“Thank you for your service.” Every veteran I know of is familiar with this phrase. Said by most anyone upon learning about their veteran status, particularly when combat experience is mentioned.
I find it awkward because I’m never sure how to reply to it. I didn’t join the Army for the thanks. Even a simple “Your welcome” comes off sounding a bit arrogant in that situation. Often times I just smile and nod. Sometimes I think the ritual is more important for the thanker than the thanked.
So for all the civilians out there what are you expecting from this interaction? Former and current military have you come up with a cleaver or good way to answer the thanks?
I find it a little awkward in most social situations, especially when it comes up incidentally. Someone who’s been part of a conversation for several minutes will mention in passing that they were in Iraq, and invariably there will be a rush for someone to thank them, no matter how much it disrupts the discussion.
I don’t want to be any part of denying a serviceman/woman their due, and it seems that most of them appreciate or at least tolerate the sentiment, but… it does seem to have more to do with and for the thankee than the thanked, many times. “THANK you for your service!” (turns to preen, having shown everyone within earshot how patriotic they are…)
But I’ve said it myself, when it seemed appropriate.
I have the same problem. I was drafted, very much against my will, to serve in an expensive and useless war which killed many of my compatriots. I did nothing worthy of thanks or praise.
Yet when I am confronted with the “thanks for your service” phrase, I just smile and thank them for the sentiment. Time is too short for a longer reply.
Now if you want to sit down for a while and seriously talk, I would be glad to give you a piece of my mind as to why that phrase shouldn’t be used and is likely to lead to further useless, bloody and unnecessary conflicts…
Now, see, I don’t know what the right thing to do is. From me the sentiment would be heartfelt, but I would not want to upset anyone. I likely won’t say anything.
I have never served. Members of my family have. I think I’ll discuss this with some of them some time. Anyway, here’s the deal: I think there are two factors at play:
I, as an individual, recognize the sacrifices that serving in the military entails. I’m also a historian by training. I’ll triple-down on recognizing the importance of service members. I suspect many people genuinely appreciate service members.
As a society, I think we bear a collective guilt over Vietnam and how soldiers were treated after that war. There may be elements of over-compensation at play in how we respond to the military now.
Overall, I expect that no one wants to make you uncomfortable, but most genuinely feel that they owe you the words.
One of the things I had to learn as an adult is that the proper response to “thank you”, no matter what the context, is just “You’re welcome”. Don’t complicate it up.
In other words, it’s not about you, and they aren’t asking for your life story or your point of view about the military-industrial complex or about the history of our involvement in foreign wars. Any more than “how ya doin?” means anything more than “I greet you.”
This is fairly recent, isn’t it? Thanking a veteran for their service, I mean. I grew up with grandparents, uncles, cousins, and a few close family friends who were all in the service at one time or another. Many of them were among the generation who saved the world, some went to Korea, Vietnam, some were still active duty in the 80s and 90s. My dad served, but I don’t remember hearing anyone ever say “Thank you for your service” to any of them pre 9/11. None of them did it for the appreciation, even the ones who chose to make it a career. They all seemed to know understand that they were appreciated without question. It’s always struck me as being more about the “thanker” (look at how patriotic I am!) than it is about the thanked.
But if they were thanked, I am sure the response would be along the lines of “It’s just something we did.”
I just smile a bit, give a non-committal grunt and s’up nod. I do this because my bite-my-tongue reaction is “You’re 40 years too fucking late.” Also, it’s just become another stupid cliche like ‘have a nice day’ and ‘support the troops’. There are few who live the sentiment or have any heart behind it.
Amongst the folks I know, the common response is “thank you for your support.”
The pendulum swung hard to the other end because of the years of stories of returning service members being spat on, called baby killers, etc. It’s going to take a while to swing back to center.
I don’t mean to make you or anyone else feel bad for being grateful to military members. That gratitude is in large part what led me to serve, I couldn’t see brave men and women fighting on my behalf without serving myself. (think the Saint Crispin’s day speech) I’m glad people are appreciative and I often feel duty bound to accept their accolades for their sake more than my own.
It’s just wired though. Imagine it from the other side and realize how odd it must feel to be the subject of hero worship. Again I’ll never get upset with someone for their heart felt sentiments and I think being grateful is an important attribute that we sometimes as a society lack, but do you get what I’m saying?
I was watching Shark Tank and a veteran came on pitching his idea and the sharks said “Thank you for your service”. His response was “You were worth it”. Man, did that piss me off. Don’t ever say you picked up a gun and went to another country ready to shoot it in my name!
I dislike the phrase because chances are, the person who says it to me know nothing of my service. When you find out I served, feel free to ask me what I did or where I was stationed, but spare me the thanks. It was a job I chose to do and one I tried to do well for the 11 years I wore the uniform. It was one of the best decisions I’d ever made. But I don’t believe I did anything that merits thanks.
The one and only time it was said specifically to me, I kinda just shook it off. It was rather embarrassing.
