Please. I’m freaking out. I just found out I’m pregnant even though I’m still breastfeeding and on the mini-pill (I guess the mini-pill is part of the problem). I don’t know what to do - this was completely unplanned (obviously). We were done with having kids. Our youngest just turned 14 months. We might not even have the finances to have a 3rd. I don’t know what to do!
Please tell me that, whatever we decide, this will be ok. Please. I’m terrified.
Whatever you decide, things will turn out OK. I’d hug you if I could, so please consider yourself hugged.
I know there are various options and you may or may not think that some of them are all right for you at all or just at this time, but one important step is probably finding out how far along you are.
If you don’t have insurance, Planned Parenthood has a sliding scale - and yes, they cover caring for pregnant mothers and their babies; I’m not advocating ending this, or advocating any decision over another. Just pointing out a healthcare option that gets overlooked.
I don’t have any stories to share; I just wanted to give you a response to read and hopefully help comfort you.
Our first one was unplanned. I was quite sure we were going to wait a few months before we tried for kids. We didn’t have our finances in order, we were going to wait and save some more…
He just turned three and he’s lovely.
One, everything’s going to be okay.
Two, I am so sorry you’re having to go through this. It’s an awful feeling. Ask me how I know!
Awww, overly, I can feel your terror in your words.
Whatever you decide, it will be OK. It might not feel that way now, but it’ll be OK. You might occasionally second-guess yourself for the rest of your days, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be OK.
Deep breath.
Deep breath.
When I found out I was pregnant with Whatsit Jr. (now age 9) I wasn’t married, Mr. Whatsit (then Boyfriend Whatsit) had just been laid off from his job, and we were living in a little one-bedroom house that was totally, totally inappropriate for kids. To say that the timing was bad would be an understatement.
It totally worked out OK, though. And you will be OK, too. No matter what you decide.
I was unplanned. My parents married about 5 months before I was born (after having broken up due to geographical distance). They just celebrated their 30th anniversary and I think I turned out just fine, thankyouverymuch.
Twenty-two years ago I was almost exactly where you are. I remember sitting in the living room, rocking and nursing my 16-monther, and crying. Fortunately she was asleep, because I was also apologizing profusely to her for allowing this to happen, for making her be ‘not the baby’ anymore, for taking attention away from her, for all kinds of things.
The reason for all those tears is in her bedroom right now, my beautiful, exasperating, surprising ‘baby girl’.
When I told my husband I thought I was pregnant, he told me he’d been thinking we should stop with two. She slipped in there just in time, and I’ve always been glad she did.
It will work out.
And on a practical note, the third is much less costly than the first one or two, because you already have most of what you need.
In the meantime, I understand.
My mother was where you are, only with the fourth child. And the youngest of the three was already 8. My folks were pretty much ONLY together because of the kids, so this really, really did not help at all. And my mom had been on birth control of one kind or another for all four conceptions…this one was with the Pill, which the doctor didn’t bother to adjust over time; something about it not working after 5 years, or somewhat? Whatever…angry, trapped, guilty, afraid…I know my mom went through all of that. Not to mention dealing with a husband who pretty much hit the bars after work at least 3 nights a week.
My baby sister’s middle name is Jean, who is the neighbor-friend of my mother’s who was the ONLY one to not insist that an abortion was the only way to go.
This is coming from someone who has chosen abortion during the only time I had to worry about something like this, so don’t think I, or any one else, is pushing anything.
But whatever you choose, it will be ok. It will be ok. Harder than you expected your life to be at this point, but it will be ok.
And please don’t feel guilty about feeling bad. Pregnancy can be scary under the best of conditions; just freak out a little while.
First, I’ve never been pregnant as I don’t have the right plumbing.
Two, EvilSon was an accident too. I was young and stupid back then, and had literally no experience with raising children. He’s doing just fine in life, I love him more than anything, and has an older half-sister to look up to as well.
Everyone is right; everything is going to be OK. 
It’s not OK right now though. Oh no. no. No it’s not OK now. But soon everything will be OK. In the meantime, how about some sage advice.
I hate laptops! I had a nice long post and since my computer is taking a dirt nap and I’m sneaking on my husbands and not used to it, my stupid thumbs hit something and I lost it.
This reminds me of how my youngest daughter came along. The one difference is she is the youngest of five and I found out at my six week check up after just having a ten and a half pound boy.
I had been trying to nurse my son and was failing horribly and kept telling the nurses and lactation folks that even though it was my first time nursing something just didn’t feel right. I tried everything and just wasn’t able to nurse him even though they kept telling me that everything seemed right. I know that there have been people that can still nurse while pregnant, but being pregnant so soon my body just wasn’t able to feed me, my little music man, and the baby inside.
My husband didn’t deal with the news well and that made for even more stress aside from the fact that we didn’t have the room or money for one more. I know some don’t agree, but I’m of the mind that I was broke and happy with four, I could be broke and happy with five. We did get a little help from the state all of those years ago. I believe that state aid can be a good thing if it’s used as a way to supliment not a way of life. We worked our butts off to be broke and happy.
I made plans to get my tubes tied after she was born and my good friend at the time (hubby’s first wife) joked she was going to sleep in my room after delivery before the surgery so that way there was no chance of me getting pregnant before they could do the surgery.
~hugs~ You can do this! I know there are many Dopers along with myself who will be here for you.
And in the post that went missing because of my stupid thumbs I was writting about an idea that I don’t know if it has been thought of before.
There are a lot of Doper exchanges folks do around here and maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to have a Doper hand me down. Clothes, toys, car seats, unopened baby food or formula. Hand me downs are great within a small family, they are better with a large family like we have here. So many Doper familys to share!
Back on topic, my youngest daughter is now 13 and she is an amazing young lady. I wouldn’t change it for the world. She wasn’t unplanned she just came along a bit earlier than expected. All of my children are amazing.
I guess I don’t have any helpfull advice but just wanting to let you know that one more person has been in that terrifying situation and is here for you if you need an ear or a shoulder however you decide to go with this.
I lurk more than I post but you can PM me or reach me at FaceBook if you do that.
~big hugs from one stressed out mom to another~
As the mother of two spectacular unplanned children and as someone who has had one abortion - it will all be okay. No matter what you decide it will work out. Both having the abortion and having the children were the right decisions at the time. Take deep breaths and give yourself a break. There is no fault to be assigned, life happens and now you just need to feel what you need to in order to get to the point where you can think about making a decision. Give yourself time to get used to the knowledge before you decide what to do with it.
Oh, honey, I know exactly how you are feeling right now and you have every right to feel that way, so don’t feel guilty about it.
It will be okay. Whatever you decide to do, it will be okay. Just keep telling yourself that. It will be okay.
Whatever you decide to do, it will be OK! Really really really! It will.
I have been pregnant twice in my life. Once at age 19, terminated at about 9 weeks. That was the right decision. I’d just started an undergraduate degree program at a private college on a full-ride scholarship . . . etc. and stuff. I went to Planed Parenthood and saw a wonderful doctor, a man whose life work had been better reproductive health for women in that city and also in rural parts of the undeveloped world. He and the staff were friendly, welcoming, serious, professional, and gentle.
The second time: a year ago next Wednesday. I was 40 and had just finished chemo and radiation therapy (I’ve told parts of this story on the boards before, I think) for tongue cancer. I was unemployed, my husband was seriously underemployed and hadn’t finished writing his dissertation after 10 years in his PhD program, and we were taking huge gifts of money from my parents every month to pay the bills. I thought I had indigestion from chemo killing off my good bacteria, but I was really 20 months along (that’ll put a rumble in your gut, all right). I have never been so scared in my life. Now we have a perfectly healthy, super-adorable baby boy. (In other developments, the PhD is finished, I have a job making almost twice what I did before I was laid off, and I’m apparently in full remission.) As a friend of mine said when we announced the pregnancy, we should probably expect our son to be a superhero, given his origin story.
Someone could easily argue, if they wanted to, or just imagine quietly to themselves, that either of those decisions was wrong. They would be full of it. Two of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but I got 'em right.
Whoa, that musta been one huge baby! 
Thank you so much for all your support! My husband and I are going to the doctor Thursday to discuss it. I don’t know what to think, so I think I’ll freak out for a while.
I called my husband to tell him that I needed him to come to the doctor with me and he started laughing. That actually made me feel a lot better. When I asked if he was laughing because he was happy or out of sheer disbelief, he said both.
I think the worst part about today is that I found out while I was at work (I ran out, got the test and used it in the pharmacy ladies’ room). It’s not easy to concentrate when you get news like that. I should’ve waited, but on some level I just knew.
I was just doing the math m’self when Overly came back in with her update… 
Ummm … well, at least, now you KNOW, y’know? Wish I had something more useful to offer than that. This is between you, your husband, and you.
Yeah - I almost decided to wait another week before taking the test. I reminded myself, though, that regardless of what we choose to do, knowing earlier rather than later is better. At least that way I have more time to think.
It is kind of funny, though. I made the promise to myself after I had my first that I wouldn’t make any absolute promises to myself anymore about my children. Then we have number two and I subsequently make the “firm” decision not to have anymore. Fast forward to this afternoon. Jesus H. Christ. Life is amused by people who make plans, huh?
I just thought of something else kind of funny (my sense of humor is returning - this is good): in the thread about ideal child spacing, I said I wished my kids had been no more than 18 months apart, but no more than 2 years. I guess you should be careful what you wish for.
If we have this one, my two youngest will be just under 2 years apart, give or take.
Okay, just swung back on the pendulum from bemused/amused to holy shit. Back to freaking out.
Yes, yes it is. Boy howdy ain’t that the truth. You also cough might want to check your PMs.