Wow, all this anti-“hanging out.” That is what being a teenager is all about! Sitting around, joking, watching videos, getting something to eat, walking. How constructive are they supposed to be? My parents hated it when I told them I’d been “hanging out,” but I graduated at 16 and turned out just fine (and I stayed up/slept in as long as I wanted from the age of about 15 on, though I often chose to not go to parties or clubs because the option was always open).
I didn’t really start going out much in the evenings until my friends and I started driving. Even then, I never went out on school nights. I worked pretty hard in highschool so there just wasn’t any time. My parents relented from their “no jobs while you’re in school” rule in 11th grade when I tried out for the local symphony and got in. That gave me even less time to go out.
Anyway, when I did go out I usually just went to movies, shot pool, and “hung out” at cafes or diners with my friends. I never had a curfew. I got a “that was rather late” from my parents the first time I came home after 12:30. After that I just made sure to call home if I was going to be home really late. I went up to my parents’ room to tell them I was home when I came in, although they usually didn’t wake up enough to remember the next morning.
I think my parents thought that I misbehaved a lot more than I did. I didn’t smoke or do drugs or even have sex. The only times I remember drinking when they weren’t with me was at the two end-of-season symphony parties I went to where I had some champagne. Nonetheless, they told me not to drive home drunk if I went to a party. They also told me not to get charged with statutory rape when they thought that I was dating and having sex with one of my female friends.
Once I went off to college they didn’t care what I did. I think they expected me to guzzle beer constantly and to sleep with half the girls at my school but that isn’t really happening. 
Oh and as for chores and sleeping in, my parents didn’t care when I woke up or when I did my chores. I got up when I felt like it. I usually didn’t need to be told to do anything. If I saw that dishes needed to be put away or if the dog had ripped apart her stuffed animal then I’d just clean it up. They didn’t care much about my room. I could leave that as messy as I wanted since I was the one living there, not them. I did need to be told to mow the lawn, but that’s becaused I asked them to remind me. I could never keep track of when the sprinklers were coming on and had to be sure it was a “dry day” if the grass was to be cut. My parents also didn’t care when I practiced music or if I skipped a day. I was getting paid to play in the friggin’ symphony, so obviously I was doing something right.
As I teen, I snuck out all the time and assumed my parents pretty much knew.
When I was around 25, I learned they had no idea.
A lot of my friends have a rule that their 16 and up kids can go out in the summer and on Saturday if they call home and say where they are every hour or so starting at 10 or 11.
I think that I will be somewhat strict about rules and curfew (but consistant) when d_redguy and I have kids, and this is why-
My parents were an odd mix of super, ridiculously strict and ultra, equally ridiculously lax.
My curfew my freshman year of high school (13 &14 years old) was 10pm on weekends and I was never allowed out on school nights, excepting legitimate school functions. The majority of my friends were two or three years older than me. I’m not sure exactly why, those were just the kids I hung out with. It was kind of rough to get a ride home by 10, so I lobbied for a later curfew. My complaints had an adverse effect. They changed my curfew alright- to 8pm. sigh
My sophmore year, they boosted the curfew to 10 again, but I still wasn’t allowed out on school nights. However, if I called and gave what they considered a good reason, I could stay out later. The reasons seemed illogically connected to random times. For example, if I called and said that I needed to be home later, because we were too far away (like a friend’s house in a nearby suburb) for me to be home exactly at 10- even if we left immediately- they demanded that I somehow make it back by curfew or get grounded. On the flip side, I might say that I was at a pool hall and just didn’t want to come home yet, and be allowed to stay out until 1am. It never seemed to make sense, and I was never sure exactly what a reasonable request was.
There were some family problems my junior year, so I went to live with my grandmother in a neighboring city. My parents allowed my grandmother to set her own rules. She gave me no curfew, only asking that I told her when I would be home. I could have (and often did) said something like “I’ll be home before school tomorrow.” It was fine with her. She trusted me far too much. I got into a lot of trouble, though I wasn’t often caught. Grammy NEVER told my parents when I did get into trouble. She’d just act sad and shake her head.
My senior year, my parents decided they wanted me at their house on weekends. They started out asking me to be home by 11pm. I managed to come close most nights, but not always. I called and asked to be out later one night “for a movie” (showtimes pre-checked) and was given permission. They never enforced a curfew again. ???
All in all, it was pretty confusing. I was never precisely sure how far I could push things. Looking back, I could have benefitted from firmer guidelines.
I got that the first time I got in at 6 am. Although I pointed out that by my age (17 at the time), my mum was engaged. She never complained about what time I got in after that.
I never had a curfew. As long as they knew where I would be when I was out or would be there wasn’t a problem. For example, I could say, I will be sleeping over at friend X’s house. That’s all fine and dandy. We could do anything we wanted. I was allowed to just go out but I would always call if I wasn’t going to be home that night so my father wouldn’t worry.
I did a few month stint with a very strict aunt. She gave me a curfew of 10pm. It wasn’t that bad but it made seeing movies very hard since the midnight showings tended to have matinee prices and my friends and I were all poor. She made no exception. For every minute late one was we would have 1 week of grounding. She has three children. The really sad thing is in her family 2 of the 3 kids still live at home (the two are in their forties) and the one that left rarely comes back (only on Christmas, if that).
As for my parents, we were all gone and out of the house by 18. I know that we could move back if we wanted or needed, but there really is no need.
Thanks again, folk.
Phlo - you succeeded in something I never thought possible. Giving me a legit reason for those picture phones. Genius!
Those questioning the “anti-hanging out” attitude - as a parent, I feel that a lot of parenting comes down to trying to play the odds. Have them make good choices about who they choose as friends. How they spend their time. Etc. Yes, every kid will experiment, test the rules. As I remember it, there were certain times when I was more likely to push the limits than others. And those tended to be when I was just “hanging out.”
As the old parental saw goes, my house, my rules. Heck, the kids don’t even need to wait til they’re 18! We’ve told them they are free to take us to court and become emancipated, such that they can make their own rules. 
We often ask our kids if we are really strict compared to other parents. What they always tell us is that some are more and others less strict. But what my kids - and their friends - really like about our parenting is that we are predictable and consistent. Which makes us feel good about the choices we’ve made.
Philosphr said, “They take a photo of where they are and send it to my sister when she calls and asks where they are. It works out pretty well.”
But couldn’t they just be hanging out wherever it is they take the picture? We hung out at McDonalds all the time. I dunno, it just seems not very “bullshit proof”.
Again, kalhoun, you try to play the odds.
Sure, they could just be hanging out at McD’s. But if they said they’d be playing pool in Johnny’s basement …