It’s the victim’s responsibility to report the predators. If they don’t, then they are accessories to subsequent crimes. It doesn’t matter what the victim feels “capable” of. It isn’t just about them. There’s no excuse for protecting a sexual predator, and it’s not “ok” to let them go unreported. This is an attitude that needs to change.
Don’t start. You don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s entirely up to the victim to decide to prosecute. You don’t know what it’s like to be her, what problems it could cause for her, or whether it’s right for HER to do this. Please stop with your absolutes and your MUSTS.
you don’t know what the fuck I know, so be careful.
I said it’s her job to REPORT it.
You’d be surprised.
Yes, only YOUR absolute pronouncements that it’s perfectly ok to let predators go unreported (not to mention your ignorant declarations about what I know or don’t know about being a victim) are legitimate.
Ta-da! You’ve turned yet another thread into The Dio Show. When is your bullshit ever going to stop? Can you find another board to wear out? Please?
Your not going to shut me down with that garbage. That “Dio show” crap jumped the shark a long time ago. If you have a problem with me, take it to the pit or report it, ok? The “Dio Show” card is just gutless.
Yes, I’d tell.
Moderator note:
Everyone, just chill out.
No notes or warnings issued, at least not yet.
Speaking in absolutes about your own controversial opinion is really not appropriate given the sensitive subject matter, Diogenes. If you have trouble resisting that impulse, then I’ll ask you nicely to please stay away from this thread. (No I’m not a mod, no I’m not junior modding, no I have no authority to keep you out or do anything to you if you post. I’m asking nicely from one human being to another: if you can’t say something nice, just say nothing)
As far as “reporting it” goes, I’ve told my close family members (mom and sister). As far as I’m concerned, that’s as far as it will go.
How will you feel if that decision allows him to victimize other children?
Allows?
Are you kidding me?
What part do you not understand? Once again, she’s not at fault. He is. He is at fault for every child he touches. She’s not making him do this, and she’s certainly not allowing it.
She’s allowing other potential victims to be placed in danger by protecting him. For fuck’s, he commited a heinous crime. Why is it permissable not to report that? Where did this attitude come from?
ETA, of course her own victimization is not her fault, I never said or implied that it was. That’s a complete strawman. The issue not so much what happened to her personally, but that a predator is still at large and at liberty to take other victims.
For the sake curiosity… Even if the SOL hadn’t expired, there is no evidence of the crime, and the only other victim refuses to say anything, what does filing a report do? What do you see happening then, in your fair and just world?
I’m going to pipe in here and say that on the surface there doesn’t appear to be any risk to the OP in telling a virtual stranger that her potential partner was a molester. The important family members know the truth and she has estranged herself from her father.
Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. My g/f was molested from the age of 6 through 12 by an older cousin. She was an adult when she finally told her siblings and swore them to secrecy. The perp has gone on to marry and have a family of his own…with daughters. You can bash her all you want by my g/f was (is) not emotionally capable of calling him out.
That’s what predators count on.
I don’t disagree, Dio. That’s what makes the predator so successful.
Revulsion at his disgustingness and lack of self-control, with the realization that I’m not responsible for his mental illnesses. In other words, no different.
Victim-blaming will win you no points with me or any other rational person.
Why is it permissible not to report his crime? Because sexual crimes are in a very special category where the victim is put on trial more than the assaulter. I’m not required to martyr myself in order to prevent potential future crime.
Nitpick: I don’t really think that outing a child molester to someone involved with them is considered tattling.
You don’t think you have any responsibility to warn others? If you saw a drunk driver weaving all over the road, would you report him or would you just decide that he was responsible for his own actions, so fuck everybody else? If you saw an arsonist setting a fire, would you call anybody or just decide he was responsible for his own actions and fuck everybody else?
You have seen no victim blaming from me, nor will you.
You wouldn’t be “martyring” yourself just by reporting a crime. This guy is a profound danger to others. You know it. Others don’t.
And in none of those situations are you the victim already coping with trauma, so the comparisons are B.S.
You would promote the possibility of further emotional damage to someone you love in order to stop a predator? Even if that someone is hanging by a thread, views themselves as worthless and dirty, no matter how many times you tell them it’s not their fault. You’d send them through the wringer with only a story, and no evidence.
Because that’s what happens. The justice system that you want them to rely so heavily on will pick apart their lives, put their pain and abused bodies on display, and not guarantee them a damn thing in return. Least of all that the predator that hurt them will not be able to victimize anyone else. Our justice system can’t keep him from victimizing another child, but you seem to think the OP can?
The victims are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
You offer up a lot of talk, but that’s all it is.
As to this… No, you are not blaming the victim for becoming a victim, but you are assigning blame for what may or may not happen in the future based on their actions.
I did not witness my sexual abuse, it happened to me. There is no analogy.
If I had been hit by a drunk driver on the road, I would be concerned with taking care of myself and making sure I was not hurt before I did anything else. If I was in a fire set by an arsonist, I would be vastly more concerned about getting myself the fuck out of a flaming building than about the identity of the arsonist.
Moreover, physical injuries are usually of the sort that will heal with time, are more easily diagnosed, and have discrete, tangible treatments. Sexual abuse and the resulting psychological damage do not fit this diagnostic mold, and you do abuse victims a great disservice by pretending they do. Further, you do yourself a great disservice because you won’t even acknowledge the intellectual difference between reporting sexual and non-sexual crimes.
Since you are incapable of playing nice, as I asked earlier, I will not be responding to this tangent of yours anymore in this thread. Any further posts you make are strictly for your own amusement of yourself. I am sure there will be several.