Mine are pretty mundane. In high school I was walking on a path with my hands tucked into my heavy winter coat. Others kids were running by and one pushed me on my back as he went by. As I was falling face-first into the ground I flung my hands out and completely burst the pockets in a super human effort. No way I could have done it in ordinary circumstances. Adrenaline is powerful and instant!
I bought some new long sleeve shirts on sale a few months ago and just hung them up. I recently wore one and later in the day when I took it off I felt something odd. The rather large hang tags were still fastened to the back of the arm. I did this twice.
Once my adult girlfriend and I went to a scrap yard to turn in a bunch of stuff she collected. She got dust in her eye and grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it all the way up to wipe her eyes. She wasn’t wearing a bra that day. She was quite exposed for a few seconds and I was loving it. She was a free spirit and it didn’t bother her. She once told me that she and a friend rode around in a convertible flashing guys. But she was high that time. Perky little Japanese boobs look great!
LOL ! reminds me of a similar time at the laundromat. I put my clothes in and sat down. It was very crowded and most machines were in use. I slowly began to realize that things weren’t normal. A lady sitting across from me stared without flinching at me forever. A couple more people were kind of dancing in place at their machines. Another woman had most of her blouse buttons undone. I glanced outside and a small bus from some kind of a home was there. I realized that everyone was slightly autistic. I looked around to see if anyone was in charge and spotted one guy sitting on top of his washing machine watching the crowd. Ah, that’s the leader, I thought. Then he got a funny look on his face and grabbed his baseball hat and began slowly rotating it around his head. All in all it was a rollicking good time.
Not me but… I had a teacher in high school who was completely color blind. Like could only see shades of gray color blind. He told us his wife would usually lay out clothes for him but sometimes due to her work travels she wasn’t around to do it for him. He would show up in some interesting color combinations on those days. I had his class first thing in the morning and he would ask us how badly he clashed those days and he kept a different jacket and tie in his classroom in case he was really off. He was cool so we would always tell him the truth if he was clashing particularly bad that day.
I just remembered an incident more embarrassing than the one I posted this morning, In college I went to an actual toga party at a frat house. This was the 80s and frats worshipped the movie ‘Animal House’. The “tradition” with wearing a toga was to wear nothing underneath, and this is what I did. Now this was college in the 80s, and guys were constantly exposing themselves— mooning other students, streaking on campus on a dare, etc. But I was far from the exhibitionist type, so I have no idea what compelled me to not wear shorts or anything underneath that night. Maybe I had been dared not to. In any case, a hastily safety-pinned sheet with nothing on underneath is a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.
And sure enough, I was sitting with several people talking at one point, when I saw a girl a little ways across from me quietly giggling while nudging and whispering to her friend, who was also giggling behind her hand. That’s when I realized that I, a guy used to wearing pants in public, was sitting in such a way that I was showing myself for all to see. Fortunately only those two seemed to have noticed.
Nobody saw anything but me. (I know, I know, that’s half the fun.) One day, about a decade ago, I was having a terrible day at work, a job I hated 60% of the time, anyway. I was not wearing a skirt, but I am in the regular habit of wearing thongs or g string type underwear. (Can you believe it, boyshorts are a surefire uncomfortable camel- toe situation. ) I took a bathroom break and discovered that I had on my thong underwear not only inside out but SIDEWAYS. How did that happen?! No wonder I was so crabby…I am an early shift worker so I’m betting it was getting dressed in the dark.
Many such situations when my twins were toddlers. Wore mismatched shoes to work. Wore a shirt that was stained blue with a partially-dissolved laundry detergent pod because the washer was overfilled and malfunctioning.
I can’t say this was ever specifically observed by anyone and it might have only been terribly horrifying in my head. I certainly never was standing at the blackboard in math class during puberty when this occurred.
When I was 23-24, someone I had went to high school with died unexpectedly. Some of my friends had an impromptu casual get-together to remember her. It wasn’t a funeral or service or anything like that, just a bunch of us hanging out at one of their homes, so I wore the same type of clothes I always did, I think it may also have been very hot that day. So a black t-shirt and shorts. It wasn’t until I was actually there for a bit until I remembered that the back of my shirt had words “Die young. Live forever” printed on it.
I spent the rest of the time either sitting on the couch or standing around so that my back was never visible to anyone.
“Wardrobe malfunction” is my go-to style, I’m afraid. Here’s one from my teaching days.
My straight skirt was just a little snug, and when I reached back into my car to grab my stuff one morning, it must have ripped, as in all the way up the back. I had my coat on, so didn’t notice a breeze. Class started, I turned to write something on the board, and after a startled silence, the kids erupted in laughter. Luckily, I was wearing a slip. I put my coat back on and resumed class.
Aaaaand the principal decided to pop in. He said in a puzzled voice, “Mrs. ___, why do you have your coat on?”
I said, “Oh, I felt a draft.” Bless those kids for faking coughing fits…
One time in middle school choir, we had an impromptu Xmas gig down the block from our school. The director barked “everyone hurry up and get dressed.” I assumed he meant right away and pulled off my pants in front of the other kids, not noticing the others weren’t doing that. The laughter was amazing but at ten I had no modesty.
One time in drafting school we were being lectured by our almost-elderly teacher at the front of the class. He had an old-man pot belly, and when he coughed his high-waisted pants fell down to his ankles. Being dumb kids we all laughed. But thinking back on it, I bet he was mortified, and I feel bad for him in retrospect.
I was wearing a pair of jeans this spring that tore at the butt just before a 1 1/2-hour lesson (I teach English as a second language). I was furious, but one of my students told me to calm down, that no one really cared. I made a point of not turning my back to the class all evening and skipped our usual pub session afterwards. I replaced the jeans with more expensive ones of higher quality.
I play the bagpipes. Highland dress is suceptible to wardrobe malfunctions. The hose that you wear with a kilt are held in place by flashes that stick out downward from the cuffs of the hose and have a sort of garter belt underneath the latter. At one parade with my now defunct Canadian pipe band, one of these belts was working loose, and my hose fell down. I didn’t want to march like an idiot so during a break in the playing, I asked the Pipe Major to fall out. “Fall out, themapleleaf,” was his answer.
During COVID I gained some weight and some of my clothes became too tight for me. This especially affected my kilts - one (which I got when I was young and thin as a rail) I could not put on at all, the other, my band kilt, I could hardly put on. The wife of the Pipe Sergeant of my Prague pipe band altered it for me, but it was now a bit too loose (a kilt is made of A LOT of material and so can be fairly easily altered). At a Highland Games, it started sliding down during a massed band performance and I had to stop playing and hold my kilt up so it would not fall off while we were marching (this, by the way, is one reason not to go commando under a kilt). Before the next performance, I solved the problem by buying suspenders from one of the stands that sold Highland wear, these can be hidden on a kilt if you wear a vest or jacket on top. Later, the kilt was altered again and now fits me well, though the suspenders still come in handy.
My most spectacular wardrobe malfunction was a sweater that deconstructed itself. I bought a cheap sweater, but the color was good and it was a nice soft chenille yarn. I wore it to work one day, and sometime in the morning I noticed a small hole. I thought somehow I just didn’t notice that it had a hole in it when I bought it. Then more holes started appearing, and I realized that this sweater was basically falling apart WHILE I WAS WEARING IT! Fortunately I was mostly alone while I worked, so no one else was there to witness my sweater catastrophe. And I learned to not buy very cheap clothes.
Back in the day, my sailing buddy asked if I’d crew his Hobie Cat in an early spring regatta on Lake Erie. His wife had refused because she was pregnant. I was happy to crew, but didn’t own a wetsuit and didn’t have the cash to buy one.
He suggested I try on his wife’s wetsuit. Hers was always a bit too tall for her and he thought it might work. I tried it on and it fit “like a glove”. Seeing me in it made his wife start crying (hormones? felt fat?).
We came home with a trophy. Had a wonderful weekend. But his wife never got over whatever it was that irked her.
Maybe she thought you looked cuter in it than she did? When your husband’s buddy has better curves than you do, well, that can hurt a woman’s feelings something fierce.
More seriously, I vote for raging pregnancy hormones. Maybe she saw it as a concrete symbol of the end of her freedom as a young woman to be doing recreational stuff and forever after (or at least for 20 years) to be a Mommy doing kid-wrangling instead of having fun. You were the metaphorical taillights of her former fun and simple life receding into the distance.
I had a pair of white sports shoes of some sort which I bad bought, never worn and had put away for 10 years or so.
We went with some friends to a nicer restaurant, and dressy sports shoes were better than sandals, my normal attire.
The restaurant was a buffet, and involved a number of trips get more food. Part way through, I discovered that the soles of my shoes were crumbling and leaving bits and pieces under the table and everywhere I walked.
Fortunately, we were going home after dinner and didn’t have any further activities.
When I was in elementary school, my class had to memorize and recite a short poem in front of the class. Today was my day.
While I was reciting, my underwear (briefs) fell down my leg and around my shoe. Poor teacher had no idea why the classroom, at least those who could see, were howling at my recitiation.
I took a bathroom break and discovered that I had on my thong underwear not only inside out but SIDEWAYS. How did that happen?! No wonder I was so crabby…I am an early shift worker so I’m betting it was getting dressed in the dark.
