Take responsibility for your life, dammit!

This will change nothing, but…

My sister has been a “victim” all her life. Things seem to happen to her, and she doesn’t make an effort to improve anything- but she will complain endlessly.

There are years of examples, but I will begin with some recent events. She would go on and on about how much she despised her ex-husband, (who I will call “Jerk”) but she let him move in with her. Now she wants him out, and both her kids want him out too (the boys are 17 and 16 now) but he threatens her with calling child services (who have been around and around…) “Jerk” has a job, but she doesn’t work because of her diabetes. She is not incapacitated but she loses her “free money” if she earns anything, so she doesn’t try. So she gets mad at him every week; she asks me to find her an eviction notice on the net to get rid of him, but she takes his money.

There is no physical abuse here, but “Jerk” tries to get her to take him back into her bed by “guilt”; he loudly bemoans his fate and says she should be with him, and threatens to do harm to himself or to call the authorities and cause trouble to blackmail her into acquiescing.

Rant Point #2: She is a nice person. Really. So nice that people take advantage of her all the time. She has let people she barely knows move into her house and sleep on the couch, dragging their friends in to drink, smoke pot, and make noise all night when the kids have to be in school in the morning. They eat all her food, smoke her cigarettes, trash the place, and she cleans up after them. But she ends up in dependent situations with these people- if they have a car, she needs rides everywhere; if they have kids, she is the permanent babysitter, or the boys end up watching the kids.

Rant Point #3: So the one who ends up paying for it… is my dad. Every time she comes up short (no money for cigarettes or food, or paying a fine for the kids skipping school) she goes to him and he feels obligated to help her…even if he doesn’t have enough for his own bills. He complains to me about all her problems too. Now I’m not Mr. Perfect, I need to ask for help for my family from time to time, but at least I pay him back… he’s been burned too often, and not that I want his money but that every crisis she has brings him down as well.

There’s a lot more. I know this is a lukewarm rant, but I’m not blindly mad at this point. My sister is just coasting through her life; no job, no career, no skills, “friends” who use her, kids growing up and about to leave by dropping out of school. I’ve tried, but it’s obvious I haven’t done enough… but what is my place here?

<sarcasm>
OH! I see… I forgot to put “fucking” before every noun, for emphasis… naah, not my style.
</sarcasm>

Sometimes you have to practice “tough love.” Meaning, look the other way & don’t help out. For what it’s worth…

So, uh, how far away can you move?

Seriously, letting it bother you does no one any good. I suggest you get some counseling, if dealing with it becomes a problem for you.

Because you can’t change them, no matter how hard you try. You can only change how you let the situation that exists affect you.

Good luck.

You can get free money from being a diabetic???

I’m diabetic, how the heck do I collect the free money??? Why wasn’t I informed???

Here I am going to work like a sucker!

Yeah, Spooje, the free money comes from SSI disability. I think it’s an abuse of the system, but she gets money… and buys cigarettes and unhealthy food with it.

I’m a diabetic myself, out of work (for several reasons- that’s a new rant) but I can at least keep my house clean and be a positive factor in my kids’ lives. Until I get another car and can go to work again, or start another business.

I have relatives like that too. I usually end up asking if I can take their kids out to a movie and they end up staying the weekend at my house. That way the kids have at least one positive influence in their lives. My nephews aren’t as old as yours, but I let them learn about responsibility and the economy by mowing my lawn for 5 bucks a pop.