Tales of a Louse - Tall Tales in the MMP

Once upon a time there was a louse.

Not a bad guy, mind you, or even a deadbeat dad, but an actual louse with the overabundance of legs that you sometimes get in your head when you travel in certain Third World countries.

Anyway, this louse had an adventuring spirit. So one day he asked his (human) friend to go traveling with him. This is how the conversation went.

Louse: “Hey, Bob, wanna go adventuring?”
Bob: “Sure.”

The louse’s mom packed the louse seven sandwiches, and Bob’s mom packed him seven sandwiches. And off they went!

They had only gone a short way, however, when suddenly the louse said, “Oh, Bob, I’m really hungry. I’d better eat.” So he sat down and ate all of his seven sandwiches, gobble, gobble!

Up they got, and started traveling again. But shortly, the louse said, “Oh, Bob, I’m still really hungry.”

And Bob said, “Well, then, here. You better eat my sandwiches, too.” And so the louse ate all of Bob’s sandwiches, too, and once again they started traveling.

But again, they’d barely gone any distance when the louse complained of hunger again. And Bob said, “Well, you’d better just eat me, then.” I don’t know if he was being sarcastic, and I’m afraid we’ll never know, for the louse at least thought he was being serious and gobbled him up.

Now the louse was alone, but not really, for Bob was with him! Bob was always with him, now. So on he traveled.

Pretty soon he came to a farm, where he got hungry again. He gobbled up two turkeys, one goat, one cow, five chickens, and one small dog before he felt full enough to travel again.

And on he traveled. Soon, though, after eating all of this, he started feeling really thirsty. But he was in luck! For he came out of the forest, and found he was right on the edge of an ocean.

He knelt down and began to drink. Slurp, slurp, slurp…he drank and drank and drank, until he finally drained the entire ocean! And he sat back, heavily.

“Oh, I’m soooo full,” he said…and suddenly POW! His belly exploded.
drawing. And as he sat there, he watched, as the entire ocean poured back in, then the two turkeys, one goat, one cow, five chickens, and one small dog all came back out, then Bob, still alive, then 14 sandwiches.

Moral of the story: When your mom tells you a tall tale at a young age, you’ll remember it for a good long time.

Hmmm… so, what happened to the louse after his belly exploded. Was he hungry all over again? Did he regobble everything and redrink the ocean? Did he remember to take an antacid to keep from exploding again? So many questions left unanswered! Also, it’d make a pretty good B movie. Maybe the villagers could chase the louse with pitchforks and bottles of RID or whatever delousing product the producer could get sponsorship from.

I just got a call from somebody who is not working today. Somebody just woke up and called me to say good morning. Somebody was trying to decide whether to get up and make coffee or go back to sleep. Somebody is a louse right now. A cute one, but still a louse.

Good OP 'mika!

HAPPY MONDAY MORNING ALL!!!

Wow. I didn’t know louses had such an appetite. Glad I don’t go traveling with any.

Thanks for the story, mika.

Good morning! Great OP Mika. I’ve known a few lice in my time, too.

I have to share the recipe for the Rosemary Pork tenderloin. OMG, it was so good!

Take a tenderloin, and marinade it in olive oil, salt, pepper, and the leaves of 2 sprigs of fresh rosemary, chopped up. Marinade for an hour or two, wrapped in plastic. Then pan fry it in an oven safe skillet until golden brown all over. Finish it off in a 375° oven for about 10-15 minutes, until it reaches an internal temp of 145°. Let it rest for 5-10 minutes, then slice. Can you say juicy?

What kind of sandwiches? What exact species of lice? How many miles did they travel? and to what purpose? Was the louse really a closet bulemic? Was Bob co-dependent that he gave up all his food like that?
Enquiring minds want to know!

Thanks for the story–I liked it.

I am sitting here in a puddle of mucus. My head feels like it weighs about a ton. I have a head cold and when Eleanor has a head cold, Eleanor needs a lil attention.
Everyone, together, say, “poor baby! Why don’t you go lay down and we’ll make you some tea/chicken soup/mashed potatoes. And we’ll clean the whole house and go to the store for your cold medicine. There, there. You rest now. Warm enough? good. Here’s the remote and a mess of Cary Grant movies, as well as season 5 of Six Feet Under. You feel better soon.”

Thanks guys!

Well, isn’t that interesting. I have a louse story myself this morning. See, last week was The Princess[sup]TM[/sup]’ 25th birthday. Her step-dad and I are contributing toward the purchase of a dryer at her request. We’re talking about a couple hunnert buckaroonies here. Yeah, it’s a lot but normally the birthday cash is for something needed. Anyhoo, that’s not the louse part of the story. Now, you may or may not know that my ex, the Klingon, is her father. He usually remembers her birthday and sends a nice, if somewhat out-of-touch, gift. Friday a package arrived for her by UPS. When she opened it, there was a birthday card plus a stuffed animal pair of pink Valentiney frogs that kissed and said “I love you.” :confused: That’s it. No other gift. To make matters worse, he actually wrote in the birthday card that his girlfriend had sent him the stuffed animals and he thought he should send them to his daughter. :rolleyes: :smack: I’d be happy to hear any and all outrageous explanations for such an inappropriate gift. :wally

Other than that, it was a nice weekend. We had a front come through but that was okay cause I needed to do some inside chores as well as spend some down time reading Cell, King’s newest. Didn’t one of you ladies just read it? Not finished quite yet.

I also made some Kebabs for dinner last night. For once everything stayed on the skewers and it was really nummy.

Tupug

so it was the louse that ate all our files!

The server crashed over the weekend, and everything we did Friday disappeared, including some other files that hadn’t been touched in a while. Our IT dept is trying to recreate everything from a tape file, but we wo’t know til tomorrow if they were truly successful.

I HAVE A HEADACHE
oh, and Good Monday (!) Morning everyone (where’s my coffee?)

I had a late shift until midnight last night, and couldn’t get to sleep until about three-thirty in the morning today, due to a really bad head cold and nervous tension, and woke up really tired and cranky this morning.

I’m tempted to skip classes altogether and just work on my research essays. Thoughts, Dopers?

(Of course, Anaamika always brightens my day. :))

Happy Monday, everybody! I know Monday’s not usually happy. I’m sick (boo) and therefore home from work (yay). I got so sick on Friday afternoon that they actually sent me home, which is unheard of at my company. I went home and passed out on my bed with my shoes still on. I felt better on Saturday (enabling Roomie and I to get much of the living room decorated finally, making it look like we actually live in the main room of the house), but started feeling crappy again last night. I got maybe an hour of sleep, and decided calling in was perfectly acceptable.

For some reason, however, I have not gone back to sleep after calling in sick. I have done some job hunting and am thinking seriously about what to make for dinner tonight, but that’s about it. I think it is now time to go put in a movie and fall asleep on the couch. :smiley:

Oh,and I’ve known a couple louses in my time–and they usually did eat everything in sight. Without offering to pay for it. :mad:

On preview, Kyth, I heartily endorse staying home. All the cool kids are doing it. :slight_smile:

Poor baby! Why don’t you go lay down and we’ll make you some tea/chicken soup/mashed potatoes. And we’ll clean the whole house and go to the store for your cold medicine. There, there. You rest now. Warm enough? good. Here’s the remote and a mess of Cary Grant movies, as well as season 5 of Six Feet Under. You feel better soon.

How’s that? Personally a combination of tea/chicken soup/mashed potatoes sounds disgusting, but to each his/her own is my motto. Do we serve that in a bowl or mug?

Feel better soon Rigs!

Puggy he’s a Klingon. Who knows what’s going on up there!

NO! Dont’ mix them up! I meant them as options, depending on degree of hunger etc!

Ew–now I am nauseated as well as sick. thanks, swampy! :stuck_out_tongue:
Guess I picked the right week to get sick–I’m in good company. <hands tissue to Kyth and Drae>

Well, now, that is what you asked for. Jeez, I’ll bet you’re one of those people who have to have make sure nothing touches on your plate. :stuck_out_tongue:

Stay home Kyth. Sometimes ya just gotta.

I want cookies.

Well, I’ll sit and watch some Cary Grant with you! And jump up and down and bring you yummy stuff, rigs.

Drae, you sound really miserable…are you feeling better today? I see you’re job-hunting, that’s liable to make anyone feel worse.

Swampy, sorry at least he’ll have dinner ready, right?

I had a serious brain spasm this morning…I was driving into work and a commercial came on the radio. “And for President’s day, we have a great sale.” I was just driving along in my haze; cue everything to come crashing to a halt as I desperately try to rememember whether Prez’s Day was last week or today. Am I supposed to be working? :confused: WTH? My brain had to switch gears, load the calendar program, and tell me, yes indeedy, I am working today. Oh well. Anyway, they shouldn’t be allowed to put old ads like that on the radio.

I GOT MY WEDDING GOWN TODAY!!

It looks like this.
(There’re lots of pix of the dress… just scroll down the page.)

I’m very excited. And everyone here at work is too and they’re going to make me try it on later today while they’re here to help me get in and out of it. :smiley:

I’m so excited!

oh great
now the server we work off of isn’t even available (they must have taken it off line so they could restore the files) so I have no work to do!

*I *hate ** Mondays

Someone give me chocolate. Quick.

Good morning! I hope all of you who are feeling less than perfect feel better soon. (Don’t sneeze on me, I just got better.)

Anaamika, that was great!

Today is one of the bad days in my life. If I didn’t have so much to do, I’d be tempted to crawl back under the covers and stay there.
Today is my son’s birthday. I miss him so much. It’s been almost 6 years since his death, and even though, I do fine most of the time, today is a bad day.
I arranged to have a lot to do, so I don’t dwell, but getting started is a F***ing Bits.
Hubby is a dear. He called me several times yesterday, to be sure I was ok. He got home about a half hour ago. He’s trying to balance being supportive with not being intrusive. It ain’t easy. I’m fine for a few minutes, and he trys to be light hearted, then I desolve into tears, and he shifts gears and lets me cry. I think I know a little bit how bi-polar people feel now.
I’ll check back later if I can behave and not drag the MMP down with me. :frowning:

{{{{{{Picunurse}}}}}} Stay with us today. Go ahead and let those tears out.

Thanks, Mika -you can be my nurse, anytime. Swampus is not allowed to visit the sick, anymore. (nyah)

taxi --that’s terrific! it’s lovely and classy–I like the neckline and the waist.

picunurse --I am so sorry. Maybe just ride the rollercoaster today, eh? Allow yourself this day to remember or grieve or laugh or all of the above all at once. Let it all go. thank goodness for an understanding and supportive husband.

Thinking of you.

anyrose -I prescribe fudge frosting, straight out of the tub. BIG spoonsful every 2 hours until sated. Sure to make you feel better (or sick as a dog, but then you won’t be so worked up about work then, will you). :slight_smile:

Good morning all,

picunurse, you know we’re all here. I’m glad you’re hubby is there with you.

rigs and Drae, I hope you both get to feeling better very soon.

Pugs, I finished reading Cell a couple, three weeks ago. I read it in a couple of evenings, basically.

mika, great little story. I’m now scritching at my head.

I really, really just wanted to stay home and take a mental health day. But, like a good little trooper, I dragged my heiney out of bed, took a shower, and came to work.

I’ve got plenty of leave time, I should just take a day.

I didn’t do my taxes. I wanted to do them, but I couldn’t kick the hubby off the 'puter long enough to do them. Then when he finally decided he was done playing, it was 10:30 and I just didn’t feel like doing them that late.

Sigh, I better check my e-mails and do some other work now.

He’s your ex. The exes of all the regular MMPers are morons (for letting us go or doing really stupid things to drive us away.) No other explanation is needed nor should be required.

I installed a friend’s microwave oven above his range top Saturday, Seems that the stove hood, which needed to be removed, has been exhausting into the cupboard above the stove, and not into any real exhaust ductwork. Very very odd. I’m going to go back in and fix that for them later, but probably not this weekend.

And I started digging the trench to run a French drain from one of my downspouts on the garage into the drainage ditch about twenty feet away. I had about a foot dug when I realized that I hadn’t called Miss Utility to mark the lines. And I’m real sure there are lines there to worry about (not that I hit anything - honest).