I keep doing all those self-affirmations by jack handy, but all I want to do is scream until my head explodes!
We had a pipe burst last week, and everything got wet, now some of the carpet is mouldy, and stinky.
The furnace here is fumey, and me and the kids stink like furnace oil, its hurting teds asmtha, and I cant afford to move, especially now, I just heard from shitboys mom that he has moved out west somewhere to avoid paying me . My daycare subsidy has run out, and now i am faced with $600/month for child care, I was only paying $150/month before, and now I will be losing $400/month in child support…if you are paying attention., this is a loss of $1000/ month! i am so totally fucked!
And my car quit again today, its 20 years old, and I am ashamed to be seen in it, all the others in my office have nice cars, and I look like white trash in the poor-mobile.
Fuck.
I was doing really well $$ wise for the last few months, and I hate being poor.
And I am worried about mom.
And how will I tell the boys that daddy has just moved away for good? Maybe the pitbulltroll is right…maybe women really dont have any business raising kids alone…maybe we can force the men to be daddies.
I will be better soon, I took one of my xanax, and it should kick in soon, and I will be calm and numb again.
I just cant find my way…what do I do? i cant not go to work? The kids must be cared for, and we have to eat, have elect, phone etc.
The paytv is going back, but even if I have to sell a kidney, I wont give up my internet. I swear to god, its the only thing that keeps me from going totally postal.
thanks for caring guys.