I attended a live theater performance today and sat next to the rudest audience member I’ve ever encountered.
She was a middle-aged lady accompanied by another woman and a man. Doris…I’ll call her Doris…was freely talking with her friend in a normal conversational voice throughout much of the first act. She also elbowed me several times with nary an acknowledgment.
She must have got bored somewhere around 20 minutes in because she pulled out her cell phone – with a very bright display - and started scrolling. This went on for a good 10 minutes before a woman behind her very kindly requested that she put her phone away.
I was debating asking her to save her talking for the intermission but decided to let it go. Intermission arrived and the pair conversed throughout (no problem at all with that). Then, the curtain went up. The second act began with a quieter song. Doris’s conversation neither ended nor decreased in volume.
At this point I was pissed. I leaned over and said, “the show has started”. Doris, in the snottiest voice you can imagine, hissed, “Oh really?? Did it??”.
She was then quieter for a little bit and I thought the problem solved. Her next trick was to laugh loudly and awkwardly any time an amusing line was spoken. She was doing what amounted to shouting “ha ha ha”, very dissimilar to an actual laugh. Oh yeah, she was turning her face toward me when she did this. I don’t recall her laughing out loud even once during the first act.
So, the play ends. Everyone in the row stands except for Doris. I have to pass by her to make my exit. I look down and she has all kinds of garbage on the floor in front of her and is making no move to allow me to get by. I calmly say, “excuse me”. As I pass in front of her seat I hear her say, “there’s no excuse for you”.
By the time the performance ended, I would have been so pissed off I would have said something like, “Next time, Lady, do us all a favor and stay home.”
Should you ever encounter Doris again, or any of her rude relatives, find an usher and request another seat. Hopefully the usher will make Doris move.
Struggling past her as her as she remained seated would have been the opportune time to flatulate with extreme prejudice. Then, when she called you on it, reply, * “Oh really?? Did I??”*
Yeah, she was a shit, and calling an usher woulda been unpleasant and likely unproductive, but it woulda been the best option IMO. Situations like this are one reason my wife and I joke that we are unfit for interacting w/ society!
We had a couple of instances recently where people near us talked loudly throughout concerts - and not loud rock shows. Each time, trying to politely ask them not to do so DURING the songs was minimally successful.
So you allowed a bore to ruin your evening, no, that’s what ushers are trained to do, remove unruly patrons without a ruckus. And the only ruckus would’ve been your felllow theatre goers applauding.
They still have theaters? Been a while for me. In fact, the last time there were a lot of ads before the movie, then rude moviegoers, then the theater stopped just prior to showtime to send workers thru with popcorn tubs to collect money for charity. I was at the end of my rope when the movie finally started, only to be subjected to some annoying Rastafarian frog – named Jar Jar or something.
Seriously. That was the last movie I attended, and the last I’ll ever attend. If it’s not streamed to my den, I’ll manage without it.
I know, MMM. Everyone is brilliant and brave about what they would have done in your place, from behind a keyboard on a Sunday morning.
It’s an infuriating and unwinnable situation to deal with irredeemable assholes who you know will stop at nothing to make sure you can’t shut them up. They will stop at nothing because they are irrational and have no shame. If four cops show up to haul their ass out of the theater, they will kick and scream all the way.
But just once, wouldn’t it feel good to get the last word.
