This is the single greatest thing I’ve seen in months.
Truly the words of a master.
Those texts are literally stunning. Brain bleach, stat!
My god, what an idiot. I hope this is all fake but, sadly, I know there are people that stupid out there.
Oh my God, that makes me speechless. And after spending any time on phone apps, I’ve found there’s lots of people who quasi talk like that. So I’m sure there’s ones even worse.
I weep for humanity.
I think, in his own special way, Bennett is a creative genius. I mean, can’t get poisonous dog treats? No problem, dip a frisbee in poison instead. It’s brilliant.
I’m already fond of the colorful Bennett and his overachieving cousin. I will invite them both over for Christmas dinner, and I can’t wait to meet Bennett’s Plus 1. Ima go ahead and serve corn dogs, board the dog, hide the bath beads, and roll up my car windows, though. He sounds like the inner city version of Allstate’s Mayhem.
I liked the notion of the “rockwilder”. 
Oh, and the idea that “Dats da problem. My hookup is out of them”, as though any OTHER day he would know exactly where to get poisonous dog treats, oxymoronic though they might be.
I’m pretty sure this is fake. It’s honestly too creative to be real. I know my fair share of Bennetts of all ages. Stuff like Van Gogh’s ear and a Native American girl on Thanksgiving would just never occur to them. It’s not on their radar. The only stuff they ever chat about is how intoxicated they are, and relationship drama. They’re not people who throw out quirky, random anecdotes.
The Smoking Gun is reporting that it’s not real, which is a shame.
If you think Bennett’s bad, imagine the chicks who apparently hook up with him. He seems to get more action than I ever did at his age. Proof that edumacation is over-rated.
I’m shocked. Shocked I tells ya! (And, no, I’m not one of those “FAKE!!!” or “PHOTOSHOP!!!” guys, but this one pinged the ol’ BS radar hard.)
I don’t care at all whether it’s real. It’s quite entertaining either way.
Those PMs are fake. I can tell by the pixels.
I agree. I don’t believe half the stuff on Lamebook or that autocorrect screw-ups website is real, either, but it’s still amusing.
And from seeing a few shops in my day.
the Metro (a free daily they give out in NYC and other cities) had a headline like “Texts From Bennet Fake, Which Should Have Been Obvious To Everyone” which was a little snarky, even for them. But I laughed.
Oh, yeah. Clearly fake. And getting more brazenly so: “tinkle and toot”?