I just got a text from the mother of my child, telling me that she doesn’t think it’s appropriate for him to wear sweatpants to school because she thinks they’re tacky; will I please send him in jeans or shorts, thank you.
Whaaaat thfuk?
They’re black cotton pants…I guess you could call them ‘sweatpants’, but it’s not like they’re grey drawstring gym pants.
He’s 4…
“School” is a two-day-a-week, morning pre-school. No dress code for those, as far as I know.
It’s in a catholic church, thought it’s not a religious pre-school…if that’s supposed to make a difference, it certainly doesn’t to me.
I think I’ll have him wear his shirt that’s covered in skulls Wednesday.
How cluelessly tacky am I? Why the hell can’t a 4 year-old wear black cotton pants to preschool?
This may not apply, but I’m reminded of my cousin’s ex husband and his first wife. They had 2 kids. When he got the kids for a weekend, she’d send them with just the clothes they were wearing. He’d have to buy them some changes of clothing for the weekend. And he’d send them back to their mother’s with the boys. Eventually, he wised up to what she was doing and started keeping the new clothes at his place for them to wear when he had them.
Normally I’d be all “Just let the kid wear what he wants”. But in this case, this could just lead down a road of nasty acrimony and pettiness that it’s just best to keep the kid out of.
It sounds like the ex (?) will have other things to fight about in the future if she’s being picky about this. Choose your battles wisely.
Are they in decent condition and fit well? Assuming yes, she’s being silly, but I couldn’t say for sure without seeing a picture. Some sweats look fine and others do look sloppy, just the way they’re cut or something.
Addressing only the pants and not any larger issues: Do they look like pajama bottoms? Do they let his underwear show out the back? Is there any issue of them not readily staying up during active play (e.g., our baby wiggles out of sweat pants, but he’s crawling).
I’m the Mom in a similar situation. Two days a week, my ex is responsible for dressing our four year old for school. And yes, sometimes I roll my eyes at his selections…he has a wonderful ability to pick the most mismatched clothing possible. But that’s the most I ever do…roll my eyes to myself. Because, like you said, he’s four. And because I have no desire to fight over something so trivial.
Your ex is crazy, or is looking to pick a fight. Don’t rise to the occasion, would be my advice. Just do as she asks and live your life in peace. Choose a different sword to thrust yourself upon.
I agree with her. Sorry. Here’s how I see it, you start dressing them decently now, it becomes a pattern and is not a battle later (like in Kindergarten or 1st grade) when you want them to actually look decent.
FYI- I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old. I also grew up poor and the only thing I had to wear in elementary school were things like ratty sweatpants so I’m sure that colors my reply…
Both of my sons greatly preferred sweatpants and other similar clothing until they were at least 10 or so. Until they need to start carrying money or ID, what’s the BFD? The mother is being petty and/or trying to start a fight. How you choose to respond is up to you, but the issue is NOT sweat pants on a four year old. How are the other kids at the preschool dressed?
Ask her to send what she wants him to wear to school. Yes, it’s stupid. But this poor little guy is going to be the yo-yo unless you protect him from it.
The thing is, four is about the age they want to dress themselves. The outfits can get pretty amusing for a couple of years.
I wouldn’t call it tacky, but it is dressed down. My son (Kindergarten) gets sweatpants for gym days, and regular pants for other days.
If he’s fighting you to let him dress down, I’d try to hold the line on wearing nicer pants, rather than going the easy way with sweats. It’s just going to get harder the older he gets, and more important to dress nicely.
I’d have to see the actual pants in question to know whether I’d consider them school pants. I also tend to the practice of establishing nicer dress for school early on, even if it’s only preschool.
But regardless, it’s a parenting/fashion preference and not a moral issue, I won’t think less of your kid if he goes to school in sweatpants.
I also can’t tell if this is really an underlying issue with your ex-wife. You said she said “please” … was that sarcastic, or was her request pleasant? (I know it’s hard to tell from a text.) It’s also possible to read her request as “hey, let’s start this habit now of wearing nicer clothes to school, could you please support me on this?” Whether or not you agree to go along with it, asking about it is perfectly reasonable on her part. I will also recognize that she might be a complete hosebeast, and is using this issue to nefariously inconvenience you.
I’m as much in the “Sweat pants in public are tacky” camp as anyone but I don’t apply it to four year olds – and having a 3yr old I can picture the pants you describe perfectly and wouldn’t call them “sweats”.
I’ll let everyone else discuss the obvious meta-issues here but to answer the OP directly, no not tacky.
For the record, I know lots of people with toddler boys and a great number of the boys have gone through a phase (usually around 4 or 5) when they won’t wear anything but sweatpants. One wouldn’t wear anything but sweatpants but he couldn’t wear ones with elastic at the ankles. Another kid insisted on wearing pajama pants all the time, so his mom had to buy knit pants so he could sleep in them and wear them to school (opposed to wearing Buzz Lightyear jammies).
So anyway, your ex might think sweatpants at school are tacky but I’m sure they are by no means rare to see.
My daughter’s mom was like this. She wanted me to agree to never have our daughter’s hair cut because “You’ll shave her head. You already dress her like a boy.” This was all because I bought her one pair of girls khaki cargo shorts.
I have no advice. I got custody and the complaints magically ceased.