Tap

tap tap tap … is this thing turned on?

Yes, I can hear you.

With that user title I’m not sure I want to know what you’re tapping on/with.

What? speak up.

Being semelparous, are you sure you want to use up the one “tap” you’ve got?

SDMB on tap?

What? No cans or bottles?

Sheesh!

I cast Twiddle.

Untap.

Gregory Hines’ ghost is a Doper?

Don’t tap on the glass. It disturbs the fish.

Like this one, which I think should be the Official Fish of The Straight Dope just for the name alone.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Sarcastic Fringehead.

http://animaldiversity.ummz.umich.edu/site/accounts/pictures/Neoclinus_blanchardi.html

That’s what I’m going to name my next child!

Our first one wasn’t so specific. We had decided on Fish Eyes. But, Little Fish Eyes was not to be. Sniff. (We made this choice on our honeymoon, BTW. It was the only name we could agree upon.)

I don’t think there is a bunch of chance that I will be using Sarcastic Fringehead, so I think your idea for its use as the Official Fish is perfect.