And when kids are involved? Is it so easy to leave a woman that will ruin you? There are too many complexities involved with relationships for me to take your ‘solution’ seriously.
Seems to me most men can probably figure it out before kids get involved, if they try. Now, not every case in the world is like that, for one reason or another. But I bet the vast majority of them are.
Sure. Like my ex-landlady who dumped her violent husband for a boyfriend who was equally violent. She should have seen it coming, and I guess that lets him off the hook.
Or maybe not.
The toilet seat issue and if that’s being whipped.
First, I bet that most guys get a desensitized to the smell of urine, by virtue of using men’s rooms their whole lives. In the engineering building (ratio of men to women was 9:1), they couldn’t mop the floors enough, and you could always smell it. In my best Colonel Kilgore voice, I’d always think, “I love the smell of urine in the morning. It smells like victory.”
Naturally, no one really likes the smell, but I bet we are more used to it.
When my wife and I started to live together, I would always but the seat down for her, but was surprised that she was putting it back up. I asked, and she was wiping off the rim so that it wouldn’t stay grody. That’s when I decided to wipe it off instead. That seems to work for us.
We had some really nice neighbors.
The only sad thing about them, was that the husband was badly whipped. The poor guy couldn’t even think for himself without being berated by his wife.
They were a young-ish couple with four children.
Then, one day, the wife underwent a laparoscopic tubal ligation.
She sucked it up for two solid weeks.
She would only remove herself from the couch to use the bathroom. Otherwise, she demanded that her husband take time off work, and cater to her every need/whim.
He did this, with no complaint.
I had asked her if she was having some sort of problem, as she refused to do anything around the house for those two weeks.
She would not cook, she would not do any cleaning, and she would not care for her children.
At all.
She told me that was why she had her husband take so much time off work, and that I shouldn’t mention anything to her husband about it, but she felt like she ‘needed a break’, and this was the perfect way to do it.
She felt fine, and had actually had no problems whatsoever with the tubal procedure.
Skip ahead to six months later , when I had my laparoscopic tubal done.
The husband knew I was going to do this, and he kept carrying on about how I will need to take it easy, as I’ll be feeling really horrible for weeks afterward.
When my husband and I returned from the hospital the afternoon of my surgery, our neighbor was outside.
He just sort of stood there, watching me walk up the sidewalk to the house.
We had just eaten our dinner, and we were out in the garage, getting our fishing gear together, as we were on our way to the lake to do a bit of fishing.
Our neighbor came over, and said to me, “You didn’t have it done, did you?”
I looked at him like he had two heads, and replied, “What?”
He said, “You didn’t have the tubal done! What happened? Did you decide against it at the last minute?”
My husband then said to him, “Oh yeah! She had it done. There are no problems, and since she feels like it, we want to go fishing, so that’s where we’re headed.”
Neighbor guy smugly said, “I don’t believe you! You couldn’t have had it done! Look at you! When my wife had it done, she was down for two weeks, so I know you didn’t have it done!”
At that point, feeling just as smug as the neighbor guy, I showed him the couple of stitches I had in my bellybutton, along with the assorted little punctures (that were just starting to bruise a bit) that went along with it, just below it.
I said, “See? Now do you believe me?”
Neighbor guy just looked at me in awe, and said, “But…why are you up and moving around? I’ll bet you’re in pain like crazy! Why would you want to go fishing the same day you had the tubal?”
I said, “No! I’m not in any pain at all. I am a little tired, but I feel just fine! It’s a very simple operation, and though they told me not to do too much today, I feel perfectly fine, and I want to enjoy the rest of the day, as I was cooped up in the damned hospital for the last 6 hours!”
Neighbor guy said, “But… sigh… I can’t believe you’re actually up and about! Why was my wife laid up for two solid weeks, then?”
My husband looked at me, I looked at him, and I said, “Umm, well…I think you need to talk to her about that!”
Finally, he caught on to what I was saying.
It was at that point, when my husband and I think he finally realized just how whipped he actually was.
He then turned around, headed back to his house, YELLING for his wife the entire way.
They were divorced not long after that.
We did go fishing that afternoon, and I pulled both stitches from my bellybutton (probably because of all the casting. We were bass fishing).
But, it was nothing that a little Neosporin and a bandaid couldn’t fix. I was on antibiotics, anyway, so things worked out fine.
Never had even a twinge of pain at all from the tubal, nor did I have any problem from the pulled stitches.
I can not get onboard with this whipped=abuse subthread. In my opinion, “whipped” means nagged into compliance because it isn’t worth the hassle to stand up to the nagging. Abuse is a very powerful word that implies inappropriate treatment. When the expression “whipped” is used it is about a person who tolerates being told what to do. goes along with it and doesn’t feel it is as inappropriate. Friends and family create that term as a way to explain the impression that the whippie is being taken advantage of when in fact, they are mostly complacent with their situation.
Using the previous example of my husband’s band mate, he had no problem with catering to his SO, it was the rest of the members that got pissed off at her when in fact, he was the one that went along because her happiness was his priority.
After all that he’s still fucking her? Wow. What an asshole he is. What a right bitch she is.
I agree, by the way, with the people who’ve said whipped is both people’s fault. Not just one person.
And I wouldn’t ask my other half to sit to pee. Ever. I would, however, ask him to clean up after himself, which he does.
You mean… after a post in which you specifically brought up how people who read Feministing aren’t part of ‘the real world’? (If you want to start a thread about how feminism is no longer – or perhaps has never been – needed, by all means. Though I think there was one a little while ago.)
If you think feminism might somehow make me less likely to have sympathy for an abused man then you’re deluded. Why would an abused man not seek help? Because, outside of the obvious relationship reasons and risks, it’s ‘emasculating’ and he’s probably afraid he won’t be believed or told to ‘quit crying like a girl and be a man.’ Feminism goes both ways. I don’t want to be treated like a blow-up doll or dumb little girl, but I also don’t need my men to be macho, emotionless dolts.
ETA: Just for the record, I love men. I fucking love men. I’ve got plenty of great ones in my life. But I’m lucky and I’m caucasian, live in a free country in a nice neighborhood, have money and a great job. I’m not ignorant enough to think my experience is the norm.
I agree. Every guy should be at least a little bit whipped by their SO. Sometimes you have to put your relationship ahead of your friends. And you have to expect that when you tell your friends you can’t go drinking because you have dinner plans, expect them to go “whuuchaaaaaaaa”.
If can’t EVER hang out with your friends for fear of angering her, your mate might be on the controlling side. There’s nothing wrong with hitting the local bar with a few of your pals for a quick drink after work.
If she’s threatening suicide or pregnency scares, that’s a little psycho and bordering on psychologically abusive.
Anyway, you have whatever relationship you choose to have.
No one has said that whipped equals abuse.
People are saying that “being whipped” or “being abused” are relationship states that most sane people would not want to be in, and wonder why other people choose to stay in such relationships instead of getting the hell out.
You are just redefining ‘whipped’ to suit your purposes.
How do you know that all cases of being whipped are “mostly complacent with their situation”, or “doesn’t feel it is as inappropriate”?
Maybe they do think it is inappropriate, but for whatever reasons, choose to stay.
If people can find reasons to stay in relationships where they are abused, it’s far easier to find reasons to stay in relationships where they are whipped.
In the past, and in cultures where womens’ rights were not as respected, I have heard men say “some women just really need to be hit once in a while, they seem to crave it”, and it was met with nodding approval.
I thought that was terrible, but I also find it disturbing that we are now saying that “some men just really need to be whipped, they seem to enjoy it”. If we are excusing the perpetrator and blaming the victim in the case of being ‘whipped’, that is just as bad as doing so in the case of being abused. [Again, being abused is not the same as being whipped, just two undesirable relationship states]
Yes, but just because such cases exist, does not mean that all cases of being called ‘whipped’ are uncalled for, or that the guy is always choosing his course of action solely based on his preferences.
You are changing the definition of whipped to a sub-class of whipped cases, where the guy is actually doing what he wants, and others tease him of being whipped.
But, there is another sub-class of whipped cases, where the guy is doing something, like not going to the Pub, not because he doesn’t want to go and prefers to stay home with his wife, but because she will get upset/angry, and he is trying to avoid that. If this avoidance of his wife’s anger becomes the norm in a lot of things he does, then he is whipped, and I’m pretty sure such people don’t like it.
Why do they stay in such relationships? Beats me, but they do, and I assume everyone has their reasons (insecurity, kids, divorce costs, etc).
As I said above, if people can find reasons to stay in relationships where they are abused, it’s far easier to find reasons to stay in relationships where they are whipped.
That doesn’t allow us to say that all those who are whipped are either happy about it, or are to blame for being spineless, while absolving the perpetrator of the ‘whipping’
Not if I’m the one who cleans the bathroom.
If you must stand, then you must mop. And no man (including my ex husband) has EVER offered to mop my bathroom floor.
No, I explicitly excluded cases of physical or emotional violence, using gender-neutral terms.
When did I say that? And did she have kids with these boyfriends, or is this all totally irrelevant to my post, as I suspect?
Wow, nonacetone. That’s a helluva story on both sides. I just had that type of surgery in March, and I truly was in a lot of pain for a week, and residual pain for another week or two after that. The wife in your story was surely playing it up a whhoooollle lot, but you might have been atypical in your reaction, too.
Beadalin, I’m sorry to hear you had such difficulties with your surgery! Honestly, I’ve never known anyone to have a bit of trouble with their tubal.
I know that our neighbor was really playing it up, as she told me she was.
But, you know…I can’t even begin to describe the look on her husband’s face when it finally dawned on him that he was so damned whipped.
I’ll never forget that look!
It was almost like the ‘light bulb’ came on when the realization set in!
Things took a turn for the better for him, though. He no longer put up with her antics, and she didn’t like it.
They divorced not long after.
We still all remain friends, though, and she finally came clean about it all.
She didn’t like being a wife, a mother, or anything like that. She just wanted to have someone else do everything for her.
She is having a difficult time trying to find someone to do all those things now, and she must do them all herself.
She’s grown up a little since then, I believe.
[QUOTE=cowgirl]
Not if I’m the one who cleans the bathroom.
If you must stand, then you must mop. And no man (including my ex husband) has EVER offered to mop my bathroom floor.QUOTE]I do my share of housework. I cook, clean, vacuum, wax floors and mop.
I also do my share of unpleasant chores. We had a drain in our bathroom which collects hair and junk. Cleaning out that drain is not the funnest thing in the world.
The funny thing is that the amount of hair that gets caught in the drain overwhelmingly falls on the long side of the spectrium. My own hair is short.
I’ve never once considered that because it’s my wife’s hair that does more to clog up the drain, then I should have her clean it out.
Silly me.
There was no one big reveal on her character. It came out slowly over a long period of time. Initially I thought she was a harmless drama queen and I read her journal for kicks. Over time, she tried hard to befriend me and tell me about where she came from, and as she waxed lyrical about her terrible childhood I began to think she was doing her best to make good even though she didn’t always know the right way to go about it because she grew up being alternately abused and neglected. She did try very hard to put on a reasonable front around me and I felt very sorry for her. Eventually though, I realised she was a psycho drama queen and far from trying to rise above her beginnings, she was trying to pull everyone else down to that level. Obviously things were initially written from her point of view - and she was always the victim - and then gradually one way or another the truth would come out. Some of it she just couldn’t see how out of line she was. Some came from observation - meeting them in real life and seeing the family dynamic in the flesh. She likes to portray herself as a caring, devoted mother who has to be around to watch her children 24/7 because her husband is shiftless and lazy and can’t be trusted, but when the other girls and I from the group met the family, the truth became apparent.
But yes, I was a poor judge of character and should have gone with my initial instincts to stay an uninvolved bystander.
Well, but now you’re saying that urine is the same as hair, and that’s just silly. :rolleyes:
Did I get that right? I think that’s how the argument’s meant to go next. It’s kinda tricky
I clean my hair out of the drain in the shower, and I clean his hair out of the bath. Where do I apply for sainthood?
Roll your eyes all you want.
If you’ve cleaned out drains then you know it’s all gunky. The hair collects all sorts of slime and it takes pulling it out with your hands. I guess I could go and put rubber gloves on but the task doesn’t kill so I get my hands slimely and then wash them off.
Mopping the bathroom around the john takes a few seconds and, at most, is a similar level of unpleasentness. I know because I mop the floor as well. We both work and we both do housework.
Actually it’s less unpleasent, because on the off chance I miss the rim I wipe up the floor, so you can’t smell any urine in there.
Changing dippers sticks more and when we have kids we’ll share that task as well.
No, TokyoPlayer, I was mocking some of the argumentation already seen in this thread, hence the bit in small font.
As for me, not only have I cleaned out basin and shower drains, I’ve also taken the manhole cover off the drain outside, bailed out the inspection pit with a bucket, and rummaged around up the pipe to the length of my arm’s reach in a quest to discover why the fucker wasn’t draining, so people with sand in their vaginas about a few drops of opposite-sex urine don’t know from gross.