That is the whole point of the expression “Catch the Bus”. Many of us have a feeling that ending our lives, that self-liberation from our existence, is a desirable option. But it is not easy to make that decision. The Bus analogy implies that the opportunity will present itself over and over, and that you may eventually “get on that bus”.
First of all, society, by its attitudes and laws, makes self-liberation very dificult. Except for states where guns are readily available, just getting the means to CTB can be difficult and in some jurisdictions, even discussing it is illegal. It is very easy to mak a mistake and to do youself great harm without actually dying.
Some of these posters admit they have been skuling around the site for months (as have I). It is as if they are looking for options, weighing the possibilities. Every now and then, a poster announces that all is in readiness and they will go ahead with it.
Sometimes they come back to say tht the attempt failed or that they did not “get on the bus” at the last moment, but sometimes they simply stop posting and we never hear from them again. Does that mean they succeeded? The ironic thing is that those who succeed will never post again to tell us how it worked (unless, I suppose, they have somone else do it after they have left, which sometimes happens).
All we can do is learn from failures, such as those people who put themselves into days and weeks of torment by taking somehing that was not strong enough to kill them but strong enough to do them harm.
But yes, the urge to self-liberation is often a contradictory one, and has always been so. Note the poet John Keats who says (italics mine):
“Darkling I listen; and for many a time
I have been *half in love * with easeful Death,
Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain”
Why only “haf in love”? That is what I want to understand from that message site.