The thing I miss the most about BBS’s is the taglines. I loved having a gigantic list of taglines for any occasion. And I’m going to share them now. Most come from the Simpsons or Bloom County. If only message boards made it easy to switch taglines or sigs with every post… sigh
“A,” he would say, then “B,” “C” would usually follow…
“Are you being sarcastic?” “I don’t even know anymore.”
“D’oh!” “A deer!” “A female deer!”
“How To Serve Humans”! It’s a cookbook!!!
“Kill, Bart! Kill, Bart!” “Kill BART! Kill BART!”
“Makin’ bacon on the beach.” “Hmmm… bacon…”
“Now what?” “Now we dance.” “How?” “With abandon.”
“Ok, what’re we trying to capture here?” “Consciousness.”
“You got me a… black Kleenex?” “It’s LINGERIE!”
6 AM and already the boy ain’t right.
A caress is better than a career.
A cat is a diagram and pattern of subtle air.
A cat is always on the wrong side of the door.
A cat, even when motionless, seems to flow.
A day without denial is a day you have to face.
A dog is a dog, a bird is a bird, and a cat is a person.
A dog is prose; a cat is a poem.
A good goat will do that.
A man who is wrapped up in himself makes a small package.
A misfired synapse with a bent configuration…
A shut mouth gathers no foot.
Alert! There’s a shriner in the punch!
All day it’s “Hack 'em off!”; at night it’s “Here boy!”
An old man in love is like a flower in winter.
Anger is an acid that destroys its vessel.
At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.
Bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers!
Be aggressive! B-E aggressive! B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!
Be quiet or I’ll hit you with my rosary!
Between two evils, I pick the one I never tried before.
Boring questions lie outside the cat’s scheme of life.
Boy, those Seminoles, they sure drink a lot of coffee…
Broccoli… large vegetable or tiny tree?
Can you patter Romany? Can you fake a bosh?
Cats are deaf to the interruptive nonsense of humans.
Cats become a home’s visible soul.
Cats never strike a pose that isn’t photogenic.
Cats speak to poets in their natural tongue.
Courtney Love: Official skank of the ‘96 Olympics.
Crappe’ diem: Have a shitty day.
Crime must pay or politicians wouldn’t seek re-election.
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
Dead feelings are cool… down lower I sink…
Dead: Metaphysically challenged.
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.
Does emotional music have quite an effect on you?
Does life seem worthwhile to you? Here’s how to order!
Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die.
Don’t taunt happy fun ball.
Don’t thank ME; they’re YOUR shortcomings.
Drag racing, the sport of queens.
Ejaculation! Tribulation! I swallow… I swallow…
Elegance has a bad effect on my constitution.
Every day is lesbian lover day!
Everybody loves you when you’re bi.
Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow.
Everything I never liked about you is seeping into me.
Everything was roses when we held on to the guns.
Fiction reveals that reality obscures.
Fooled you, Flanders! Made you think your family’s dead!
Friends come and go. Enemies accumulate.
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
Go on and wring my neck like when a rag gets wet.
Go. I don’t converse with pagans.
Gotcha. Can’t win, don’t try.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
He who throws dirt loses ground.
Here is your newest issue of “Gigantic Asses”.
Here lies Edmund Blackadder and he’s bloody annoyed.
Home is an invention on which no one has yet improved.
Hurry! Each Matlock could be our last!
I am doll parts, bad skin, doll heart.
I am not at all the sort of person you and I took me for.
I can get a handle on anything this side of deranged.
I could pull a better cartoon outta my a-hey kids!
I don’t want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine.
I fake it so real that I am beyond fake.
I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.
I have bursts of being a lady but it doesn’t last long.
I have principles-if you don’t like them, I have others.
I have seen Reno and Reno is.
I have to change this. There’s a sheep in it.
I literally have hornets swarming in my brain.
I lost my reputation young, but never missed it.
I love it so much it just turns to hate.
I must have died alone, a long, long time ago.
I need you to feel this, I can’t stand to burn too long.
I no longer fear Hell because I’ve been to Kamp Krusty.
I see you shiver with antici…pation.
I still wet my pants every time I see you; who are you?
I strongly suspect you’re carbonating my hormones.
I think I’m dumb… or maybe just happy
I used to be with it but then they changed what “it” was.
I was up above it. Now I’m down in it.
I would follow you anywhere–but only out of curiosity.
I’m a “worrywart”? A worry-WART??? AN ANXIOUS PIMPLE???
I’m depraved on account I’m deprived!
I’m here but I’m really gone.
I’m old. I hate everything but Matlock.
I’m the root of all evil but you can call me Cookie.
I’ve upped my standards, now up yours!
If brevity is the soul of wit, your penis must be a riot.
If grandpa says the dog is dead it MUST be alive…
If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
If you prick us, do we not get bummed?
If you were any stupider, MY IQ would go down!
In my sex fantasy, no one ever loves me for my mind.
In order to avoid being called a flirt, yield easily.
In the degree that we love will we be loved.
It takes a village to raise an idiot.
It takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen.
It’s funny til someone gets hurt, then it’s hilarious.
Just when I think I got my ducks in a row… duck season.
Laziness and poverty are cousins.
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
Look, Smithers, I’m Davy Crockett!
Love is the answer, but sex raises some good questions.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Love may fail, but courtesy will prevail.
Marge Schott: Official senile bigot of the '96 Olympics.
Marv, get the fishsticks off the highway.
Meanies never prosper. You can quote me.
Memory is a relative to truth but not its twin.
Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.
Men don’t suffer from premature ejaculation-women suffer.
More testicles mean more iron.
More than kisses, letters mingle souls.
Must… destroy… mankind… Oooh! Lunchtime!
My child beat up your honor roll student.
My decisions are arbitrary, prejudiced, and final!
My head feels like it’s gone all Christmasy!
My head is like lettuce, go on, dig your thumbs in.
My moral standing is lying down.
My only hope is homemade prozac… needs more ice cream.
My words may disturb but at least there’s a reaction…
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Never murder a man when he’s busy committing suicide.
Never pass up a chance to keep your mouth shut.
Never practice two vices at once.
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
Never thrust your sickle into another’s corn.
Never, under any circumstances, face the facts.
New ideas just confuse me.
No day in which you learn something is a complete loss.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Oh my. This IS a repugnant situation.
Oh whimsical notion, we hardly knew ye.
Oh, good, the curtains are on fire!
One of the ways in which cats show happiness is sleeping.
Ooh. That rib always breaks.
Please do not offer my god a peanut.
Put the cat out, mom. It’s a thermonuclear bomb.
Reality has no business in affairs of the heart.
Rejected pub name: The Lactose-Intolerant Monkey.