Teenage Advice Needed

Then it is their issue, not yours. Leave it alone, IMO. If they don’t know their little girl is turning into a woman, well, they should and it’s not your place to thrown it in their face.

Interference cannot come to any good in this case, AFAICS. The parents will probably come down hard on her, they won’t trust her any more, she won’t trust them any more AND she’ll move to a new page they don’t know about.

I have a different take on this than most (well other than Ivory Tower). In general, I feel that many adults are afraid of bringing up tough topics with teens, thinking that “they won’t trust me anymore” or “they will never speak to me again.” I say this is not necessarily true. If there is something that you think needs to be said, say it. Teens are nothing to be afraid of, especially if you think that it is an important topic. Yes, teens will piss and moan when you as a parent have something to say that they don’t want to hear, but tough. What is the alternative? Some people think that kids raise themselves, that they “find their own way.” I say this is silly. It is our responsibility as parents to actually parent. Some parents go out of their way to avoid discomfort- which unfortunately is a part of parenting. In the long run, teens appreciate boundaries and guidance.

And this general notion of “well, that is what kids do, it is normal, don’t worry about it” is not necessarily true either. Yes it is an expected innapropriate behavior, yes most kids do it, but it is the time for parents to be parents and capitalize on this “teaching moment” to redirect the kids towards more appropriate behavior. It is not unusual for 14 year olds to call each other “faggots” “bitches” or say that they “suck dick” in an apparent harmless teasing fashion. Just because this is normal behavior, it is still innapropriate, 14 year olds still need guidance. Someday they won’t be 14 year olds. They will be 30 year olds. They may think that you are an idiot now and ignore you, but hopefully they will take what you teach them now and use it as adults.

The teen used your computer, you stumbled upon it accidently, you read some kid giving their kid the business, this might be some info that the parents could use, or maybe they think that it is not important. In any event, I think that you should give the parent’s decision how to use the info. Of course, I don’t know the whole story, your mileage may vary!

Mesquite-oh: You have articulated so well what I have been feeling.

Part of me wants to take it lightly - I well remember being 14 (not THAT long ago), but part of me wants her to know exactly what you’ve just said.

Fourteen is young. Still young enough that she calls her father “daddy” (not so much done here). Still young enough that we have to remind her to brush her teeth in the morning. She’s a wonderfully smart girl and I love her very much, and she’s going to be wonderful, it’s just that I look at this behaviour and go :smack:

The girl in question - they were both caught wagging school a few weeks ago. My gut is telling me that if we don’t act now, it’s going to get worse and worse. When I say “we”, I sincerely mean that. Regardless whether I am her natural mother or not, she is with me a couple of nights a week and has been for around 10 years. I have assumed at the request of her parents a parental responsibilty. (v. long story)

Thank you all for giving me food for thought. It’s all taken on board.

Much respect,