I don’t think it’s nearly that deliberate; I think a lot of parents have just plain learned to ignore their kids being hellions, the way I got used to the train when I spent a summer living 100 yards from the train tracks.
I frequently have parents bring their kids with them to their own doctor visits. This bugs me for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I’ve often needed to ask about sensitive information with the kids sitting there. But it bugs me more because the kids are almost always poorly-behaved; they interrupt my conversation with the parent every fifteen seconds, run around the room, play with all the medical equipment–while the parent remains completely oblivious.
When I start in practice in a few months, I want to have a policy against this, but I know a lot of parents get upset about things like that, and my employers won’t want to discourage the parents from coming to our clinic. I can’t ask the nursing staff to watch them, either. I don’t know how to go about it.
And with the first part of your post I heartily concur. However, and I don’t wish to speak for Amazon Floozy Goddess, but in my case my bicycle is my primary means of transportation. And you can damn sure betcha that if I came out of a business to find some kid kicking it and/or slapping the saddle that the first words out of my mouth would be more “R” rated than perhaps the parents might care for. But if they’re going to let their kids act like undisciplined hellions, then I will cheerfully take it upon myself to point out to those kids that I find their behavior unacceptable. Screw telling them that the bike is mine and they shouldn’t touch it.
DoctorJ, if my doctor had a no-kid policy, she wouldn’t be my doctor. I’m a stay-at-home mother living very far away from my family. If my kid can’t come with me to my doctor appointments, I can’t go to the doctor. Fortunately, my doctor has a large drawer of toys and books in her examination room. This is sufficient to entertain my son while she does what she has to do. Maybe that would be an option for you? As far as sensitive information goes, well, the patient has made the decision that her child will be privy to whatever you have to say. If it was a spouse present, with the patient’s permission, you’d be in the same position.
[/hijack]
Anyway, I definitely think people should speak up in situations like this, although I’m not nearly as good at that as my husband is. He turns into the grumpy old man all the kids were afraid of when he sees a kid doing something destructive. Frankly, I don’t know how the parents could live with their kids being brats all the time. I teach my son manners for the same reason I took my dog to obedience class - it’s much more pleasant to be around a polite child than a brat, just like I wouldn’t be able to tolerate living with a dog that tore up the house and jumped on everyone.
One suggestion? Have a GameBoy or other good hand-held video game on hand. Won’t work for the younger kids, but a good proportion will be as sedate as can be.
I beg you not to actually say this to your patients! When my kids were smaller, the older one was particularly bad, and would disrupt every single thing we did. We did take him out of many places, but when it came to hospital or dental appointments, and food shopping etc, and there was simply no-one I could leave him with, then yes, I did inflict him (shamefacedly) on people.
I think there are many parents in this situation and if my doctor had said I could not bring my son in with me, then I’d have had to have gone without medical treatment. Leaving him in the waiting room would not have worked either, as he had no sense of fear and would have been out of the door in a second…
I would have just about wept with gratitude if I’d had access to a clinic with babysitting facilities, just for the 10 or 15 minutes that a consultation took. It would have been a HUGE selling point as to which doctor or dentist I chose.
I did choose a more expensive dentist because his receptionist would entertain the kid for me when I needed the drilly bits done.
I most heartily pit the university hospital who “allowed” me to corral my three year old on my very pregnant stomach during an internal exam, to stop him escaping - not a hint of help did I get. And the same place also very kindly put my drip for dehydration, thanks to intense nausea during the same pregnancy, on a stand so I could quite literally crawl after the same kid.
If this is a regular and recurring problem, could you stretch your budget to a kid’s corner and one member of staff be given the duty of watching it while the mothers are consulting with you? Yes, 80% of them are selfish but the other 20% are desperate.
And to get back to the OP, I agree that you should have said something to the kids messing with your bike. I never let my kids, even the hyper one, touch anything that wasn’t theirs, and did tell them off and physically remove them from doing such things. My telling off the big one was water off a duck’s back and I was always most grateful for members of the public commenting on his inappropriate behaviour, as I had some faint hope that it would have more effect coming from a stranger!
(Above-mentioned monster is nearly nine now and behaves quite well, may I say in his defence!)
Exactly–I understand that, and I want to be accommodating.
It probably makes a difference that we’re internal medicine, so we’re really not set up to deal with kids at all. The clinic I’m going to has family docs and a pediatrician in the building, so maybe we’ll be better equipped.
I still have to wonder, though, if lawyers and accountants are expected to keep a drawer full of toys in their offices.
The parent can be as comfortable with it as they want to be; I’m still not doing a pelvic exam or asking a sexual history in front of an eight-year-old.
You reall are in a tough spot there. I know just how that other poster feels having had no one to watch the children during doctor visits. I wonder if you’ll be part of a medical group that could pitch in for a small childcare room and attendant? I don’t know what your state requires regarding that but where I live you can swing it without a license with 6 children and under.
Could you write a written policy asking parents (graciously of course) to bring an adult to accompany children 12 and under?
No, it’s not just you. I was so pissed off during my law school graduation at how amazingly obnoxious the parents of kids AND the kids were behaving. Over the course of the ceremony I couldn’t hear a single thing over the shrieking and jabbering of very young children. Our Dean’s address, the honorary speaker, most people’s names-all drowned out by screaming, crying, fighting infants and toddlers (our school didn’t put a limit on the number of people you could bring, they rented the entire auditorium so people invited everybody and then some). I realise that people want to see their loved ones go up on stage but geez, most of us didn’t even get to hear our names. This is a degree that I spent a lot of money and time on, as did most people in my class. I’m sure the shrieking childrens’ relatives didn’t get to hear their names called either. My parents ended up leaving right after my name was called b/c it simply wasn’t worth it to sit through the torture of infant squalls reverbrating through the auditorium. It was so bad that it’s all I heard people talking about at the reception. Two weeks later and I am still pissed off about it.
That’s really as far as I’d go with it, stressing that if this is not possible, parts of the history or physical may have to be scheduled for another visit. And that poorly-behaved children will be confiscated and sold to the circus. (OK, maybe not that last part. Maybe.)
With the type of parents you’re talking about, probably yes.
One of my favourites are the kids running free in restaurants, with waitstaff with trays full of hot food dodging them. So very uncool, for so many reasons. I also like the kids that wander across my yard for no apparent reason. We have spent a lot of time, money and effort fixing up our yard. Here’s a clue, kid; if you don’t live here, this isn’t your yard. Get the hell off of it.
Another option would be to have office hours outside of normal working hours. I would kill for a local doctor who had evening or weekend office hours. I would love to be able to go to the doctor without having to worry about my child while I’m there, but the only way that would be possible is if my husband took time off work. My husband is a PT and his clinic is open from 7 am - 7 pm M-F and Saturday mornings…perfect for people who don’t (or can’t) do daycare or who can’t take off work. For what it’s worth, our accountant has evening hours, also.
Just who is supposed to watch your child at the doctor’s office? The people there are working - they are at their job, busy with their work tasks. I sure as heck wouldn’t want to watch someone’s kid while I’m busy at work. Not to mention, the liability of the doctor’s office having to be responsible for your child - what if the child gets hurt or breaks something expensive?
It just would never occur to me to expect someplace without childcare facilities to babysit.
Hello? Why is the responsibility of the doctor/dentist/lawyer/accountant to amuse and care for the child? Are they supposed to provide snacks, too, in case the child gets hungry or thirsty? Providing for the child’s needs is the responsibility of the PARENT.
Since the parent knows the child is going to be there, and that there aren’t child care facilities, why in the world can’t s/he bring along something for the child to play with? A favorite toy, or even better, a special toy he only gets to play with when he’s brought along on errands – that should make the visits much pleasanter.
This is not one bit different or harder than tucking that baggie of cookies or that bottle of juice in your tote.
Well, we live in Japan, a county that doesn’t (yet) think so much about liablity etc. I was just hoping that the nurse who was standing at my head, chaperoning during my internal, might have offered to hold the kid’s hand, so he could stand by the side of the bed, rather than me have to do an arm-lock round him draped over my bump…
And yes, I do always bring juice, books, snacks. It isn’t that I am unwilling to entertain my kids, or discipline them - we have spent many hours pacing the halls, keeping out of the way of other people. But I cannot stress this enough - when my kids were small, there was literally not one single soul with whom I could have left them, and I’d have appreciated a member of staff just holding my kid’s hand or talking to them while having an internal exam, or my tooth drilled (I have had teeth drilled with the same kid sitting on my chest…) It would have been five minutes of someone’s time and would have meant the world to me.
But this is a real hijack now, and I’m sorry about it. None of this gets away from the fact that kids should never mess with other people’s property, and the parents of course should stop them the first second they show the inclination to do so!
I think these professions are unlikely to cause the childcare dilemmas that healthcare situations do. If I had to see a lawyer or an accountant, I think it would likely be in a business situation, in which case I’d do it during hours of scheduled childcare, which I’d be paying for because I was working…
I’m talking about mothers with small kids who are likely not working, or have no family to help out. I am several hundred times more likely to break a tooth or get flu than I am to need to see a lawyer or an accountant.
This house is surrounded on three sides by 12’ shrubs and I hope that someday me and my daughter can laugh about the day that the county sherriff sent over deputy’s to investigate blood curddling screams. turns out that her and her little buddies where outside in the pool and on the trampoline raising hell just as I was sitting here in plain view of them on the web with my headphones on listening to some frank zappa. I had no idea that they sounded like bloody murder to the neighbors. the cops told me that I was just about to be on the recieving end of a flash bang as I noticed them scrambling and stood up to go outside to see why.
I used to waitress; if a child ever addressed me with a lack of respect, I made it clear that it wasn’t going to fly. I didn’t care what it did to my tip. I had kids snap their fingers at me, interrupt me, yell at me, say things like, “I WANT MORE COKE! NOW!” etc., etc…
And I would either ignore them, or stare at them pointedly and say something like, “I’m sure your parents have taught you how to say ‘please,’ haven’t they?”
Most parents would get a bit flustered and back me up; a few parents looked at me like, “How dare you! You’re just a waitress! Get him/her what he/she wants!”
I really didn’t care at that point. People like that aren’t worth pandering to, and I’ve never had a job so important that I’m going to let a six-year-old talk to me like I’m their bitch.
And as for the OP, yes, it does strike me as odd that I addressed every adult as either “ma’am/sir” or by their first/last name plus Mr./Miss/Mrs., etc., and the word “please” was thrown around like candy. Just in the name of politeness and respect.
And now, if a child calls me “ma’am” or says “May I please have X” it’s so unusual that I feel compelled to compliment their parents. And it’s not like I’m so old that “times have changed.” I’m 26 years old.
As for the OP’s scenario…I would have said something, not necessarily to “teach a lesson” but probably because I wouldn’t have been able to help myself. And I would have said it to the children; their parents may not be salvageable but it’s always a good day when you learn, preferably earlier rather than later, that not everybody in the world thinks you’re the shit.
You should have told an employee of the gardens right away! That’s destruction of property, (put there for public enjoyment, such things probably raise the fees to go there) I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they ripped up flowers too.