Here follows a column from UNC’s new alternative student paper, Virtuous Woman. Yes, as far as I can tell, they are being entirely serious. Yes, the whole paper is like this. (I’m waiting with bated breath for the next issue, in which our columnist “will be talking about the act of homosexuality, which is an abomination to GOD.” Did I mention that the taxpayers of North Carolina are footing the bill for this publication?)
Anyway, without further ado…
To which my roommate and I have added:
“I hope you don’t mind me staring at your chest; I’m lifting mine eyes unto the hills whence cometh my help.”
“I’d like to get to (nudge, wink) know you better.”
“I’m with the Gideons – want to go to a hotel with me and ‘spread the Gospel’?”
“Jesus said we should wash each other’s feet; why don’t we do him one better and take a shower together?”
But I’m sure the rest of the Dopers can improve on these…
They have read the Song of Solomon, right? It’s a wonderful, moving, ancient ode to the power of passion. Somehow it doesn’t doesn’t inspire one to celibacy.
Great topic, though. There’s a fundie Bible college nearby, where all the women wear braids, long skirts and clunky shirts. They’re like Amish without the peace or grace. (BTW, they are also a standing joke for aching, endearing promiscuity. Forbidden fruit isn’t just metaphorical.)
(Only applies to certain sects of the Christian spectrum
“Would you care to not dance?”
or, alternatively,
“Can I buy you a rootbeer?”
or perhaps you’re Amish (cribbed from Al Yankovic)
“Let’s party like it’s 1699!”
A committee is a lifeform with six or more legs and no brain.
Heh, heh. This reminds me of one of Dave Letterman’s top 10 lists: Top 10 Amish Pick-up Lines. I don’t remember them all but one was; “Thy buggy has a bitchen’ laquer job!” and another something like: “You really have the figure for that plain, shapeless dress!”
“I get the meat and the cheese, but why the bun?”
“Yeah, a bun is neither meat nor cheese.”
“Word!”
