Ted Haggard's wife responsible for his fall?

[Johanna]

@matt_mcl

Oh, holy Christmas. You guys really have to read that article right now, especially you queens - I just about busted a gut. This all sounds like what would happen if I designed a church, or at least that church-themed nightclub/sauna complex I’m always talking about called Ahh-men!

Queen, please!

LOL, thanks, matt! On one level, I howled with over the top mirth. On the other hand, just visualizing the place and everything about it made me seriously reflect – if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck and all… the conclusion gets obvious after a while.

paintings by Thomas Blackshear II, a Christian artist whose artistic vision is so homoerotic it’d make Robert Mapplethorpe blush. A gorgeous, naked, muscle-bound black man with angel’s wings is bent over as if to, uh, take flight. A weary, handsome carpenter (and dead ringer for Haggard) in a dirty T-shirt is held from behind by Jesus, whose grasp on the man’s chest is so firm that he’s lifted the man’s shirt above his waistline to reveal his treasure trail. I know—gay!

No one could just make this stuff up. This is rich! But seriously, folks, maybe George Orwell was onto something when he defined “doublethink” as holding two contradictory principles in the mind at the same time, while firmly believing in both. Ahh, men…

[kaylasdad99]

Ahh, women.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Woe is men.

[Tuckerfan]

@MerryMagdalen

Heh. Ted Haggart’s church is “The Gayest Place on Earth” according to this article in our alternative weekly.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=100742

I thought this painting sounded familiar.

A weary, handsome carpenter (and dead ringer for Haggard) in a dirty T-shirt is held from behind by Jesus, whose grasp on the man’s chest is so firm that he’s lifted the man’s shirt above his waistline to reveal his treasure trail. I know—gay!

It turns out I’d spotted it at Wallyworld a couple of years ago.

@me

I spot what has to be the strangest calendar ever produced. It’s a Christian calendar done in the same sleezy style as Thomas Kinkade’s work, but the subject matter of the painting is slightly different. On the front of the calendar is a painting of a man in a T-shirt with an anguished expression on his face. In one hand is the handle of a hammer, in his other hand is what appears to be a railroad spike. Supporting the man from the rear is a risen Christ, with a decidedly, uh, how can I phrase this, passionately intense expression on his face. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the scene in the movie Naked Lunch where Kiki’s raped by the giant centipede. I’m not sayin’ that the painter intended to paint a picture of an anal raping Christ (band name!), but that’s sure how it looked to me.

So, obviously, it was meant to be an anal raping Christ! :eek:

[Talon_Karrde]

Here’s the painting. I was hoping I could find the one with the naked black angel, but alas I could not.

[eleanorigby]

You think those are Levi’s or another brand?

(this is my reaction to bad art)

[GLWasteful]

@Talon Karrde

Here’s the painting. I was hoping I could find the one with the naked black angel, but alas I could not.

Oh! Sweet Jesus! Literally. I mean, damn, who on earth couldn’t have guessed that the person whose church featured that painting was a fan of the love which dare not speak it’s name?

And evidently Jesus is quite good. That sweaty, blue-collared good American man seems spent, to say the very least.

Although, he’s not dropped his spike or his mallet.

Which sounds much dirtier than I intended.

Which is perfectly all right.

[you_with_the_face]

Why is Jesus holding onto to Scott Bakula like that?

[kaylasdad99]

Well Scott’s always a bit weary after he jumps, you know.

Would I get in trouble if I said he’s a bit fagged?

[Cervaise]

@Talon Karrde

Here’s the painting.

Oh if I had a hammer
I’d get nailed in the bung by the son of God…

[Guinastasia]

Sweet Zombie Jesus, that painting is gayer than a flower-trimmed bicycle basket full of fluffy white kittens.

[David_Simmons]

@Talon Karrde

Here’s the painting. I was hoping I could find the one with the naked black angel, but alas I could not.

Leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms,

Leaning, leaning
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

[CarnalK]

Ha ha, and the guy in purple is looking like he’s about to pass out. That is sooooo like how gays like to bring home drunk-out-of-their-mind guys to fuck. Haha, so teh gaaaaay.
Kinda like this one:
http://thumb15.shutterstock.com/photos/display_pic_with_logo/739/739,1101167218,4.jpg

Haha, who doesn’t know what’s about to happen there?? wink wink, nudge nudge.

[Squink]

@CarnalK

http://thumb15.shutterstock.com/photos/display_pic_with_logo/739/739,1101167218,4.jpg

I touched that dead dude’s foot once. It was very smooth.

[CarnalK]

Yeah, I looked for that specific image because I saw it in person when I was younger. Since I was under 12, I jumped to the same thoughts our esteemed Dopers have relayed here.

[Ranchoth]

I wouldn’t say it’s gay…I’ve been corrupted by too many horror movies.

Either Jesus is about to feast on hammerguy’s blood (granted, granted…most vampire attack scenarios have more than a tinge of homoeroticism about 'em. Stupid Anne Rice.), or Jesus is about to shove his arm through the poor sap’s chest, tearing out his still-beating heart with a claw, and show it to everyone before he goes on an unstoppable killing rampage.

C’mon, the guy comes back from the dead, all on his own, and then he just skips town? Clearly suspicious. If he comes back, we better cut off his head and put a stake through his heart. That’ll hold him.

[Nava]

@furt

“Accountability” means having someone(s) in your life who you can confess to and whom you have asked to keep an eye on your spiritual health. For Catholics and some other denominations, the hierarchy (theoretically) takes care of this. (e.g. Preists confess to Monsignors who confess to Bishops, etc.)

For most evangelicals, there is usually no direct supervison of pastors, so there is no formal system for this. Thus, pastors must take the initiative to find people who are NOT in your church who can keep an eye on you.

e.g. The pastor of First Baptist is not going to discuss his deepest, darkest secrets, his fears, his problems, etc. with his parishoners. Maybe he should, but he probably isn’t. But he can, and should, discuss them with someone … usually another pastor.

I don’t know what do you think a Monsignor is (other than “Italian word meaning literally Mylord and often used to refer to bishops”), but any priest confesses any Catholic, including other priests of any kind of hyerarchical degree. And it’s one of the Sacraments that can be done by non-ordained faithful if no ordained faithful are available (Baptism is the other; Marriage can only be done by non-priests, in the Roman rite)

What denomination are you, please?

[Idlewild]

@Ranchoth

I wouldn’t say it’s gay…I’ve been corrupted by too many horror movies.

Either Jesus is about to feast on hammerguy’s blood (granted, granted…most vampire attack scenarios have more than a tinge of homoeroticism about 'em. Stupid Anne Rice.), or Jesus is about to shove his arm through the poor sap’s chest, tearing out his still-beating heart with a claw, and show it to everyone before he goes on an unstoppable killing rampage.

C’mon, the guy comes back from the dead, all on his own, and then he just skips town? Clearly suspicious. If he comes back, we better cut off his head and put a stake through his heart. That’ll hold him.

I’ve got to go for the vampire theory, why else would dude in purple be carrying a hammer and a stake?

[tomndebb]

@Nava

What denomination are you, please?

Psssst. Nava, it was the setup for the joke, later expanded in Post #53. It was not intended to be an accurate respresentation of RCC hierarchy.

[MsRobyn]

@CarnalK

Ha ha, and the guy in purple is looking like he’s about to pass out. That is sooooo like how gays like to bring home drunk-out-of-their-mind guys to fuck. Haha, so teh gaaaaay.
Kinda like this one:
http://thumb15.shutterstock.com/photos/display_pic_with_logo/739/739,1101167218,4.jpg

Haha, who doesn’t know what’s about to happen there?? wink wink, nudge nudge.

What the hell kind of sick bastard are you? That’s his mother, you asshole.

Robin