Survivor: Guatemala Ep. 9 - "Secrets and Lies and an Idol Surprise"

Yes, we hates him, precious. However, he just said “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” Everything else aside, that’s frickin’ comedy gold.

Well damn! I’m always disappointed when Bobby Jon gets the boot.

So anyone else think Judd might end up as Gary’s bitch next week?

I’m starting to like Gary a LOT more.

I though Zippy guaranteed a spot in the Final Four. Does Gary get him back?

I thought it only assured you of a place in the final four if you played it at the right time. Gary needed it so he had to use it tonight instead of saving it for later.

You guys, I took notes this time so I wouldn’t forget anything! But I will anyway, never you mind. The point is: I’m a total nerd! Whooppee!

Anyway … where the hell was Howlie this week? I feel like this episode was incomplete somehow. Perhaps it was “a very special episode”? You know, the ones about Important Issues, like Alcohol Abuse and Mental Illness and Telling The Truth? It was like the ABC Afterschool Special Edition of “Survivor: Guatemala.” What the hell is going on? I want my Junior Mints!

So, I was right about who found Saint Zippy, but my timeline was off. Good for you, Gary! I know a lot of people think he’s a terrible liar, and he totally is, but he’s also a hell of a lot smarter than we gave him credit for earlier. Good on him! I’m glad he found Saint Zippy of the Shit-Luck, and now I guess we’ll see next week if he’s back up for grabs, or what.

Also, Judd is dumb as a bag full of hair. Moron: If you tell a lie, have the sense to stick to it! Or, at the very least, pay attention to what everyone else is doing around you. Did he not see Gary out there looking for Saint Zippy, or was he just so convinced of his own brillant-fucking-geniusship that he figured he didn’t have to care? God. How has he not been shanked in his sleep yet?

Oh, and Stephenie has such a big mouth. It might not have been intended, but when she said “it would be amazing” if Gary found Saint Zippy, I totally picked up on the unspoken “… because my buddy completely lied to him about where to look and I know where it is and he’ll never find it and neener neener neener!” Shut. Up.

Poor Bobby Jon! I’m sorry to see him go, because in a lot of ways I like him better than Steph, and I think he deserves to be there maybe a little more than she does (because, all along, he’s been honored to be playing the game again, instead of acting like Burnett owes him a big damn favor), but I’m kind of glad he’s gone, too. Every time I see him, I think about him using his own skin for bait. And that’s ewwy.

Draelin: I think last week we determined that Saint Zippy was "was yours to keep until the Final Four or until you need it, whichever comes first. " No decision on whether he gets rehidden for next week, or what. (Oh, and please note that, like many truly crazy people, I apparently have The Sight. Somehow, I knew that Saint Zippy was getting used this week.)

The Hogeboom Hail Mary! Gary pulls it out in the fourth quarter! Take the food out of the refrigerator! Don’t switch over to Heidi! (Insert at least three more sports cliches!)

And this is why they introduced the second idol. For a moment like that. Of course, then the tribes switched to the predictable backup plan of Bobby Jon and Gary’s exit probably just moves to next week. But dammit, we had a moment! And in ten years, when we are watching VH1’s Top 100 Moments in Survivor History, and at #53, they show Gary slowly walking up to give Jeff the idol, we’ll forget all that.

Sidenote- When Judd was eating his meal, I could not stop humming “He’s eating rockle lobster…ROCKLE LOBSTER!”

And so, the less anticipated, highly derivative RICH RANKINGS! (N or Y for Tribe (Nakum or Yaxha) and Last Week’s Ranking in Parentheses).

FORGOT TO FILE A 1040- I guess you couldn’t outwit everyone!

Jim,Morgan,Brianna, Brooke, Blake,Brian,Margaret,Amy,Brandon- Can you see Probst spending more than the obligatory ONE question with any of these guys at the Reunion Show? Maybe Amy when talking about the Hogeboom/Hawkins mystery, but while she’s answering the second question, Jeff will already be asking Judd about getting busted looking up by Gary…which is VH1’s #91 Top Moment in Survivor History.

THE BOBBY JON LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD- The Jury deserves a special distinction from those in loser lodge.

Bobby Jon- (Y/Jerky)- Oh, Juror #1. They like you, but they don’t “like you” like you. I’d say as a juror, he is completely persuadable. Even by Jamie. His place on the jury doesn’t effect the balance of the game.

EATING BEEF JERKY- You’re still playing, but you’re praying for a tribe scramble!

Jamie- (N/Judd)- No more Judd category this week. Sure the food move was transparent, and you are acting like Gene Hackman in The Conversation, but that behavior is allowed by the Eaters of Jerky. If you hadn’t have won immunity, I think there is a chance Rafe and Cindy would have scrambled when Gary broke out the immunity and voted you out…

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A MERGE?-

Judd- (N/Merge)- I think Gary is going to out you as a liar. What looked like a good move to buddy up to Steph and burn the others backfired. Also, the gesture to Bobby Jon at the dinner was a nice way to get his jury vote. So you stay at merge.
Lydia- (N/Tom)- For the first time in a while, Lydia goes down. Not because of the previews showing her as indecisive, but because I am not sure any of the remaining members of the alliance with numbers is smart enough to keep her around. There are some dumb people this season. I mean dumb by even Reality TV standards!

HEY! LOOK AT HIS MOHAWK-You might make the merge, but you’re grimacing from the jury row!

Danni- (Y/Mohawk)- I am still holding out hope that she can make a move, but I must say, her skinniness is getting ridiculous. I thought she would take a dive at the reward challenge because she wanted the smallest meal. I mean, how can we be sure that Judd puked in the tent? Danni DID have a big meal. I’m just sayin’…
Cindy-- (N/Tom)- Almost everyone is dropping a spot this week. Cindy seems smart, but I don’t think anyone looks at her as an ally. Notice that Gary voted for Cindy because he figured no one would care! I think she will wait for her time to be voted off, and then be shocked it happens. I hope she surprises me, because her comments at tribal council are enjoyable.

LOOKING FOR A BIG TOM TO ENGLISH DICTIONARY- Big Tom has spent more combined days on the show than anyone. But he didn’t quite grab the brass ring.

Rafe- (N/Tom)- Smart enough to know that Jamie was being “nice” SOLELY for your benefit. Likable enough to win it if you make it to the final two. But needs to show ONE moment of pure evil to crack the rat/snake.

ARE YOU A RAT OR A SNAKE?- Reserved for a MAXIMUM of two players. You have to be in the driver’s seat for this spot.

Gary- (Y/Rat)- Came through in the clutch. (Sorry…more sports cliches). It is possible that Gary will run the table from here on out in the ICs. He is a physical threat, yet everyone admires him. I could see Rafe having a weak moment and flipping to save Gary. No matter what, this week Gary was not voted out. Some would say that hidden idol meant that Gary got a mulligan.
Stephenie- (N/Rat)- I still think she’s in the driver’s seat. But the closer to the final four, the more I think “she had her shot” becomes effective.

Cool! But also, eww! But, still, cool! I have entered your psyche forever and ever amen!

I finally figured it out-- Rafe is Hoop from Stroker and Hoop! My life is complete.

Still not caring about the people. Steph didn’t make me want to punch her this week. I guess that’s something.

That had to be one of the best Survivor moments ever…I particularly loved the dramatic pause Gary inserted in there before pulling out Mini-Me. Great theater…one almost has to wonder if one of the staff told him where the damned thing was just to make things more interesting.

I guess the same staff member who tipped off “Football Chic” on Gary’s previous employment.

Good for Gary. He’s still got at least one more Hail Mary to pull off to get to the final four, but it’ll be fun to see if he can do it.

It kinda looks like Jamie has got to go, for his own good. He really does seem to be fading in and out of reality.

To me the big question is - did Jamie knowingly lie about Gary voting for him or did he just misunderstand what Gary was telling him? My vote, based on everything we’ve seen so far, is to assume Jamie is stupid and go with the latter.

But if not, we’ve got Jamie lying to Gary about voting for Bobby John and lying to everyone else about what Gary said. We’ve got Judd, with an assist by Stephenie, lying to everybody else about what his clue said and lying in a pool of his own vomit. We’ve got Rafe lying to Judd about never voting against him. We’ve got Gary lying about his name, lying to Bobby John and Danni about not knowing who was getting voted out, lying by omission to everybody else by not telling anyone he had the idol, and lying at Tribal Council about never telling any lies. We’ve got Cindy and Danni lying to everybody by concealing the fact they’re having a torrid lesbian love affair everytime the cameras are turned away. And we’ve got Lydia lying about being so perky when she secretly hates them all and plans on killing everybody on air at the live reunion show.

THAT I would pay to see live.

So, the tape in the VCR ran out of tape just as Gary noticed Judd looking into the trees. Luckily, Moonwife heard the tape rewinding and popped in another one (shocked she was able to find the “record” button on the remote). The next thing I saw was Gary pretending he didn’t have Zippy and then… great play-action fake and touchdown pass to Jeff running a post route!

Question: did they show Gary actually find Zippy, or did it just catch us all by surprise when he plopped it down?

Good for Gary, BTW. He is showing how mentally and physically bad-ass an NFL quarterback is, even a mediocre one 10 years after his playing days. I really like Rafe and Danni, but I have a lot of respect for him. If I were in competition against Gary I’d be like Steph: more than a little frightened by the guy.

I think Jamie is toast next week. He’s LOST it.

All they showed was a couple seconds of Gary walking (presumably back to camp) holding something, of which only a small bit was visible, behind his back. Of course, everybody knew what it was.

I didn’t see him carrying it, but I miss a lot of things, but I had a feeling he had it. I think Judd didm’t see him out there, if he had he would have stopped looking up in the trees. He can’t be that dumb. Which means he didn’t see Gary, **or **the camerman walking around out there. I dunno, maybe we’ll find out next week. Should be good when he tells the others about how Judd lied. Still, Judd is the guy you want in the final 2 with you.

Good episode. At least Bobby Jon made it to jury, so his lifetime wish has been fulfilled.

They just glossed over the fact Judd heaved again. I thought they’d make a bigger deal about it. I would if someone hevd where i sleep. They must just be getting used to Judd being a pig.

Anyone know who voted for the zookeeper??

That was one of my notes: “garblegarblegarble (microwave popcorn grease stain) garblegarble.” Which I think translates to: “Jamie has gone completely around the bend.” I know that Gary mumbles a lot, but he very clearly said “I’m VOTING WITH you at Tribal Council.” Hubby suggested that perhaps Jamie heard Gary say “going” instead of “voting,” but I think not. Jamie’s just gone completely monkeyshit insane. I can honestly say that I haven’t seen such unmedicated paranoia on television outside of the show “Cheaters” in a loooooooooong time.

Me too. I hope she takes out Probst while she’s at it.

Yes. And I am saying this in spite of being a (beleaguered) Philadelphia Eagles fan who hates the Dallas Cowboys with every fiber of her being, down to the DNA level. It takes a lot for me to admit respect for anyone associated with that organization. And I’m not even doing it begrudgingly. Gary’s got some powerful mojo going on down in that jungle. I think I might even lurve him, a weensy little bit.

Gary. I think he knew it wouldn’t matter. I also think it gave away the alliance that exists among the remaining original Yaxhás (minus Jamie).

Yeah, but he stole it from 50 Cent, so he gets zero points.

I finally figured it out - Judd reminds me of my ex-husband. He comes off as funny and a little charming at first, but then you realize he’s dumb and stupid and a pathological liar, and a bad one at that. Yes, the number one rule of lying is *stick to your lie[i/] (and don’t get caught!).
“Hey, everyone, I’ll be a Nice Guy. Saint Zippy the Immunity Idol is on the ground somewhere. Now, stay here at camp while I go look for him, mmkay?”
As he wanders off to look for Saint Zippy, Gary follows him and notices Judd’s looking up, in trees and whatnot, rather than on the ground. Judd’s too stupid to notice Gary’s behind him watching him. He had to have seen Gary - there were shots of the two of them, with Gary close behind Judd. Gary, being no dummy, figures out that Judd lied. He looks around in trees and finds Saint Zippy.
Yay for Gary!!