Take credit for something you're supposed to do!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

One of my favorite Chris Rock routines is when he’s ranting about ignorant people who want credit for doing things you’re supposed to do, bragging about accomplishments stuff that you’re supposed to achieve.

“I take care of my kids!”
Chris Rock: "You’re supposed to, you dumb motherf***er!

“I’ve never been to jail!”
Chris Rock: “What do you want, a cookie? You’re not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherf***er!”

So let’s take credit for stuff that we’re expected to do! Mine is: “I ain’t never ran down no kids with my car!”

2

“I’ve never done drugs!”

“I maintain my personal hygiene!”

3

“I haven’t ever killed anyone!”

4

I pay my bills on time!

5

I do my homework!

I do my chores!

I don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs!

I do my best to obey my parents and look out for my sisters!

I’m nice to the freshmen!

I’ve never tied a kitten noose just to see if you could hang a kitten and then buried the dead kitten in my neighbor’s backyard!

6

I clean my house!

I go to work!

I pay my f’n taxes!

Cheers,
G

7

One of the guys that I used to work with was issued a certificate from his old boss honoring the fact that he had not killed anyone all year. He was kinda scary looking, so I was never sure if he *had *killed someone prior to winning the award.

8

I got out of bed when the alarm went off.

and now I’m making coffee.

9

I stopped stabbing him when the police told me to.

10

I get to work on time every day!

11

I breathe.

12

You’re supposed to do that? Uh oh…
I haven’t made my computer blow up yet! :smiley:

13

I grade papers in a timely manner and refrain from telling my students that they’re stupid, no matter how many times they ask me the same question.

And yes, I think that I DO deserve a cookie.

14

I help my 6th-grader with his homework!

I earn a salary and support my family!

I go the the dentist twice a year!

15

I always remember that underwear goes on under my pants.

16

I’ve never gotten a parking ticket!

17

I almost always remember that my underwear goes on under my pants.
I return library books!

18

I do what I want!

19

I refrain from killing or mugging people on a daily basis.

20

About damned time, too.

I’m tired of digging your holes for you, buster.