Tell me the best jokes that makes fun of the Chicago Cubs

As a STL Cardinal fan I love nothing more than watching the Cubs choke, especially on Chip Caray’s words. I’ve heard numerous Anti - Cub jokes over the years and I was wondering if anybody in here had any to share? Thanks. Oh yeah, ***K the Cubs

Your team is playing the second game of the NLCS at this very moment, and you want jokes about the Cubs.

A Big Game Hunter goes to hell. He’d been a pretty bad man, so Satan wants to make Hell especially bad for him.

Satan puts him in a room and turns the heat up to 120 degrees. He leaves him there for a day, and them comes back to check on him.

Satan: So what do you think of Hell?
BGH: This is great! Reminds me of all the hunts in Africa. Great memories, thanks a lot!

Well, Satan thinks to himself, we can’t have this. So he goes back to his control booth and jacks up the humidity to 100%. He leaves them here for a day. Upon his return:

Satan: So, how do you like me now?
BGH replies excitedly: This is even better than before! Those jungle hunts were the best of my life! Awesome, thanks much!

So, Satan is getting frustrated. He goes back to the booth and turns off the heat and humidity. He turns on the freezing temperatures and snow and hail and cold winds. He leaves him there for a day.

Upon his return, he finds the Big Game Hunter rolling in the snow, giggling, giddy in bliss.

Satan: WTF?!?!?

Why are the Cubs the only team without a website?
They can’t get 3 W’s in a row.

Those are the only 2 I can think of right now, but as a lifelong Cubs’ fan, I’ve heard them all. I’ll post as they come to mind.

What? Like I am going to sit around and wonder if they are going to win?

Once had a photoshopping contest about Steve Bartman. One person posted a Peanuts parody in which Lucy-with-Bartman’s-head was pulling the classic pull-the-football-away stunt on Charlie Brown. I always thought it was clever.

I found the thread, but the picture isn’t up anymore, unfortunately.

Why does anybody need jokes about a team that’s a joke in itself?

Cub fans: 95% scar tissue.

As a Cubs fan, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Silly jokes like these don’t bother us. It’s the real life catastrophes thrust upon us by a cold and uncaring world that really get our dander up. Mention goats, Bartman, 1969, Lean Durham’s knees, Ernie Broglio, 1908, 1945, Will Clark’s hot streak, the college of managers, and a few other things and in no short time you’ll be in front of either a very depressed person or a very angry person.

Of course, then just mention that at least we aren’t fans of the White Sox and everything will be OK.

Well, there’s the classic announcement from the PA system:

“Would the woman with 9 children please pick them up. They’re beating the Cubs 6 to 2”

Variation: Insert name of favorite high school team.