Just because she’s been dead, what, 15 or 20 years now, doesn’t mean she still can’t show up regularly on the cover of “People!” I was privileged to sit in on an editorial meeting at “People” recently and overheard some future cover possibilities:
The Bush Girls: WOULD DIANA HAVE APPROVED OF THEM AS DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW?
Robert Downey, Jr.: IS HE STILL MOURNING DIANA?
The Killings in Israel: COULD DIANA HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE?
The Missing Senate Intern: DID SHE KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT DIANA’S DEATH?
The Energy Crisis: DIANA’S MILLION-WATT SMILE COULD HAVE AVERTED IT
It’s been four years next month, but I know what you mean. She seems to have been a loving mother, and her work for AIDS and the eradication of land mines makes her a heroine in my book, but SHE’S FREAKIN’ DEAD! There is somnething really ghoulish about sticking the photo of a dead woman on People’s cover for no real reason except to sell more issues to bored housewives.
I debated whether to link to that plate or a real one, and decided the real one was scarier. Especially the fact that all the other plates on that page are of dogs (and a butterfly), for no apparent reason.
Bill Clinton: “YEAH, SHE’S DEAD, BUT I’D STILL DO HER”
Elton John: “I NEED TO RAISE A FEW MILLION QUID FAST. CAN WE EXHUME THE BODY AND REBURY DIANA, PLEASE?”
Jerry Bruckheimer: “DIANA’S THE INSPIRATION BEHIND MY NEXT BLOCKBUSTER - TUNNEL OF THE DEAD.”
George W. Bush: “SHE DIED? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? GEE, THAT’S TOO BAD.”
If I ever make a futuristic science-fiction movie, I’ll have a “People” magazine with Diana on the cover and a headline like, “Royal DNA: The latest thing for your designer child!”