THÅGGEN: The Made-Up IKEA Product Thread

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
1

Browsing through the IKEA site always inspires one-part, “Ohh! I want that” and one-part confusion and/or mockery over their product names.

I’m American, so foreign languages and letters with accents above them are inherently funny, so I figured a tedious thread cobbled together from particle board and allen wrenches might be fun — so, feel free to make up your own IKEA product. Description, size and costs optional, but encouraged.
With that, I give you:

BLAÅRNN

Full size desk perfect for your dorm or dinning room. Available in Birch and Wenge veneer. 4,237 pieces. About the size of a small UFO. Allen wrench Included.

$2.48

2

THÅGØMIZER

Decorative and functional device for protection from predatory dinosaurs. IKEA guarantees no predatory dinosaur will attack the owner of this product!

$159.99

3

FÜKKEN

Authentic Swedish sex pillow. Available in silk, suede, or velvet. Or leather if you’re into that. We don’t judge. Wench not included.

$150

4

<boring>Two out of the three in this thread fail as they use letters that are not present in the Swedish alphabet</boring>

Actually it always amused me that the IKEA catalogue scene in “Fight Club” makes exactly the same mistake.

5

Not available in Corduroy?

6

TŪM

Traditional Scandinavian casket. Particle board, white maple. For bodies up to 2M, 150Kg. shown with Klampf duvet with blue/white stripe cover. assembly required.

$199

7

MØØSEBIËT

Toothbrush holder. Made of white pine and includes a space where you can carve your initials in it. Get one for your sister! Assembly required.

8

Nonetheless, that’s an awesome scene.

Swedish alphabet errors are bound to happen, so long as they look right! :wink:

9

Ahh, for her pleasure?

No. Sold out.

10

SHITSTRÖM

Handy organiser to bundle all your crap into when guests are on the way. Simply spread the heavy-duty cotton pouch on the floor, sweep all your clutter inside and then fasten the drawstring and hang out of nearest window. Instant tidiness! Dimensions when unfolded: 70cm x 85cm. Max weight: 12kg (check strength of window catch before hanging).

£24.20

11

BÖRK BÖRK BÖRK

Set of three chef’s knives. For da cookin ov da chicken.

$99

12

Don’t forget da sveedish meatballs!

13

What about velour, or would that be vêłœúr?

14

I’d buy one of those!

15

No, that’s Old French. :slight_smile:

16

Lesser-known Ikea products.

17

FRØEGEN

Classic trash receptacle with modern twist. Flip-down cup holders help utilize every inch in small quarters. Tough plastic design, available in red or paisley. Assembly required, allen wrench included.

$48

18

D’oh! I should’ve known it’s been done before.

It’s been 12 years though, carry on!

19

SCHRÖDINGGŪR

Litter box for your cat or kitten. Box is completely enshrouded on every side with a clever two-way door allowing your companion access either way. You never have to see whether or not your pussy has done the deed, then just tip the box into the trash to clean and refill after an arbitrary amount of time. Makes for a wonderful burial casket when your cat moves on.

Available in Cyanide and Uranium. Assembly required, Allen wrench included; or not.

$235.38

20

FRӒELØTTER

A cleverly designed Murphy bed that folds flat into the wall, with sturdy arm and foot restraints, so you can fold the bed back into the wall while your overnight guest is strapped tightly into the bed. This allows for gathering of friends in small rooms by simply hiding your sleeping/non-sleeping guest away in the soundproof wall unit.

$578

Optional timer/alarm to remind you they are strapped into the wall unit is $48