Yeah, we all have a female friend or two who’s that much of a fucking idiot, so it’s funny in a “there but for the grace of God” fashion.
(I had a “stripped down to my sexy undies and practically grinding up on the guy” incident, myself.)
I remember recognizing a girl i had once worked with at a party and after talking to her for a while and getting along really well I confessed to her that I had a crush on her roommate but never knew how to talk to her.
She blushed and said she had a huge crush on me and I was full of shit because I talked to her roommate all the time when we all worked together and her roommate tried the old “my ride left without me, any chance you can take me home?” and “Thanks for the ride, do you want to come in and watch a movie or something?” trick at least a dozen times and I never took her up on it once.
I admitted I had in fact given her roommate quite a few rides home, but it never occurred to me until right that moment that the invite was for “or something” and not a movie. Lightbulb.
A few days later I realized that I was so distracted by the revelation that some girl was trying to pick me up two years earlier that when this good looking girl right in front of me said she “had a huge crush on me” it whooshed right past me. Lightbulb.
Congratulations, of course, but that’s not entirely in the spirit of the thread.
Practically? So there’s still room for interpretation, then.
Back in the early part of high school we were on a bus going somewhere. This was before I had my first girlfriend. I was talking and playing around with a friend of mine when she hugged me and and asked, “Do you think you could date a black girl?” I totally froze. “Ok I guess not,” she said. In that instant it was maybe 5% do I want an interracial relationship. It was 95% “Holy shit a pretty girl is asking me out!” I couldn’t convince her otherwise. A few more years of experience and I probably could have recovered the situation but not then. Back in 83 or so when that happened interracial dating wasn’t that common around there. I wonder how it would have changed my high school years.
I have a horrible suspicion that, in life, we only get so many chances at love, and, if we mess those up, we don’t get any more… 
Does wandering through Juarez in a fruitless search for the legendary donkey show as a young buck count?
More “wrapped around” than “grinding.”
I didn’t know they used fruit.
so what did you do instead of that?
To be fair, she was being awfully subtle with that hint.
When I was 22 or so, I used to perform regularly at a local bar’s weekly open mic night. A regular audience member was a young woman who had been a year behind me in high school. I never met her in school; I had only transferred to that school for my senior year, and we didn’t run in the same circles, so it was simply a lack of opportunity. But I had seen her, of course, and had always thought she was one of the prettiest girls I’d ever seen.
So now we’re both out of high school, and I ended up chatting with her at this bar several times. Still, we were just acquaintances, not official friends, and I never saw her outside of that bar on open mic nights.
But one night, we happened to be chatting when closing time rolled around. She mentioned that she had beer at home and asked if I’d like to come over. Okay, sure, why not? So I followed her home, she invited me in, and brought me a beer. Then we sat on the couch and chatted some more while we finished our beers. And then … she said she had to work in the morning and needed to go to bed. So I thanked her for the beer, said goodbye, and went home.
Some years later I was remembering the incident, and that’s when I went :smack:
Of course you’re right. Wouldn’t want to submit positive outcome in a thread such as this now would we?
Thankfully, there is no actual scientific basis for this.
Drowned my sorrows in cheap tequila.
sbotd
I know eh! Why can’t women be straight forward and just say what they want. Fuck’s sake.
I’ve done the same. Only it more than a couple of years to dummy that one out.
It seems to me, having started this thread, that my experiences and rationales are not unique.
A common thread seems to be the underlying assumption that, “no woman would hit on ME therefore this woman cannot be hitting on me.”
In my case, it wasn’t that I was habitually sexually unsuccessful. But most of my sexual experiences have been with “ordinary” women who have made it pretty clear what they had in mind. And my one and only relationship that lasted for any length of time was with a coworker who asked me out first, so I already knew her well enough to be comfortable around her, and the sexual aspect of our relationship developed naturally.
The girl in my anecdote, though … like I said, we were only acquaintances; I never actually spoke to her in high school, but I remembered that she was part of the “popular” clique, and I remembered that her boyfriend in HS was this tall, muscular, good-looking jock. Meanwhile, I was a band geek.
So given that I probably missed out on sexual opportunities with “regular” girls/women because I missed their subtle signals, add on the fact that, IMO at the time, this particular woman was completely out of my league. So in the absence of any clear, unambiguous verbal or physical advance, my brain simply could not even consider that she might have wanted to get busy. In my brain, I was still the “band geek” and she was the “hot popular girl”. It never crossed my mind that, being on stage performing every week might have actually made me more attractive. At the very least, I was actually calling attention to myself, something I didn’t (and still don’t) do offstage.
Making matters worse, I spotted this woman at the grocery store years later, when we were both over 40, and she still looked every bit as good as she did at 21-22. I swear she hadn’t aged at all. (No, I didn’t approach her. While she looked almost exactly the same, I look very different from what I looked like at 22 and given the brevity of our acquaintance, I wouldn’t expect her to recognize, or even remember me.)
I worked at a grocery store junior and senior year of high school. most of us were trained as both baggers and cashiers. So one time I bagged while this girl “Emily” rang up a customer. After the customer left, she said to me, “Wouldn’t it be kind of fun to have sex on the belt?” (the thing that moves the groceries). I just muttered, “yeah”. She was just talking about in general with any guy, and couldn’t possibly have been signaling any kind of sexual interest in me, right? She gave me her number and invited me to hang out with her and her friends sometime. So eventually we did. Went out and she asked me, just out of curiosity, what my past sexual experiences were. I was a virgin of course and told her the truth. But she was just asking because that’s a totally normal question girls ask guys and doesn’t mean they’re interested, right? Later on, we’re all hanging out and she starts rubbing my back, then goes down to about 3 inches above my tail bone. She says, “I was reading in cosmo that there’s this place right above the tailbone that instantly makes guys horny. Is it working for you?”. “Oh yeah”, I say sarcastically. Because she was just curious and she wasn’t specifically trying to get ME horny, right?
At that same grocery store (late summer 2001 time frame), this other girl “Cara” started working 1-2 weeks before I was to quit from that grocery store to go off to the next state to college. Pretty sure it was after I had put in my 2 weeks notice. There’s a party north of town that I invite her to and she follows me and stays there a few hours. The next week we hang out and watch a movie together, at my parents house. We never kissed or anything 'cause I was too much of a chicken**** back then, but could tell she was crushing on me horribly just from how bashful she was talking to me. So I go off to college and think about her occasionally but am too, again chicken**** to call her even though she gave me her number before I left. Anyway…during college I take a co-op job back at home. In other words a semester of a job at home and a semester back away at college, back and forth 5 times. During one of the semesters at my co-op job (roughly 2003), I run into a contractor with a very familiar last name. I asked him, you’re not by any chance related to a “Cara” (with his last name), are you? He said yes, that’s my daughter! So the next day I dig up the dusty old number she gave me, called her (after scripting it in my head 100x) and said I ran into your dad and thought I’d give you a call. She said yeah he told me about that. We talk and I find out she has a boyfriend and that she runs (like I did at the time). I said, “Let me know if you want to go running some time”, without intending to make good on the deal 'cause she was already taken, and that was the end of the conversation. In 2007, I friend her on Facebook but she is, again, dating someone else. In 2008, the two of them break up, and she sends me an invitation to a Facebook app that says, “Do you like me? Select yes or no.” At that time, my (to be) wife and I had started dating but weren’t exclusive yet, and I was also reading a lot of David DeAngelo and other “dating gurus” and “pick up artists” that would tell you not to act too interested. So I didn’t respond (declined the app) and figured I’d play it cool :smack:. Despite the life my wife and I have now together, which I absolutely LOVE, I can’t help but wonder how things would have turned out if I had just clicked YES. It probably wouldn’t have worked out with Cara. A date or two would have gone by and we would have found out we had nothing in common. Right? Right?
In college, I was out running and, just as the bell tower started bonging 3:00 (or whatever time it was), a cheerleader stopped me and asked me what time it was. Rather than call her stupid, I looked at my watch and, annoyed, said it’s 3:00. I told all my friends and relatives how stupid this cheerleader was, asking me the time while the bell tower was chiming in the background. They all said the same thing. “You idiot! She was trying to start a conversation with you!”
Wow…just wow.
Your first story had me in tears I was laughing so hard. Not at you, with you.
I can relate to all of your tales but the internal monologue in the first one could have been pulled directly from my brain.
In a strange way this thread is making me feel better. I had no idea that there were other guys as clueless as me.
Ferret Herder I think it was you who posted about wrapping yourself around some guy and him not taking the hint. Even I am not that obtuse.
I went to a conference in London Ontario when I was in university. While there I met a really cool and fairly attractive girl named “Anna” <–not her real name, but I forget her real name so it doesn’t much matter.
We hung out consistently for two days, I was digging her and turned on all the charm. We closed down a downtown bar (not hard in London) and took a cab to some Indian restaurant that was open 'till 4:00am to service cabbies primarily. We laughed, we entertained the waiter and he entertained us.
When we decided to split I put her in a cab and then ran back into the restaurant on some pretext or other and bought the plastic flowers that had adorned our table. She was tickled.
We go back to my room in the dorm and start talking about really deep interesting stuff - did I mention we were drunk? She asked me to get her some water but that meant going all the way down the hall. I was really enjoying the conversation and having her there, in my presence, alone, not at gunpoint even - so I put it off.
She asked two or three more times and I put it off.
Then she puked all over the place.
Bold, italicized text added by me. Damn, why don’t I have a psychology paper to write? This thread is a gold mine.