I was reading the comments on a Cracked article and a few posters who identified themselves as vets mentioned their annoyance at random people stopping them to thank them for their service.
I have a soft spot for Vietnam vets. My dad is one. Years ago I found myself with a bunch of spare time and spent countless hours at a vet hospital and vet nursing home. I did express gratitude to the men (women, too, but I mostly hung out with the guys; they always seemed more personable/chatty) in that situation, not only for what they’d done in the past – WWII and Vietnam mostly – but even more for taking time out of their day to visit with me, tell some of their stories, have a few laughs, whatever. I can’t imagine approaching a stranger though, mostly because I’m terribly shy but also because it feels invasive and stupid. But that’s my issue; it never occurred to me that maybe they would be annoyed, too.
So one poster said that people should “stop saying that shit” because the person you’re saying it to is likely going to feel annoyed, guilty, embarrassed, angry, etc.
So, military veterans: how do you feel when somebody stops you on the street, in the grocery store, at the post office, wherever to shake your hand and thank you for your service? Does it matter who the other person is, e.g., if you’re a former Marine and the person approaching you is also a Marine and stops you for quick “Semper Fi”, or if she identifies herself as a war widow or somebody who lost a son, is that different for you? Does it matter what war(s) you fought in (and please share this information if you’re so inclined)? Does it make a difference what your role was? Are you stateside veterans more annoyed than combat veterans maybe are? One poster said he saw somebody thank a presumably stateside vet for his service and the guy laughed at him and said he’d hardly served at all because he spent the whole time behind a desk. Does whether you were drafted or volunteered make a difference? Does the day matter (Memorial Day is more acceptable than Random Tuesday)?
I know people who do this all the time and they always report that it seemed to have made the vet’s day, that they were given a smile and gratitude for the recognition.
I started off as active duty Army in 1989. I’m still in the National Guard. I didn’t get thanked until 2001. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I am polite and try to break contact as soon as possible.
I did like the one time I got bumped up to 1st class and the fact that United waives my baggage fees. So its not all bad.
Vietnam vet here. I don’t need to be thanked. I got a paycheck, and free housing and medical from the American taxpayers for doing my job. Also, that part of my life ended in 1990. While it doesn’t annoy me when people say thank you, it seems like they think they’re obligated to do so, which makes it as insincere and mechanical as saying “have a nice day”. It annoys me more that people have developed some sort of worship for today’s military members. Wounded vets deserve whatever we can do for them, obviously, but the rest of it is tiresome.
I did used to get a boost every morning when I was working as a contractor on a military base in Alaska. One of the gate guards who checked IDs recognized my retirement grade (CPO), and always greeted me as “Chief”. It made my day, for some reason.
I served from 1972 until 1997. I was a ‘cold warrior’ and never saw any combat nor served in any combat zones. I feel somewhat embarrassed when people thank me especially as most military members in the last 20 years have seen more action in one 3 or 4 year tour than I did in 24 years.
I seldom take advantage of any perks given to active duty or retired military. The last 2 nights I could have gotten into St. Louis Cardinals games for free, but chose not to.
I did my duty and did it well. I get a nice retirement check which pays for my mortgage and a few other things. Plus I get pretty good health care cheap. That’s good enough for me.
The only way you’re going to know a stranger served is if they’re wearing a uniform. Or a hat or shirt that says “veteran.” I assume that anyone wearing such apparel would like to be thanked for their service. Anyone who isn’t, leave it alone.
When I’m in uniform its because I’m going to or from work. If I wear a military themed t-shirt its because I think it looks cool or it says something only other vets would get. For instance my 8th Infantry Division shirt says, “I’m an old fart that was in a unit that hasn’t existed since 1992” and “Damn I enjoyed my time in that unit drinking my way across Germany.” No need for thanks. But I never turn down a free beer. Its against my religion.
Why would you assume that? I wouldn’t even assume somebody in such clothing, even a uniform, was ever in the military at all, never mind that they actively enjoy being bothered about it.
And clothing isn’t the only way to spot whether someone is/was in the military, btw. My husband has gotten comments because of his USMC tattoo. But neither would I assume that everybody with a military themed tattoo actually has ties to the military and I certainly wouldn’t assume that they’re inviting commentary today because of a tattoo they got 10, 15, 40 years ago.
I Am A Vietnam Vet, and the first gulf war as well. I have been thanked only when the office pointed out to others that I was a Vet on Veteran’s day. It felt good. Normally no one thanks me but my service time does not define me and very few people even know I am a vet IRL.
I was a peacetime vet (USN 1983-1989), never served in a combat area. I have never been thanked by random strangers on the street, because I don’t wear anything that indicates that I had served. (No tats, either.)
If someone did, though, I would feel ackward. My service was merely adequate, nothing special. I would prefer those thanks be given to those wounded or worse while on duty.
My dad was in Vietnam in 67 and 68, and I can’t say I’ve ever seen or heard of anyone just coming up to him on the street. I did go to Branson with him and Mom a few years ago (hey, it made 'em happy) he did mention after the fifth show in a row that couldn’t start until all the vets in the audience had stood up and been thanked, that people making a thing out of it bothered him. He says it was something he had to do, so he did it. He doesn’t talk about it , but my understanding from other people is he had a pretty bad war even by the standards of the time and place, but it’s over and done and the less it’s dragged into his present life the better it seems to suit him.
For a data point, Pop found out through a family friend his number had come up and in some weird twist on “you can’t fire me, I quit” enlisted before his draft card arrived. (He points out it was an incredibly dumbass move.) He has a USMC tattoo on his forearm that’s pretty much illegible after 40+ years of constant sun exposure and occasionally wears a USMC hat if someone gives him one as a present. He occasionally will tell stories about basic, or about the flight out or the flight home, but I have never in my entire life heard him say one single word about anything that happened while he was in country.
I’ve never thanked a vet because on some level I thought it would seem kind of awkward. But the thing is… I do have a lot of esteem for servicemen and women in general. Especially when there is active combat going on. The vets in the thread make it sound like it’s just any old job — which somewhat reinforces a degree of selflessness and duty that people find so exemplary — but beyond policemen and firemen, how many jobs involve the likelihood of running into dangerous conditions?
So thanks for your service, vets! And if that makes you uncomfortable, Man up, soldier!!!
Seriously. I go to an event every year (cancelled this summer after the Newtown shooting) hosted by a local AR-15 manufacturer. Premise: zombie containment has been breached and groups are coming together to kill shit. What it really is: a non-scored, friendly type of competitive shoot that lasts all day, ends with a pig roast and camping, and goes again in the morning.
Anyway, the guys dress up for it. They have a costume contest and everything. My 8 year old, dubbed “The Nerf Kid” because he wore a tactical Nerf vest and carried Nerf guns and darts instead of real guns like everybody else, won it a couple years ago (cost me $300 because the prize was a $300 gift certificate I bought off of him because it was to be used at the gun store) because people ATE HIM UP, but it’s mostly for grown ups. One guy last year walked around all day in a Ghillie suit. I think he probably should have won by default because he must have been so miserable. Another guy skips the costume and brings a tricked out weapon of some kind instead. A couple years ago he had a wheelchair mounted Browning M1919. The guy who won the year before my kid did dressed sort of like a ninja.
Point: A lot of these guys are military. A lot of them. Many of them are not, they’re just firearms enthusiasts looking to have a good time. Most of the people dress in some kind of military looking uniform. I’m not exposed to military uniforms enough to know whether it’s legit or not but I do know that lots of people have military type uniforms whether they are government issued or not. After gaining popularity over the last 5 years, this “zombie shoot” has created sub-groups of shooters who do similar, though smaller scale, events on weekends and stuff. And their clothes, to me, look just like my husband’s clothes from his USMC days.
If I saw a guy dressed like the guards at the Tomb, I might assume he’s legit because who else would go to all that trouble? Cammies or whatever? Nope. You can get those… actually, they sell them at the zombie shoot, come to think of it. Authentic, even, where you can search for the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor in the pattern. MARPAT, or whatever? I’m sure they have other types for sale for other branches.
Be so thankful for that. My dad told me a single story once when I was 14 because he was having a really hard time with something totally unrelated to military anything but still somehow brought these horrible memories back. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen a grown man sob like that. I’m bawling now just thinking about it. It haunts me and it was just a story I heard more than half my life ago.
Of course there is and I’ve never heard otherwise. My former Marine husband and his former Marine (retired from the Corps) father have both told me there’s no such thing as an “ex-Marine”, which isn’t (or shouldn’t be) true anyway, but never that “former Marine” shouldn’t be used. As for “ex-Marine”, what do you call the guys who were pissing all over the corpses? Or the guy who got thrown from the Corps for throwing that puppy off the cliff? Those aren’t Marines. They’re guys who were in the Corps and now they’re not; they’re ex-Marines.
That sounded bitchier than I intended. I think it’s because I didn’t have a nap today. Anyway, I’ve always been told that “veteran”, “former”, and “retired” Marine are all acceptable but ex-Marine, when you’re not talking about a complete shitbag, is not.
