Look, when I was in HS, I was Mister Band. Music was obviously my future. Funny thing, by the time I was 21, I knew damn well that music was not a job I wanted in any way shape or form.
Let me tell you another story. Ever hear of Julia Child? You’re kind of young, so maybe not. Before Food Network, before Iron Chef, before any of that Julia Child was the most famous Chef on the frickin planet. At age FORTY, she decided to learn how to cook. She couldn’t cook at age forty and went on to become the World Famous Chef. And she learned how to cook FRENCH. French is hard. Yet, starting at age forty, she went on to huge success.
Most people’s lives are like that. Some event comes along and erases you and have to start over. Sometimes, several times in your life.
Get this straight.
You are not your job.
Being a successful doctor, lawyer, chef or what ever does not mean you are a successful human being. Walk through a cemetary. Do you see jobs listed on the stones or do you see relationships. Wife, daughter, friend, that’s what you see. That is the only thing that matters.
As regards your sexuality? You know it’s not an ‘either or’ sort of question don’t you? You don’t have to be straight or gay, but you can split it down the middle, or a little to one side if you want.
My favorite factoid about Julia Child was that she worked in the OSS (pre-cursor to the CIA) during the war in a fairly sensitive position as assistant to General “Wild Bill” Donovan, the man who ran the place. She participated in the development of shark repellent for flight crews downed in the ocean.
This reminds me of movie star and screen vixen Hedy Lamarr who also invented a super-secret radio encryption method in WWII, that also became the basis for cell-phone and Wi-Fi radio protocols, called “spread spectrum”
The point is you can have multiple careers in your life. I worked for 11 years as an engineer and product manager in a Telecom firm. If you’ve seen employees use wireless phones at a Home Depot or in a hospital, you’ve probably seen my babies. Now I’m a stay-at-home Dad. When tru-squirt is firmly on his way to high-school, I’m planning to go back to school and become a paramedic.
I know all this has probably been said, but first of all, relax a little bit. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be right. You don’t have to be great at something to enjoy doing it, or to make it worth your time. And you are you, who cares what anybody else does? A lot of very smart people have trouble figuring out what they want to do, just because they can do a lot of different things. Find something you like and decide it doesn’t have to be the ultimate thing in your life. You aren’t destined to do any one particular thing. Pick something that interests you. You can still follow some of your other interests. I mean, look around here on the Dope. Do most of these people make a living at WoW, or from creating period costumes, or knitting, or studying the Civil War? What you do for a living is one thing, your life is sometimes another.
You don’t have to know it all now. But if you really feel too bad about things, or too confused, you might benefit from getting somebody to help you sort it out.
I figured with the music and drama stuff you were a gay dude.
Maybe a better way to say it is you are not ONLY your job. You spend more time at your job that you do anything else. Your job is the culmination of at least 8 years of schooling in preparation for it. It will define your lifestyle, where you live, who your friends are, your relationship with your family. If you hate your job, it colors everything else in your life.
I don’t agree with Chimera. Unless you want to do shift work, there are very few jobs, especially in IT, that will let you work a strict 9-5 schedule. But if that’s the type of job you want, they are out there. You just won’t enjoy the financial success of people who put in the extra effort. Also, I think you will find that those 9-5 jobs tend to not be very interesting or stimulating. Some people don’t want a family anyway. They just want to make money, have nice things and live the lifestyle. That’s a choice people make.
I think it’s the people who get forced into whatever jobs they have to take are the most miserable, not the ones who necessarily work longer hours.
There is no “right” or “wrong” lifestyle choice, but you need to figure out what kind of lifestyle you want.
Hey, don’t get me wrong. I put in the “extra effort” when there is some clear sign of reward. Or when I was an hourly consultant and got paid for it.
But for the first boss, all he was interested in was ‘face time’. He didn’t give a rat’s ass what you were doing, as evidenced by his promotion of a guy who would come in at 6am, spend most of the morning socializing, spend a good chunk of the afternoon sacked out in the warehouse SLEEPING, then make sure to wander past the boss’s office on the way out about 6pm. I got a project from him once that I finished in 3 hours. I was told to sit on my hands for at least a week, because it had been estimated at 2 weeks and he wasn’t going to accept it in less than a week. Ok, so why do I have to be here 50-60 hours a week when I’m not being asked to DO anything?
I much more enjoyed the jobs I had where I could take off early and end up working 30-35 hour weeks during the slow times (with my boss’ blessings) because they knew I’d happily work 50+ hours during crunch time. Because they knew I would come in at 10pm on Friday night, work until 1am, then be back at 8am on Saturday morning; if that was what was needed to do the job right (and for the guy I had before the second guy below, that’s what I did).
The second boss was a socially retarded asshole. period. Telling people, all summer long in a region where summer is the only time you can be outside, that they have to cancel FAMILY plans on 24 hours notice? For nothing of consequence? That they have to cancel vacation plans set up months in advance because he wants them to work that weekend? Ignorantly Inconsiderate at best, Stupid Evil Incompetent at worst.
Find out what you DON"T want to do (eliminate things like lawyer, doctor, priest) and then find three things you want to do. I know, ironically, it’s harder to find what you want to do than what you don’t want to do.
Hi guys, my membership is rapidly running out so this here will probably be one of my last posts.
I’d like to thank you all for your advice and anecdotes which have truly allowed me to come to terms with some aspects of the ‘teen mid-life crisis’. You guys said have made pinpoint observations and said EXACTLY the right things that I didn’t know myself e.g. that it’s okay to give up my ‘chosen sport’. I honestly thought it wouldn’t really be ‘okay’ to give it up. At the moment, academics is probably the most difficult thing for me at the moment, but I am working on it and seeking extra help.
Thanks you guys, its nice to hear wise words of wisdom from people who have been through it all.
Come back when we go free, if it’s the money that’s an issue. I think you’d be good here, and we like smart people. We also like people who pick our brains, if you haven’t noticed.
Allow me to quote from the other master (the one that wrote science fiction)
Dude you have your entire life in front of you.
I changed careers at age 23, 25, 32, 35, and 42. I am now 56 and changing again. What’s the big deal?
Relax.
