Tell me about meeting your spouse/SO

I have a friend who claims that the moment she met her now husband, she knew they were going to get married, or, at the very least, have a relationship of some sort. They’ve now been happily married for 10 years (1 kid). I have another friend who says that her relationship with her husband was always very comfortable, even on their first date. In her words, “It was like coming home.” They’ve now been happily married for 8 years (2 kids). At the other end of the spectrum, I have a friend who hooked up with a guy who was so drunk he couldn’t remember her name the next day. They’ve now been happily married for 11 years (2 kids). Don’t get me wrong–all of these couples fight but they’ve not had any serious problems nor has the D word ever arisen.

I’ve never experienced anything remotely like either of the first two experiences although I once had a horrible relationship with a guy who claimed that the moment he saw me, he knew I “was the one.” He didn’t bother to tell me the rest: “except for the other women I’m going to have sex with while we’re dating.” Anyway, I’ve never met a guy and thought “oh, this guy is someone special.” I’m not going to discuss what I know or don’t know about drunken hook-ups. :slight_smile:

In any event, here are my questions: How did you meet your spouse/SO? Did you know from the moment you met that something was going to happen between the two of you? Did you know right away that he or she was someone special? How long until you fell in love? Or did you? Is there still a spark for those of you who’ve been with your spouse/SO for years or is it more of a comfortable friendship? All other thoughts, commentary, meanderings welcome.

Thanks, all.

We met in rehab. Yep, there’s a story to tell the kids when they’re older! It was almost 14 years ago.

He says he knew from the first moment he saw me. He even remembers what I was wearing. It took a year or so of being friends before I realized that yes, he was the one.

Married ever since.

I met my wife through mutual friends.

My wife had gone to college with my friend’s wife. My wife had been divorced for a year or so and had experienced a series of unsucessful dates. One day, the friend’s wife (FW) asked me, “What do you think of Future Wife Person (FWP)?”. I replied, “I don’t.” Apparently, FWP had asked about me! That was definitely a first.

I had met FWP before while attending a birthday party for FW which was being held FWP’s house. She seemed nice enough, though.

We had all gotten together for Thanksgiving in 1993. We’d played Trivial Pursuit, cards, and so forth. We had a few laughs. A good time all in all.

A few days later, I called her and we talked for several hours. On December 11, we went to the movies (Mrs. Doubtfire) for our first date. After our third date, we knew we would get married. We did so on June 24, 1995.

I was living in Canada, and subscribed to an American newsletter for collectors of rare recordings. I had an ad in the classified section. One day in early 1996, I got a letter from a woman in Mississippi. We did a transaction, and a little while later, another one. You know how after you’ve written to a stranger a few times, who is interested in the same thing as you, you can be a bit less formal in letters? This started to happen. Later in the summer, I got another letter from her, saying she was moving back to Florida, and couldn’t buy anything from me, but would I still write to her? Well, of course I would!

We started off small, sort of being pen-pals. We discovered that we had all kinds of things in common - both musicians, record collectors, Beatles fans, wore glasses, had our hair parted in the middle; we shared a lot of the same outlook on a lot of subjects. It was around this time that I thought, you know, I didn’t know there were any girls like me! She’s one! It’d be really nice to have somebody who is so much like me…" Little did I know that she was starting to feel the same way. She called me on my birthday in October, and the next chapter of my life began. I knew she was special, and if there was some way to prevent this from slipping away, I was going to find out what it was. I suppose it was about 8 months before we fell in love. I knew she was the one.

I flew down (for the first time) and visited her the week before Christmas. It was terrifying and wonderful. We continued with the letters - they grew in size to, like, 37 pages, single-spaced. She flew up to visit me in April and again in August, I went again in December, and at the end of April 1998 I came here to stay. We were married on May 9, and have been incredibly happy ever since.

We did the whole immigration process, I got my work permit and green card and we’ve been doing that married thing as well as we can. There is no fighting, no jealousy, no selfishness, no nagging, nothing negative at all. The spark is still there, and we can’t see ever having as hassle-free a life with somebody else as the one we share with each other. It’s also a very comfortable friendship. I thank her often for marrying me, because I mean it.

My wife rocks.

My friend called me up and asked me if I wanted to go to Chicago with her. I said sure. So we went and stayed with her friend, the future Mr E.

Actually, I thought he was pretty awesome, but I was in a terrible mood that weekend and I was afraid that he hated me and thought I was a bitch. I noted all of his good qualities and thought he was a great person. I agonized weeks afterward that I had made a bad impression.

A few months later he came down to visit my friend, and she asked if I wanted to hang out. I said sure, then waited until she showed up, the entire time telling myself that I will be very nice and I will be very outgoing and show him that I wasn’t a bad person. There wasn’t anything more to it than that. I hadn’t the slightest clue that he was going to be someone special.

So I was nice, and outgoing, and tried to make him comfortable. I’m a goofy sort of person so that included throwing stuff at him and threatening him physically – but in a friendly way.

We ended up staying awake until 8 am the next morning, talking and flirting. I don’t think I’ve done that with anyone else.

After he left to go back to Chicago, he called and invited me up. That’s about the extent of our “meeting.” It wasn’t one momentous occasion, it wasn’t love at first sight. He does remember exactly what I was wearing, and I remember how he smiled when he said hello.

It sounds so…tame.

Age 15, I was the new kid in a new school starting 11th grade. She sat behind me in US History class (assigned seats, alphabetical). She asked me if I was new in town (she knew I was). The next day she comes in with all her notes from the previous day typed up. I asked her if she did anything besides study. She said “I go out if I’m asked”.

I ended up asking her out to Homecoming. From pretty much the first conversation, she made me feel a way about her that I’d never felt for anyone else, before or since.

That first meeting was over 31 years ago.

Gods, I’m old! But she’s still hot. And much more skilled! :wink:

We are the original internet couple. We met in a chat room on AOL 10 years ago. We actually didn’t chat much at first. I didn’t like his screen name. He invited me to a party, I begged off. He asked me to coffee, I was busy.
Then one day, some Jack-a-hole-bad-guy started beating up on me on line. The chat room was a group of people all (or most) living in the Seattle area, so I had met face to face with many of them, including the JAHBG. I’d run into JAHBG at Home Depot a couple days after 20 or 30 of us had gone out to dinner. He was crazy as well as bad. Anyway, JAHBG was scaring me, when my, now, husband gave me his phone number and said to call. I did.
My Fireman was funny, polite, and not in the least crazy.
At the time, I had been celibate, by choice for 9 years, with no intention of changing that anytime soon.
Somehow that was dropped into the conversation early on, so we were able to drop the mating rituals and become friends. Remember, we still hadn’t met face to face. He is still regretting many things he told me during that time, because, he told me everything :smiley: the chat room group had a picnic planned for a couple weeks later. I planned to go, and at some point asked if he was planning to go. (We talked on the phone every day for about a month before meeting) he told me (One of those regrets) He would, unless he got lucky the night before. He asked if I’d mind if he just rode along with me if he decided to go. I lived north of the city, he lived in the city, between me and the picnic site, so it seemed the logical thing to do. He called the morning of the picnic to say, no luck, picnic, next best.
I never felt anxious about meeting face to face. I had been brutely honest about my age and looks, as I had with everyone on line. He said the same.
At the time, I drove a Celica convertible. It was a beautiful day, top down, stereo blasting, I pulled up in front of his house. He was sitting on the porch. When I saw him, something relaxed inside me, and unbidden, I thought, “There he is! That’s the one I’ve been waiting for!” I still felt comfortable, but I knew right then, I was to live happily everafter…
He said it wasn’t as obvious to him, but he never looked at anyone else after the day.
That was August of 1995. We moved in together in 1999, and married in 2000. He is 18 years my junior, if that means anything. It doesn’t to us. He’s old for his age and I’m not. He is, was, and always will be, my very best friend, and I am his.
The reason I had been celibate all those years before, was that I’d made bad choices in men. I decided I couldn’t be trusted to assess a man’s character, so, easy: no more men.
That’s why It started, but what happened was, becoming, aquainted with, and friends with a very important individual… me. I learned to listen to my own needs and desires. I learned to be at peace with myself. I discovered quiet. I discovered that being alone did not equal being lonely.
I found that, like most people, I was really afraid of the little girl inside, drowning her out with TVs music, pointless chatter, but once I took her hand, we got on quite well.
I had to forgive her for being a helpless child all those years before. She had to forgive me for not listening to her cries for help.
What I ended up with was the center. If you’ve ever been on a ship in a storm, you can keep your balance best in the center of the ship. I found that center in me.
I don’t know that celibacy, per se, was of any help, but the forced isolation from distractions (read men) did.
Anyway, yes, I knew.
Sorry, I went on for so long.
Good luck in you search. That is what you’re doing, isn’t it? Searching? :wink:

I met the WryGuy on a blind date arranged by my mother. She knew him through business, and had planned a dinner meeting, but my dad, who was to go with her, ended up working. Mom asked me to go, because she knew he was close to my age and recently divorced (and I had had a recent messy break-up as well), and once business was over, she wasn’t sure she’d have anything to talk to him about. At least that’s her story - I suspect a fix-up was planned from the beginning. I didn’t want to go, but Mom begged. So I went.

About halfway through dinner he and I realized we had some stuff in common - not a lot, but enough to keep conversation flowing smoothly. We certainly enjoyed one another’s company. He called my mom the next day and said he’d like to ask me out, but he was concerned that I might agree to see him because I would want to please my mother. Mom replied, “She hasn’t listened to me for 23 years, why on earth would she start now?” So he called me, we went to dinner and a movie. I came home and told my younger sister I thought I’d met the man I would marry. She laughed at me.

We moved in together a month later, married a year after that, had a daughter a year after that. We’ve now been together for almost 17 years - his previous longest relationship was 4 years, my previous record was 18 months. Just tonight, we had friends over who inquired about how long we’d known one another, and the WryGuy told them this story, and said, “I knew it was forever the first time I laid eyes on her.”

For the record, we very rarely fight. In almost 17 years, I can count on one hand the number of serious disagreements we have had and on one finger the number of serious arguments that ended in tears. And we’re living proof that opposites attract: we aren’t the same religion, we’re polar opposites politically, we don’t like the same kind of music, movies or books, he’s shy and I’m not, he’s conservative and I’m not… the list goes on and on. I have no idea why it works, but it does work and it works very well :slight_smile:

We have actually been in the same email group together since about 1998. However, we’d never exchanged more than one or two off emails, which was odd, considering the group is actually very close IRL - one of the girls I met on the list has become my best friend and was my maid of honor in my wedding, another was a reader, and about seven or eight others from the group attended the wedding.

However, two years ago (about two years and three months ago), I had an accident and took a fall from my horse. I was laid up for several weeks, and for some reason, he and I started chatting on IM. I had never met him in person, but several friends from the list had at a bachelorette party for one of the girls (he was the ‘stripper’:D), and when I said we’d been talking, one of the girls knew right then that we’d get married.

We continued talking on the phone and on the computer. About two months into chatting, I felt differently about him than I’d ever felt about anyone. And when he made a comment about ‘our kids’ as a joke before we’d even discussed meeting, much less marriage, we knew. I went out to meet him in Ohio (from Brooklyn) for a long weekend and stayed with him - my friends thought I was nuts, but I knew I’d be fine.

The part I don’t usually publicize is the fact that I was a virgin until that weekend - it’s a long, convoluted story, but it stems from a childhood rape. We ended up sleeping together on our second night together, and I’ve never since regretted it - I’m glad I was able to exorcise that demon from the very start, and I’m glad it was him that helped me do it. We both came away from that weekend knowing that we’d get married. He proposed after ten months together, and we were married two months shy of our two year dating anniversary.

Obviously, there’s still a spark, but we’re newlyweds, so it’s expected;). He’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine that we’ll let the spark die. The one thing that I love about us is that we laugh all the time. We’ve laughed from the beginning of our relationship and we still laugh now. Our main goal in life is to keep that laughter going throughout our entire marriage.


I was asked out on a date by this guy named “Steve” Cause that is his names, quotation marks too. and he was a nice, but forgettable kind of guy.

I figured, sure I’ll go out with him because sitting around doing nothing isn’t entertaining and I am not meeting any people. I figured one date with “Steve” and I figured it would be a dinner and a movie. Who doesn’t like dinner and a movie?

You know, the usual first date stuff. And, to show how upwardly cool I was, I would offer to pay for one or the other. Dinner or movie. I’m fair like that, yes indeed.

Instead, he takes me to see a couple of his buddies play softball.

If you knew anything about me, you would roar with laughter at this thought. I hate baseball and a church league softball game has to be the worst thing to endure.

And it is a first date with Steve.

But, I went. Telling myself that this would definately be the last and only date with this guy. I mean, c’mon. Softball. URGGGGH! Why not just take me to a boardroom meeting regarding a product I care little about (toe nail clippers)and deny me coffee.

We walk up a hill and I see two guys in their uniforms. I really only see one of them and, I swear this is true, it was like the sun was all sparkly around him.

I swear on all that I hold dear that the minute I laid eyes on Mr. Ujest standing there in his tight softball pants and jersy that one day I would be married to this guy. The voice in the back of my head said, " He’s the one."

I’ve always listened to the voices in my head.

Looking back on the moment, I am pretty sure I was suffering from Pre-Softball induced Coma.

Mr. Ujest later told me that he and his buddy “Ken” ( who also uses quotation marks in his name.) and “Ken” FTR, is the bookend of my husband. They are almost exactly the same in tastes, dressing, jokes, and in looks. It is frightening, really. Anywhooo, Mr. Ujest turns to his friend and says, " What’s she doing with “Steve”?"

Meaning, I was the cutest, classiest broad their mutual friend had ever laid eyes on.
It is all very comical now.

11.5 years after marrying. Two kids. One dog. Major life changing motorcycle accident of his parents. My brothers’ illnesses & deaths, Lions football, head on collision with my econoline and my mom. 16 years after that fateful softball game.

He is " Little Miss Mary Sunshine" Type A personality with a German Anal Retentiveness that is so humorous to me. He only sees the good in the world and of people and chatters on like someone pulled the string in his back.

I, on the other hand, am like that wizened old chainsmoking jewish lady who farts at the table who says, " Vhat, you were expecting Queen Elizabeth?" except I don’t smoke and secretly wish to be jewish. just for the money and a cool last name. I do, however, fart. Vhat?

I met Mrs. RickJay over the Internet, initially, in 1998. One-and-only-dot-com. As it happened though we were both attending the same university, so it ended up being as much a school romance as an online one.

First met in a trendy coffee joint. Talked for five hours; she was so stunned at how well it went that she forgot her purse in the coffee bar. We went out again the next night; within three days we were referring to ourselves as a couple. Inseparable ever since.

Did I know right away? No; I’d like to say that but, thinking carefully about it, it would be a lie. I knew right away that I was attracted to her and wanted to be with her, but to notion of “okay, now I want it to be permanent” took a few months to form and take hold.

Despite that, there is no doubt whatsoever that from the beginning my feelings for her were different than for any other woman I’d been with. I had certainly been in love before, sometimes crazily in love, but Sharron is different; I am struck by the OP’s line, “it was like coming home.” We spend as much time together as possible and I never get sick of it and feel comfortable every moment. There’s no selfishness or concern over sharing; everything seems to be giving. There is a feeling that we have found a partner in every sense of the word.

In the fall of '84, my future wife’s roommate borrowed a math book from my roommate (it seems that the bookstore didn’t have enough copies). She then lent it to my future wife, with the promise that she’d return it to its owner when she was done. She came in (our dorm had an “open door” culture) and found that my roommate wasn’t in, so I took the book from her.

Apparently she had an “Omigod it’s HIM!” reaction, as she had seen me earlier in the cafeteria line. Being the first day of living in the dorm, most of the guys had dressed to impress. Being that we had just moved in that day, I showed up in my moving clothes: dirty, faded, stretched tee and shorts. Kinda stood out, huh? Despite my lack of fashion sense and social graces, she also had that “immediately comfortable” reaction.

We moved in together the next year, married in '96 (because, you know, it takes 11 years to figure out if this is REALLY the right person), and now have two kids.

After I got divorced our two boys, age 17 and 11, kept living with me while their mom headed for higher ground.

About six weeks after the divorce, my oldest son had a first date with a girl. Next day I asked him how it went. He said there were no problems, but there wasn’t anything between them either and he wouldn’t be asking her out again.

Then he started in on me: “YOU have got to go meet her mom! Her mom is hot! Her mom is cool!” (I ask which is it, already?) “Her mom makes this killer chocolate cake! Her mom plays your kind of rock ‘n’ roll on the piano! Her mom has a great job, she’s a nurse!” And on and on.

Now, I wasn’t lookin’ for somebody. Our divorce arrangement left me with all the debts, including considerable credit card debt my dearly departed ex had run up in a short period of time. I had the 11 year old to care for. I did have a good paying employment situation that was stable. My plan was to lay low for a year and regroup.

But the boy persisted. It got to be like sixth grade, with him serving as the messenger for “he said/she said” notes. It got embarrassing!
Finally I told the boy I’d make a deal with him: I would call the woman and ask her out on a date if he would promise never to interfere in my romantic life again. He agreed.

Then I got a plan: I would ask the woman out to a ballgame. She would, of course, decline, and the issue would be over. But she didn’t decline, she accepted! :smack:

Long story short, she was hot and she was cool and she was a nurse, she did make killer chocolate cake and play a mean piano.

We got married three days after I was legal (six months after my divorce). We celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary last August. :smiley:

No matter how old your children get, they will continue to make you want to commit murder from time to time, but ever since 1985 there has been a limit to how angry I can get at my oldest son.

I felt pretty comfortable with Deb all through our first (48 hour long) date, so there was always a feeling that she was special.

She claims that she told her then roommate, right away, that I was “the one,” (although she made me woo her back from a former boyfriend that she went back to for a while).

I knew pretty early on that we were a couple.

I’m not sure why the OP distinguishes between having a spark or a comfortable friendship: they are not in any way mutually exclusive.

I was dating three guys on a regular basis for about three months (hey, I was young and it seemed normal thing to do the time) but one night, alone at the local Gay bar, I saw a guy across a crowded room. I knew. Just knew it right then and there. I walked over and we barely had to say 10 words and we hit it off big time.

Two days later, I broke up with the other three guys.

My SO and I have been together 24 years this coming February.

What can I tell ya…love at first sight really does happen.

I love these stories!

We met online at first, in 1996, and talked for about, oh, 5 months.

For the first 2 or 3 months, we were just buddies. He had a thing for one of my IRL friends (who frequented the same chat room), actually. My first love, who I would have married in a heartbeat, had dumped me not long before I met Mr. online. I was heartbroken, depressed and definitely not looking for a man.

During Christmas break of 1996 we talked every night, all night long online for about a week which is when things started to heat up. He started to forget about my friend, and I started to realize how totally wrong for me my first love had been.

We kindasorta knew a few weeks after that that we were in love, but still hadn’t met in person. By this time we’d talked quite a bit on the phone and sent letters the size of novellas to each other.

Finally met on February 28th. When we hugged, I knew I was going to marry him. We got engaged about 2.5 months later, in May, and then married October 1998.

In April 1998, I logged onto the Yahoo chat rooms. The old HTML version. I surfed around from room to room, waiting for some friends of mine to get online, and HE appeared in the room (also waiting for friends.) He started quoting Beatles songs at me (“Little Child” to be exact). It made me laugh, so I gave him my email address.

It was weird, because we both had our own friends and romantic interests, but we kept dancing around each other. Pretty soon, I started looking for his name first. He admitted he constantly checked for mine. I can’t think of any one reason why we continually sought each other out. We played “Beatles Trivia” and he cheated (he asked his dad for all the answers.) He made me laugh. I finished my freshmen year in HS that year, and I had nothing to do all summer but chat. I couldn’t drive, and even if I could, I had no where to go.

So we chatted. And then we started calling each other. You can learn a lot about a person when you talk to him every single day for up to 12 hours a day. I knew by July that I was completely in love with him.

Told him in August.

He told me he felt the same about a week later.

Two weeks later, we met face to face for the first time. It was my 16th birthday (3 weeks before his 19th birthday), and we met in Vegas. My mom and my two sisters took me there as a gift, and I told him if he would fly in, we’d meet him at the airport.

I hugged him when I saw him and took his hand, and I didn’t let go for the rest of the day.

He came home with us and stayed in our “guest room” (our camper) for about three weeks before going home. He was gone for six weeks, and I missed him so much that it hurt. I worked a deal out with my parents so that he would move in with us, get a job, and pay rent.

Somehow, some way, some reason, they agreed. On Oct 30, he came back into my life and slept in the living room (it was too cold for the camper).

He proposed formally that Christmas, but he didn’t have to. We both knew we’d get married eventually. We kept it a secret and announced it about three months after my 18th birthday. Six months later, we got married. That was 3 1/2 years ago. Which means he’s been with me for about a 1/3 of my life.

It’s kinda crazy when you think about it, huh?

I met him at church, yep. He started asking to walk me home and hanging around, and while I didn’t actually want to date him (after all, he might want to get married, and I was not about to do that), I wasn’t real thrilled when I heard he’d asked out another girl, either. That date didn’t work out and he did ask me out, much to my sort-of-dismay. Then he wanted to hold my hand, and I wasn’t any too sure about that, either.

Anyway it took him about 3 weeks to decide that I was the girl for him. He was too smart to say so, though. Once I’d managed to overcome my fear of dating him, I made him promise not to talk about marriage for a long time. So, one night I thought about it enough to decide that when he asked, I would probably say yes, as long as that day was safely in the far future.

Less than 24 hours later, to both of our surprises, he proposed, and I said ‘I guess so’ and went into hysterics. Much comedy with various roommates ensued, I called my folks, and generally managed to commit myself as far as I was capable of. It wasn’t that I thought it was a bad idea, you see, just that I had a habit of being terrified of marriage.

We were engaged for six months, and once the wedding was over with, I was as happy as could be. We’re coming up on our 9th anniversary, have 2 kids, and life has pretty much only gotten better.

Tokyo 1993 a place called Billy’s Bar in Akasaka-mistuke had an all you can eat and drink night (with a lot of imported beer), a beer chugging contest and a wet t-shirt contest all for about $50 (which is a deal in Tokyo). How can a group of single investment bankers resist something like that.

Anyhoo, just standing around drinking New Zealand beer and talking when one of the guys asked some woman “so, where are you from in Japan?”

I slapped his shoulder and said “sorry Dan, but look somewhere else.” and I laid eyes on this woman for first time and said “小姐,你好?” (How ya doin?) She was just flabbergasted that a Western guy in a japanese bar was speaking fluent Chinese to her. We chatted for a while and agree to meet a week later at the same time and place (no beer chugging or wet t-shirt contest the next week). I watched her take part in the beer chugging contest (a distant 4th, and the winner was this petite Japanese woman who could slam beers as fast as anyone I’ve ever seen). She didn’t take part in the wet t-shirt contest, althought my buddies and I all oogled the ladies that did.

A week later I walk into the bar and there she was. Flashed me a big smile and I knew she was special. I didn’t think that’s the woman I’m going to marry, but from that first date I did know we clicked and it would be special.

Married 4 months later and moved to Hong Kong. Have a 4 year old daughter, and twin girls coming in January. Chinese New Year will mark our 12th anniversary.