From what I understand, its been an ongoing issue and she finally wore him down. From a personality perspective, he’s pretty low-key and conflict adverse. She’s not. He tried cleaning up all the time, occassionally forgot (or got blamed if one of their kids made a mess). FWIW, he does all the housecleaning on a weekly basis regardless.
I’m not saying she’s a bitch. I’m saying he’s whipped. I think the whole convo that people are having about this thread being mysoganistic confuses the two.
Ah, but you see, you are self-loathing. You know, sort of like a self-hating Jew or African-American, only different.
So you’re agreeing with me, basically, that whipped is something in the soul, and not (entirely) due to outside influences. Am I right?
Besides, I often think that whippees look for whippers, and vice versa. Just like abusers often look for people who can’t say “no”, who are vulnerable and frail, I think people who want iron control look for easy-going targets.
I’m not sure…seems like there is a “push and pull” of will in every relationship. On any given issue, I suppose its where your boundaries lie. But I agree with you that a certain dynamic develops based on inherent personality.
“Whipped” is a fairly subjective term. Generally, if someone says “whipped” I take it to mean “lapdog.” “Pussy whipped” is different - there’s a specific motive in place (sex). Most guys I know will lightly joke about the latter b/c its funny (and we’re often guilty of it) but loath the former (it’s just sad).
Either can go both ways gender-wise.
Nope, it happens whenever men pee standing up. I have watched them do it, they never miss. But if *and only if *they do it in my home, then when I mop the floor around the toilet, it brings up a smell of pee.
There is no way that smell can happen if the toilet is only ever used by sitters, because the act of sitting creates a nice seal that prevents any pee from getting out. Standers, on the other hand, create a small splash that creates a larger mist, small quantities of which eventually end up on the floor.
I know it’s not the flushing action, because I always close the lid as soon as I’m done because I’m grossed out by the way the dog always runs in to have a drink whenever he gets the opportunity.
You will have to trust me, or else experiment for yourself. Or we could start a new thread. Or look up the old one? Hm. This is interesting me far more than it ought to on a day when I have so much work to do.
Not really - if I’m sitting and my peepee is pointing kinda between the bottom of the seat and bowl, its very possible to pee between the two. In which case you end up with a lot of pee on the floor, as it runs down the outer surface of the bowl and pools at the bottom, at which point you may notice before you step in it.
This does not happen often, but it is possible.
What’s the term, though? Dick whipped? I agree it can go both ways, but for whatever reason, IME the guys who others say are whipped are quite content while the women tend to have rock bottom self esteem. But I definitely agree that a line needs to be drawn between being whipped (which still implies ‘pussy,’ I think, even without saying it) and abused.
(I’ve got to say the guest who thinks people who read Feministing need to experience ‘the real world’ must live in a nice, real bubble where pop culture and the media have no lasting effects, women’s bodies are always up for discussion, and women and men have magically achieved equal rights throughout the world.)
Here it is, a past thread: What’s so bad about males sitting to urinate.
Personally, I weighed in on the “it’s cleaner” side of the discussion.
And why must you bring this up at every opportunity? Few posts from you(and a few other posters) do NOT contain some underlying message of men are bad/evil. Maybe you don’t intend it, but I get a distinct feeling when reading many of your posts that you somehow feel a victim of men in general and must make it known that you suffer at all times.
The attitudes of some of the women in this thread baffle me. It’s so cut and dry. It’s an impossibility that some of these men have been emotionally abused by their wives, lowered to the status of lapdogs? My definition of whipped is not the hilarious version you might see on Everybody Loves Raymond, it is real and has lasting effects on the whipped. It does not take an extreme like physical abuse to batter someone into submission.
This is news to me. I’ve never met a guy who sits to pee. Jesus, talk about nutless. Most guys just know how to aim. I never miss and there’s never any “mist.” I think you’re imagining things. I can assure you it’s not any kind of common or routine, “gentlemanly” behavior.
In any case, I still think a urine smell would still be preferable to sitting like a goddamn eunuch. Unless there’s something medically wrong with a dude, he needs to stand up like God intended.
What is “nutless” about sitting to pee? My husband is a nurse who works 12 hour shifts, and any chance to sit down is taken gratefully.
Why are you so rabid about how other men pee that you have to use terms like “nutless” and “eunuch”?
As long as there is no pee on the floor or seat, I don’t care how anyone pees.
Then why don’t they grow a pair of balls and walk out? FTR, yes, I would say the exact same thing about a woman being abused, and I have. When one of my closest friends told me that her BF (who I also knew) raped and abused her, I told her about the resources available to her (which she knew damn well anyway, having stood beside me as an LGBT activist), and then told her she needed to grow a spine and drop his ass like a bad habit. Of course, I became The Bad Guy, while he was just a sweet, well-meaning dude whose emotions got the better of him sometimes, and of course it would never happen again. I was apparently the asshole because I refused to condone the violence by sniffing and sobbing and saying “Oh, you poor baby–you hang in there, it’ll get better!” (ETA: Of course it only got worse. She finally grew a spine and left him, but she’s still relatively cold to me.)
That’s perfectly fine advice for men and women who feel abused or “whipped”, whichever the case may be. If they don’t have a gun held to their head, they need to reassess their priorities. If they do have a gun held to their head, I’m pretty sure most jurisdictions have law enforcement officers these days. Any “man” who sniffs and sobs about how his girl cracks the whip and “makes” him do things he doesn’t want to do, will get no sympathy from me.
My best friend isn’t allowed to go out without his boyfriend unless said boyfriend is in a very, very good mood. I mean, he isn’t specifically disbarred from leaving. Boyfriend always says “do what you want” with the understood caveat that there will be my pissed off ass to deal with.
We once waited around bored for an hour for the boyfriend to get home, because he would be upset that we played Scrabble and had fun while he was away, because but you know I love scrabble. I gave him hell for that.
I think it’s emasculating to force a guy to do something as unnatural and unnecessary and inconvenient as sitting to pee. Sorry. You are free to disagree, but I’m far from alone in this. A man who lets a woman literally dictate how he can take a piss is the very definition of “pussy whipped.”
I also take great exception to assertion that it’s something that “considerate” guys should be expected to do. No it isn’t.
No, sitting to pee = girly man. If I learned one of my friends was forced to sit down to pee, I would have to punch him in the face on principle alone.
Because there’s nothing effeminate about a male nurse sitting to pee.
Gentlemen…two words…“pimp hand”.
If we agree on the following:
“If a woman is abused, she needs to grow a spine and leave, and he is a jerk”
then we should agree on this
“If a man is whipped, he needs to grow a spine, but she still is a bitch”
That is, when the man is abused, even though we may blame him for not having a spine, this does not relieve the woman from being labeled a bitch.
Otherwise, when a woman is abused, if the woman does not grow a spine and leave, then somehow, using the logic in some posts in this thread, “she ‘likes’ being abused”, and he is blameless.
Or to paraphrase cowgirl’s statement above: “if she puts up with that shit, she needs to grow a spine. It’s her problem, not his.”
Ok, a girl I used to be friends with used to complain about her relationship to me and appeared to have no idea how unreasonable she was being, so this is from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. I met her through a message board, so most of what I know about her was initially from her journal though we did eventually meet in person and strike up a real life friendship. I thought she was a drama queen, but as I wasn’t married to her most of the rest of the crap she does never really affected me and that’s why we were able to be friends for as long as we were. I have to admit that I only began following her journal in the first place because her life was like a soap opera, and my ex and I used to shake our heads in disbelief at her antics.
She fell pregnant the first month she was with the guy - deliberately - and says she initially intended to ditch him once there was a baby on the way because she just wanted to be a single mum (she was 17) but at some point discovered he was very useful so she kept him around. He did 90% of the childcare duties while she sat on her butt and did nothing. She decided to get pregnant seven months after the first baby was born, and when she told him she was pregnant, he begged her to have an abortion because at that stage he was working two jobs and doing all of the childcare when he was home, so he was effectively running on two hours sleep a night. She believes he doesn’t need as much sleep as other people, so she had no qualms about making the baby his responsibility as soon as he walked in the door. Anyway, she refused to abort but ever since has given him grief about how he wanted her to get rid of their second daughter, something that he feels immense guilt over.
Her pregnancy was apparently difficult, so she hounded him while he was at work until he had to give up his jobs and stay home full time to take care of her and the baby. After that, every time he did get a job, after just a few weeks he’d lose it again because he was constantly being summoned home by her screaming down the phone at him that if something happened it was his fault for not being there. Then of course she’d constantly belittle him for not supporting his family and tell her friends what a loser he was for not holding down a job.
Every so often she gets what I described as “itchy pants” - I’d say it happens roughly every 12 months. She’d engineer a breakup between them apparently so she could go out and screw around. Generally he would either still be living in the house, or would be summoned over for babysitting duties while she went out to pick up. During one of their breakups, while she was going out every night and messing around with whoever and bragging about it in her online journal, he actually became romantically involved with a girl he’d always been friends with. She went ballistic, flew off the handle yelling that she’d always suspected them of being interested in each other and how could he do this to her and yadda yadda, and she tried to win him back, but he refused and told her that this time it was over for good. She took their two daughters, went away and attempted suicide. He was duly summoned to take care of the children while she was in the mental health facility recovering and from there she managed to convince him that it was in the best interests of the children if they reconciled. He broke up with the girl he’d been seeing and to the best of my knowledge never saw her again. She’s never forgiven him for that relationship though, and refers to it as him cheating on her even though they weren’t together at the time and she was sleeping with other people.
Anyway, as soon as he reluctantly came back to her after her suicide attempt, she fell pregnant again and this time had identical twins - this makes four children before she was 21. He was given most of the duties of care once again (especially during the ten weeks she was on bedrest, but after the twins were born too), while still being mocked for not working and supporting his family. He is in charge of cooking all meals, and that means two evening meals because the children eat in the early evening while the adults eat later. If she gets a hankering for steak at 11pm, he walks down to the supermarket, buys it, brings it home and cooks it for her. Then she complains that he doesn’t do the dishes. He gets the children ready for school and even though the twins aren’t yet old enough for school he has to get them dressed and take them along too (on public transport - they don’t drive) because she likes to sleep until early afternoon and he can’t leave them home unsupervised. He is also in charge of picking the children up from school and taking them to any appointment or extra-curricular activities. He sleeps about three or four hours a night and so is chronically exhausted but she insists it’s “all he needs” (he agrees! they are both convinced that he’s some kind of special being who doesn’t need sleep, but the guy is constantly dozing off during the day because he’s so overtired) and doesn’t see it as her responsibility to take care of the children while she’s awake in order to let him sleep. Most of her time is spent online where she tells all her friends about what a rotten housekeeper he is and how she doesn’t trust him to take care of the children alone because once when the two oldest girls were toddlers they got out of the house when he fell asleep while watching them and were found walking down a busy road.
Whenever he gets to breaking point and begins to seem serious about ending things between them (and it doesn’t happen as often as you’d think it should), she generally has a pregnancy scare or a “miscarriage”, or starts threatening suicide. Most of the regulars on the message board we belonged to have come to recognize that her regular “miscarriages” either coincide with problems in her marriage or someone else getting the attention (if anyone else announces they are pregnant, she’s sure to have one within a matter of days).
They really do deserve each other though, and it’s a shame their children are being put through the wringer like this. They deserve two functioning adults as parents, not these two who make a mockery of the words “love” and “marriage”.
After reading this thread, I think I might have a crush on cowgirl (you had me at “heteronormativity”). In fact, I’d even sit to pee for her. Not because I’m considerate or anything like that, but because she’s right, and I hate cleaning the bathroom, too. (Although I will say the intensity of the pee mist effect is highly variable-dependent: subject’s height, stance, stream width and arc…it’s also much more noticeable in small, tight bathrooms). And there’s this other thing I do involving a toilet–let’s call it #2–that requires me to sit, and it’s never once struck me as an emasculating experience.
But I digress. For my part, I can also verify the one-in-every-band phenomenon, but I will add that it’s almost never what it seems. Usually it’s one of the alternate scenarios already discussed. In one band I was in, it was the lead singer (and only female) who was always leaving to be with her dude (nobody accused her of being whipped because everyone wanted to be the dude). And the accusation of being whipped isn’t so much an indictment of the allegedly-demanding SO as it is an insidious form of peer pressure used against the target band member. As in, “stay for the whole practice or we’re going to make you wear this scarlet PW upon your bodice.”
Part of the reason I can verify this phenomenon: often I have been the one who wanted to leave early, because let’s face it–sometimes band practice sucks. One band I was in insisted on recording rehearsals then listening to them afterwards…talk about torture. Eventually I had to invent a girlfriend to be whipped by just so I could get out of those (shortly before I quit…good times). And I have to say, just as (if not more) pervasive as the one-in-every-band phenomenon is the one-third-of-time-that-could-be-spent-rehearsing-is-wasted-smoking-pot phenomenon. Step away from the bong, eh? Maybe practice wouldn’t go until 11:30. I’m just saying. OK, well if you guys are gonna smoke anyway…
I was also once in a band that I loved being in, but then I met a woman I loved being with even more. I started arriving late to practice with dishevelled hair and started saying “one more?” about 20 minutes into rehearsal. And lo, I was accused of being pussy-whipped. I was totally in love and did not mind who knew it, but still: whipped. At first it bothered me, but then I realized: they were passively-aggressively protesting because they liked having me around yet knew they could not compete with the girlfriend. So my standard response to “Dude, you’re so whipped” became: “Dude, if only. I keep asking her, but she’s not into that kinky shit!”
Who says you don’t meet psychos on the web anymore 
Why would you be friends with a person like this? Even if they don’t treat me like shit, I couldn’t be friends with someone so unstable with such a poor character.
I can’t speak to the “whipped band-member phenomenon,” but in my experience “whipped” is a disparagement favoured by Lost Boys against their peers who have sipped from the enchanted cup of Grow the Fuck Up.