I’m a long time lurker here, but now I must emerge to ask for some sound advise on a situation of mine.
First, some history is needed. There’s a girl (of course ). Her name is to be Susan. Susan and I are very very close friends (I’m male). Susan has been in a long-time relationship (more than a year) with a guy that I am also friends with. This relationship is quite rocky at the moment, as the guy has a propensity to be a total dick almost 24/7. So the security of this relationship is in doubt. Then there is another guy, who is also a friend with all parties involved, his name will be Shane. Shane has had a rather sad history with women and relationships. He recently ended a relationship with a girl and has been rather down about it lately. I recently got together with a girl (approximately a month ago). She is very sweet, but I’m quite aware that the relationship will not last forever. Everyone involved goes to the same school, a residential high school, and all of us except Shane’s ex and my girlfriend are seniors. The two girls are juniors.
Susan and I trust each other very much, and there is also a strange (and very strong) romantic/sexual tension between us. I’ve never really made any actions on it, since, until recently, she and her boyfriend have been rather close. I made a proposition to her last night about a potential, casual, fufilling totally non-commital relationship over the summer. Basically I asked her if she wanted to have a “physical” relationship over the summer. We also decided that if it caused any weirdness, we would stop immediately. We were both excited by the idea, and agreed no actual intercourse would be involved. We also postulated that we would only do it if we had no SOs at that point in time. We discussed this at length until 4:30 in the morning (thank God for the weekend). Today, I talked to Shane in his room about nothing in general. He revealed an online conversation he had/was having with Susan. He bluntly asked her if she would dump her present guyfriend and date him. She was rather taken aback, and told him that she was attracted to him. The irony of this situation stunned me.
I’m asking for solid advise on the wisdom of the proposition itself and what to do about Shane if I follow through on the proposition or not. I don’t want to harm any of the relationships between these people and the ones with myself.
Ok, So let me get this straight. 1 Magic Nipple & 3 puppies; A B & C.
Puppies A B & C are mates and should be playing friendly with eachother.
The nipple and puppy ‘A’ are in a mutual exclusive agreement. But puppies B & C want magic nipple, for it is the one true nipple, as described in the holy scripture.
Puppies B & C don’t think much of puppy A (gasp!)
Puppy B makes proposition to magic nipple, behind puppy A’s back, to get together with nipple (but for purposes of nibbling only). In the course of this he bad mouthes puppy A and supports the view of ending the agreement with said puppy. Puppy B at this time is also ‘getting it on’ with unidentified nipple, but doesn’t feel a lot for nipple and is just stringing her along.
Puppy ‘C’ Makes proposition, behind puppy A’s back, to get together with nipple for longterm relationship. He’s a sad, sad puppy because he has lost a nipple or 2 in the past.
Magic Nipple responds to all applicants in a favourable way.
Comments:
Puppies B & C are back-stabbing puppies who should be ashamed of themselves for meddling with Puppy A and the magic nipple’s relationship. Said Puppies should keep their feelings to themselves until the magic nipple is a free nipple once more.
Puppy B should be especially ashamed for he has used his “very very close” personal relationship with nipple to badmouth his self-proclaimed friend, puppy A. Thereby betraying both nipple and puppy A. If he wasn’t such an evil puppy he would have tried to be a mediator between them instead of thinking of only himself wanting a nibble.
Puppy B should back off, leave his current nipple, apologize to magic nipple & Puppy A and leave Puppy C alone. At least Puppy C is willing to give the magic nipple something real instead some casual nibbling.
The magic nipple is not worth fighting for. It’s a playing nipple that messes with the minds of puppies everywhere.
I don’t think you are getting the responses you had hoped for but I must chime in and say that getting involved with Susan sounds like a terribly bad idea…intercourse or not.
If she is so unhappy with the boyfriend then she should dump him. If she wants to try things with you then she should tell you that. If she is trying to hook up with Shane on the side then why would you want to potentially risk all these friendships over a casual summer fling?
If Susan and you are truly close friends and you want to keep that then I humbly suggest you keep the physical stuff out of it. It can ruin the friendship that you have. As a wise friend once told me, You can’t go back to being just friends once you reach a certain intimacy level with someone…it just doesn’t work most of the time.
Now, if you choose to follow through with this then be prepared for Shane to find out. For the current boyfriend to find out. And for Susan to be found out to be playing all 3 of you if that is what she is doing.
And if you listen to no other advice than this one…IF THINGS GET PHYSICAL WITH YOU AND SUSAN PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF OG USE A CONDOM.
It sounds like she might be playing the field with more than just you and you don’t want to expose yourself to that.
I second what Dung Beetle said (but not what he/she is carrying).
I hardly ever open these types of threads, and never comment in them. But I’m making an exception. Just this time. Single Serving Friend, that was an excellent post. Spot on yet humorous.
Perhaps someone should explain why you should RUN.
You have a significant other, but you say it’s not permanent.
She has a significant other but you say the relationship is rocky.
You and she had an intense conversation about taking your relationship to a new level, but apparently didn’t think it was worth doing it at the time.
Now your friend has made it clear he’d like to date her. In fact, he actually asked her, which is more than you did.
So, the possible outcomes include…
You wrecking your current relationship.
Her wrecking her current relationship.
Intense jealousy between you and Shane.
Either True Love between you and Susan, or wrecking the relationship you already have.
Understandable hard feelings by a guy you describe as “a total dick almost 24/7.”
And you don’t want to harm any of the relationships? Run.
Whether the proposition was wise depends on what you want. Do you ever want Susan to be your girlfriend/monogamous sex partner? If so, very unwise. Do you want to hook up with Susan, without having The Talk (i.e. “I really enjoyed fucking you, but I don’t want to date you”) afterward? If so, what you did is the right way to go about it. Pre-emptive honesty in this case is always best, as having The Talk really sucks.
However, your second sentence is just silly. If you hook up with Susan, it will almost certainly end your friendship in the long run. It could also end your friendships with Susan’s current boyfriend, and Shane. If Shane and Susan start dating, hooking up with his girlfriend will end your friendship, obviously. If Susan hooks up with you instead of dating him, that may cause stress, but only you can guess whether it will damage your friendship.
My advice: go for it. You’re young, it’s a good time to fool around and do stupid things. Odds are, you’ll never see any of these people after you leave for college. Don’t expect monogamy from Susan. Don’t be shocked if she drops you for someone else. If she and Shane actually start dating, forget the whole thing.
