It’ll be like Highlander, only with crappy football teams. 
I didn’t see the end of the game between the Bengals and Cardinals. Did Kyler Murray scream with lightning streaming into him after the win?
No way that screen pass on the 2-pt conversion was ever going to work. The Dolphins are going to win this thing, because they’re trying harder (to lose)!
That was pathetic, and par for the course.
Dolphins stay on top in their race to the bottom.
I may have got that wrong.
It was a well orchestrated one point loss, you know, to fool the skeptics. I can imagine Brian Flores telling Ryan Fitzpatrick to take it easy. We made it look good, but we don’t want to win here. Fitzpatrick complied, even though he knows his efforts are designed to replace him.
Jets are currently leading the Cowboys. What the hell?
The return of Sam Darnold, clearly. 
And, just like that, we’re down to two winless teams: the Bengals, and the Dolphins.
And then there were two…
The Redskins won because the Dolphins went for a two-point conversion instead of a tying point after. This was probably because a tie at the end of overtime was feeling inevitable.
The Jets got their 1st Round QB back and beat the Cowboys. This disappointed fans of the awe-inspiring ineptitude, but delighted every non-Dallas fanbase in the country.
Here are our remaining Two Telentless Teams, sorted by yards gained minus yards allowed. Also shown is average margin of loss, and their next opponent:
Miami Dolphins 0-5, -205.6 yds/gm (-27.6 ppg) at Bills (4-1, +4.0 ppg)
Cincinnati Bengals 0-6, -118.3 yds/gm (-10.3 ppg) host Jaguars (2-4, -2.3 ppg)
I’ll now include 1-win teams, because they suck, too:
New York Jets 1-4, -137.8 yds/gm (-12.0 ppg) host Patriots (6-0, +23.7 ppg)
Washington Redskins 1-5, -98.5 yds/gm (-12.8 ppg) host 49ers (5-0, +16.6 ppg)
Atlanta Falcons 1-5, +2.5 yds/gm (-8.5 ppg) host Rams (3-3, -0.2 ppg)
How 'bout: “The hype surrounding that team from Texas was overblown after they won 3 games against three of the worst teams in the N.F.L. this season and now they’re being shown for what they really are - ‘just another team’ masquerading as a S.B. contender.”
Somebody is going to “win” the NFC East.
I’d bet the Eagles right now.
Fun little twist on the upcoming Miami vs Steelers game:
I definitely think the Jets deserve to be back in the race after a monumentally pitiful effort against the Patriots.
Coming off a solid performance against the Cowboys (quarterback rating 113.8), Sam Darnold was close to hopeless (11 completions, 4 interceptions, one lost fumble, QB rating 003.6, troubled by “ghosts”).
I missed a Week Seven update, but never fear, nobody won then.
After a Monday Night scare early, the Dolphins reverted to being very Dolphin-y, giving up 27 unanswered and never scoring again. Way to not give up on the dream, guys. They even got a little extra salt rubbed in by letting one of their tank trades intercept them twice.
Meanwhile, the Bungles literally fell over themselves to give Cooper Kupp a career day, and generally acted as the Washington Generals so the Rams could give Londoners a show.
Here are our remaining Two Substandard Squadrons, sorted by sacks per game. Also shown is average margin of loss, and their next opponent:
Cincinnati Bengals 0-8, 1.13 sacks/gm (-10.8 ppg) on BYE
Miami Dolphins 0-7, 1.29 sacks/gm (-23.0 ppg) host Jets (1-6, -15.3 ppg)
None of the 1-win teams won, because they suck, too:
New York Jets 1-6, 1.29 sacks/gm (-15.3 ppg) at Dolphins (0-7, -23.0 ppg)
Washington Redskins 1-7, 2.38 sacks/gm (-12.0 ppg) at Bills (5-2, +1.7 ppg)
Atlanta Falcons 1-7, 0.88 sacks/gm (-10.6 ppg) on BYE
Miami has one of their many chances to screw this endeavor up this week with the Jets coming to town. Somehow I don’t think there will be ghosts to see in Hard Rock Stadium. (Or, as my two-year-old would put it, “No rawrs. All gone rawrs.”) But then again, the green New York City team is fully capable of shooting themselves in the foot.
The Bills should pad their wildcard resume against Washington. Who’ll start at QB and will they finish the game?
The “attempted” 2-point conversion at the end of the Washington game was pretty definitive proof that the Dolphins are losing intentionally, and they will not be denied. The play had absolutely zero chance of succeeding. Had the Redskins just stepped aside, I’m certain Fitz still would have just thrown the ball at the RB’s feet. It was the most obvious dive I’ve ever seen in the NFL.
Sure enough, the Dolphins screwed themselves by winning. Proving bad teams can’t even tank properly. According to tankathon.com, they’d pick 4th if the draft happened now.
we’re #1!!! We’re #1!!! We’re #1!!!
I think the Bengals would definitely pick a QB at #1.
Or #2 #3 or #4.
I picked “Tank for Tua” for the thread title because it sounds catchy, but it seems Tagovailoa is underperforming. Justin Herbert, too.
I haven’t really gotten to watch any college football. Anybody else have a scouting report for top prospects?
The good news for the Dolphins is that they still play the Bengals and the Jets again. So if they lose out they’ll be back in the #1 spot.
Is Joe Burrow a senior? He could be the next Tom Brady.