot, he’s a scientist, so he may not be as rigid. Probably the odds on favorite to make the final four. Why? Because he’s an astronaut! There WILL be “Right Stuff” references, but, probably NOT by Shane. Sadly, the producers will have Dan himself make one every time the storyline is about him.

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SEMI-SPOILER NOTE - They describe how the teams will be split up on CBS.com - that’s the only source of this information. Not really a spoiler, but don’t read it if you’re a go-in-100%-fresh kinda person!

Interesting teams this year. I’m assuming this is how they’ll end up.

Older Women:

Ruth-48
Tina- 45
Cirie-35
Melinda- 32

Younger Women

Courtney- 31
Sally- 27
Danielle- 24
Misty- 24

Older Men

Bruce- 58
Dan- 52
Terry- 46
Shane- 35

Younger Men

Bobby- 32
Nick- 25
Austin- 24
Aras- 24

I’m really looking forward to this season, especially the whole “Janu Island” twist. It’ll be funny when they reveal the teams too. See you on February 2!

3

Hey, middleman, nice job already! I myself have been noticing the large gaps in my TiVo’s schedule, so now is as good a time as any to start counting the days until the new “Survivor” starts. My first impressions? “My goodness, these people are awfully pretty.” And also, “Should I be concerned that I already love Dan a little bit, because he kind of looks like Gary?”

Your categorizations are pretty much the same as mine, so I will chirp in here with a few random useless comments, and links to each Survivor’s bio, because I feel like being “helpful” (plus, sometimes you can’t get to the bio info if you click through the site):
[ul]
[li]Aras: He looks like he could be James Denton’s little brother, which is OK by me. But, he lists “meditating” among his hobbies. Um, ew. I hope he’s not all weird and boring.[/li][li]Austin: I have never heard of the novels he’s written so far … but I bet we’ll be hearing about his “Survivor” experiences later, when he writes a book about his time on the show! Meh.[/li][li]Bobby: Really really dig this guy! Hope he is not destined to come in third, like some of my other favorites. If you can hear me, Bobby - more Ethan and less Ian, OK?[/li][li]Bruce: Am I a bad person because I just cannot even read the name “Bruce” without a lisp? Anyway, this guy fascinates me. Has he ever been in a Weezer video?[/li][li]Cirie: I don’t like her, and I don’t know why. Maybe because she lists “working with a personal trainer” as a sport? Of course, this is America, where skee-ball is a sport, so.[/li][li]Courtney: Is “performance artist” the new “magician’s assistant”? Courtney’s kind of cute. And she’s only 20 days younger than I am! But, she does not move me much. Another meh.[/li][li]Dan: Hi Gary! Oops, they’re not the same guy. But Dan is one of my early favorites. Lots of cool jobs this time, and Dan has one of the best. I hope he does well, because I’m a sucker for spacemen.[/li][li]Danielle: Wow. Lots and lots of teeth on this one. Seriously, her incisors are huge. And I’m easily distracted. You rarely see teeth that big outside the Midwest. Yowza! [/li][li]Melinda: She’s kind of a cutie, but I’m not wild about the Lorrie Morgan hair. Whoever said she sounds like she’s too old for “American Idol” is totally right. I don’t expect her to last very long.[/li][li]Misty: When I look at her all I can see is Dani, which is both a good and a bad thing. Mostly bad, because Dani is a tough act to follow. I wonder if she competed in pageants with Christie and Nicole of TAR5? She sounds around the same age, and she’s from the same state.[/li][li]Nick: Now, Nick looks like what would happen if Mel Gibson and James Denton had a bastard love-child. Beyond that, I could not give a rat’s ass about this guy. He said he wanted to be on Survivor to “meet smart, beautiful women.” Yeah, because we don’t exist anywhere else, right? Butthead.[/li][li]Ruth Marie: Either this woman is lying about her age, or she has an excellent plastic-surgeon-slash-sugar-daddy, because there is no way in Hell I believe she is 48. All these former beauty queens this season![/li][li]Sally: I like Sally a really lot, for no real reason except that she looks an awful lot like an old high school friend of mine. Another one with big chompers, though. But, she’s from the Midwest, so that explains a lot.[/li][li]Shane: Total grossness. This guy icks me out. I hope’s out soon. He sounds like an agent-in-training, and I bet somehow he’s responsible for Jerri Manthey ending up on this show.[/li][li]Terry: He seems a decent fellow, although he lacks the charisma of Hunter from a few seasons back (at least at this point). Nothing stand out about him except that he seems the leadership type, which can sometimes be the kiss of death.[/li][li]Tina: Whaa … when did I get transported back to 1989? I don’t know what I did with my Aqua Net. A terrible shame about her son. I hope her grief does not impair her gameplay. She has an interesting occupation, and she seems alright (if in need of having her ends trimmed a bit).[/li][/ul]
So, yeah. That’s what I think. And you will totally be hearing lots of references to “Zippy” in the weekly threads, too. Whoo hoo!

4

So with nothing else to talk about, we can always snark about occupations, right?

I’d say a 25-year-old waiter sounds like Final 4 material, or at least the jury. Actually, that’s what Bobby Jon was, right?

I remember last season thinking “whoa! magician’s assistant? how cool…what possibilities for entertainment!” Not so much, as it turned out.

Is there a pharmaceutical sales rep every season?

5

You know, maybe it’s mean of me, but whenever I see someone descibe themselves as being many professions, I know it’s because they’re not successful in any of them. :smiley:

6

Shane’s son’s name is Boston??? Is the kid’s middle name Rob?

7

Dan builds robots. I think we have the SDMB favorite, here.

8

Why does this remind me of that bank commercial on identity theft? Dan’s trying to win enough money to finish his robot…his *girl[/] robot…heh heh heh.

9

Robot builder vs. Comic Fanboy From the Ghetto.

Tough call.

10

Interesting, her label says Social Worker, but her description says that she currently works as a waitress and bartender. I guess those jobs are kinda social.

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It certainly makes me like him even more than I did before. A spaceman AND a robot builder, whose favorite scent is “cookies in the oven” and whose favorite cereal is Cap’n Crunch. SCORE! He’s a little too old to marry me, but … adopt me, Dan!

Then again, there’s Bobby, whose favorite “board games” include Magic: The Gathering and who lists single malt scotch among his favorite scents. He also loves “The Daily Show” and red Gatorade. And he’s cute, although a little tougher-looking than the guys I usually like.

So it’s Old Nerd vs. Young Nerd in early positions of power. This could be an excellent season, y’all!

12

Here is Dan’s, erm… Dr. Barry’s NASA bio, for anyone who’s interested.

13

You guys, that space suit is hot. I have to admit, Dan isn’t quite my usual cup of tea, but that space suit is really hot.

14

I didn’t get into last season at all. But Misty is reeling me in. Dan is also pretty damn interesting. 700+ hours in space. Builds robots for a living. How fricken sweet is that? Not quite as sweet as Misty though.

15

I also heard a snippet while watching Survior:The Amazon on OLN. It went to a commercial and I wasn’t paying complete attention, but I heard:

“Four teams. Men versus women. And an island of Exile.” There was something else but I didn’t catch it all.

(lines up with what Slacker said.)

Also in regard to what Slacker posted, I wonder how Melinda (32) feels about being with the “Older Women” when Courtney (31) is with the “Younger Women.”
Same with Shane (35, Older Men) and Bobby (32, Younger Men), although that kind of thing probably doesn’t matter much to guys.

16

CBS revealed a spoiler about what happens in episode 2, for some reason. I wish I hadn’t read it, but here it is for those so inclined to know:

The four tribe breakdown doesn’t last. In episode 2, they do the school yard pick system to get it down to two teams.

Also, one of the quirks of the Exile Island:

A “ziggy” is hidden on the island. So, if you get banished, you could come back with immunity. Kind of like Obi Won Kenobi. “If you strike me down…”

17

Psssst! It’s Zippy. Cite. Although, on some weird level, the thought of Ziggy festering in the wilderness amuses me.

18

I thought it sounded wrong at the time.

19

So where is this one going to be. I thought I heard it was Panama again. Is it the Pearl Islands again, or somewhere else?

20

You gotta love a man who lists “The Tick” as one of his favorite tv shows. I wonder if he’ll work Spoon! into one of the competitions?