It isn’t just the man’s fault, it’s the woman’s fault for being that way in the first place too. We can’t just foist all responsibility off on the men and wash our hands of it.
If I ask my other half something it is his responsibility to tell me if he can or can’t do it, yes, but I do have some responsibility not to make unreasonable demands in the first place.
Calling 5-6 times is absolutely ridiculous. I at the most call him maybe 1-2 times a week at work. That’s his job. It’s not his time to get phone calls from his SO. And I only call when I have something urgent. With the advent of e-mail there really is no excuse.
Out with friends? Let me know ahead of time, and then only please call me if you find you’re going to be substantially later than you originally planned. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a phone call if you said you were going to be home at midnight and it’s now 2 AM - especially since my other half is very time-conscious and very prompt.
Naggy, whiny women have made it so men don’t want to get married anymore and honestly I don’t blame them. But men need to be conscious of what they’re doing too. Listening to ScareyFaerie is a good example. Playing WoW for a few hours is one thing. Playing it for seven hours straight, even - god knows I’ve played games for hours on end, but usually he plays with me, too. But when you’re obviously neglecting your house and home…there is a problem.
I hadn’t thought about it that way. Thanks for your perspective. I’m relieved to hear it.
In general it just bugs me when people refuse to take responsibility for things in their relationship that they aren’t happy with. People who complain about their spouses to others but never approach their spouses with their complaints; people who silently get pissed off but never vocalize it in a productive way; etc. This certainly seems to be the case with lots of “whipped” people listed in this thread. In a relationship, in the majority of cases (excluding physical/emotional abuse, which can be perpetrated by any gender towards any gender) either something is acceptable to you, or you should get out. If something is happening that is unacceptable, but you’re not willing to leave, that’s your problem to solve. In my own experience this approach has served me quite well - if I don’t like it, and he’s not going to change, then it’s up to me to either get over it or get out. I have done both.
Then it’s clearly not a case of being “whipped.” The thing that makes me want to punch someone is when he says “whatever you say, dear” and rolls his eyes to his friends to imply that he’ll get in trouble by the old ball and chain if he dares to express an opinion of his own.
Being with a working musician for a dozen years, I can say that you are absolutely right. I looked forward to the two nights per week he was gone to practice but every other one he would be home early (John’s SO needed him, wanted him home etc) or practice would be cancelled all together. (John’s SO couldn’t watch the kids, needed to go out for her friend’s b-day etc). The practice days were consistant but I guess her plans were more important. Don’t get me started on her nutsy attitudes at the gigs. Running and hanging on him at every break to make sure no other woman can mistake him for being available. I always found it interesting that they would grow to hate her when he was the one that was letting it happen.
Until I got to the bad ending, I thought you were going to continue with, "they had kids, we said “he’s whipped”… and end up with him being supported in his old age by his wife and kids while you, the critics, lived alone and bitter, playing poker with the rats and dustbunnies…
Abuse is different, ok? When you’re talking about actual threats and stuff, it’s a whole different subject. It may have a weird sort of similarity from the outside, but there really isn’t much of anything in the way of common ground between the two situations.
If you ask me, there really isn’t any such thing as being “whipped.” There’s abuse; there’s people making bad decisions, but out of their own accord; and there’s people making decisions their friends don’t like. If someone is in a relationship where there is real abuse, I think it trivializes it to call it being “whipped.” If someone is in an unhealthy relationship where they let another person walk all over them, it pisses me off to say they are whipped, because usually it’s how they want it to be. I’ve seen lots of people go from being a doormat for one mate to being a doormat for the next; they may have issues, maybe they need therapy or something, but it’s not a problem with the girlfriend/boyfriend. It a problem with them, and acting like it isn’t just excuses the self-destructive choices that person is making. The name “spineless” is a bit better, but still kind of mean, because I think a lot of these people have real issues and it’s sad.
Then there’s the last category, and this one bothers me the most. Like a couple of other posters have mentioned, my SO and I have both been accused of being “whipped” because we rarely do things without the other. MY SO has one friend in particular who can’t stand me, because I never “let them” hang out anymore. Well, the truth is, this guy is an ass who hates women and always says mean shit to me, so I don’t hang out with him. Now, my boyfriend could see him if he wanted, I don’t care. But he doesn’t want to, because he would rather do things with me, or with me and other people who aren’t assholes. So, according to him, I’m a bitch. :rolleyes:
…he comes over this weekend with another buddy. Three guys watching football. My wife and her sister (his wife) are out-of-town with Mom on a girl’s weekend getaway.
He goes to the bathroom, which we just renovated. He comes back bitching that the new toilet sucks - too high off the ground, too narrow, etc. I thank him for dropping a turd bomb in there only 2 minutes after he arrives. He informs us “No, I was just taking a leak.”
Well, I ask why he would sit down to piss. He responds that he’s now used to doing it that way. Per his wife’s request (nagging). She does not like pee splash on the rim or floor (understandable), and after many months of him trying to remember to wipe the rim after peeing she put her foot down and insisted that he pee sitting down. So he sits down to pee because his wife makes him.
He can’t stop pissing on the floor and rim, doesn’t remember to wipe off the rim, she finally gets fed up with his disgusting behaviour and demands change, and that is being whipped? No, it’s being a child.
Seriously–pee on the rim and floor is disgusting and it should be the PEE-ER’S responsibility to clean that stuff up. And if he can’t/won’t, then damn straight he should sit. Or wear a diaper. His choice.
That’s overstating it a bit. Its more like an occassional drop and his wife gets upset so now he sits. Thats like me getting pissed (no pun intended) at my spouse for leaving a crumb on the counter, hence she can’t eat in the house.
Frankly I can’t give full credence to your story. You are hearing half the story and we are hearing it third-hand. You don’t really know what the conversation was between Wife and Husband, you don’t know how much pee it is, and you’re only hearing his side of it.
And if he is whipped, as others said, he takes some of the blame too. If it truly only is a drop then he needs to grow a spine and tell her to back off and clean up the goddamn pee himself, and not whine to his friends about how hen-pecked he is.
Yeah, he’s basically become his wife’s bitch. My girlfriend is lucky that I sit down to take a shit instead of just lobbing one in from the couch.
I blame society and the media. Turn on the TV any time day or night and you will see a constant flow of imagery of a pretty harpy pecking at some poor, broken, slob of a guy. Men are constantly portrayed in relationships as either buffoons, saps, dupes or manipulative (and possibly violent) scumbags.
Well, you’ll have to take my word that I’ve represented what he told me accurately. And yes, its one side of the story, but honestly he has NO motive for admitting this giving the ribbing he got (and rightfully should have expected). Maybe its a lot of pee, maybe its a little. He still sits down, and that means whipped from my perspective. And your last sentence was exactly my point to him - he’s whipped if he can’t do that.
I’m fascinated by this new development (i.e. sitting to pee = whipped). It was on these very boards that I learned that this is something that CONSIDERATE men do in bathrooms that they don’t have to clean themselves, particularly if it is a woman’s bathroom.
Because bathrooms that boys stand up to pee in become much grosser than bathrooms that boys don’t stand up to pee in. If you stand up to pee in my bathroom, you are spraying a fine mist of pee all over the place that would not be there if not for you. You are not *adding *to the fine mist of pee that I’ll be cleaning up anyway, you are in fact creating work for me to do that I wouldn’t otherwise have to.
I can testify to the truth of this, as I have lived with a man, then lived alone, then dated a man who sat down to pee, and am now dating a man who does not do so. The cleaning requirements of my bathroom floor throughout this progression are exactly what would be predicted by the sitting-down-to-pee theory in the preceding paragraph.
I agree that if it’s so emasculating to have to sit down to pee, the remedy is not to bitch to your friends, but to learn to clean up your own pee instead of making your wife do it.