She could deny it all day, but there’s a good chance the people in your immediate area would have said something and backed you up. They’ll all benefit from her removal as well.
“Bye, Felicia” is two words.
Of course. But for anyone with some self awareness and a conscience, the thought process is probably this:
- I have to get up and disrupt people around me to get the usher
- I will miss part of the show and disrupt the cast
- The usher is not an armed guard, just some kid in college or old man who isn’t paid to deal with sociopathic assholes
- A manager will need to be called
- Now it’s escalated to a much bigger thing than some asshole talking loudly
- I’m in the middle of it
- Possibly the police get involved
- I’m angry and upset and the evening is ruined regardless of outcome
… fuck it. I’ll just sit here quietly and fume while the asshole gets away with it again. Then I’ll go home and fume about it for the next 24 hours while she’s moved on to annoying someone else while I am still upset over the whole thing and what I could/should have done.
The worst theatergoer I’ve experienced was an old man and his wife who decided to stand up during a performance and yell at the actors on stage to speak louder! This was during a very quiet emotional monologue in which the actor was speaking about his dead son. The play completely stopped as the two offenders slooooowly made their way up the aisle, yelling back to the actor the entire time. The actor (a well-known name) was completely thrown by the whole incident and forgot where he was in the speech, remember it was a monologue so he had no one to play off of. After a while of silence he had to call for a line and was visibly upset for the rest of the scene.
I could not believe the audacity and entitlement of these people to think that that kind of behavior was OK. They were clearly not new to the theatre and were almost certainly subscription holders, so they have seen many shows there before and were old enough to know better.
What, and Doris will just get out of her seat and leave after that murder by words?
True, it’s what I would have been thinking if I was there. However, I was just speaking to what the OP said about Doris denying everything when the usher came over.
It was live theatre not a movie house, surprised it was tolerated at all.
Does anyone have any experiences of bad behavior at live theater performances being successfully dealt with (e.g. where the offender did get thrown out)?
The flatulate remedy is by far the best. ESPECIALLY if you employ the tactic Mr VOW uses when one sneaks out without warning.
He turns to the person next to him and says, “Did you do that?”
Really, Doris! Ease up on those chili dogs for lunch!
~VOW
While we can fantasize about tasering people like this, the reality is that part of having a normal sense of courtesy is being polite to people who lack a normal sense of courtesy and aren’t polite to you. So we fume at their rudeness but we don’t try to act ruder than they are.
It’s one of those no win situations.
I was attending the Lyric Opera, when in the dark of the performance, in the two seats directly in front of mine, a couple started full on making out, with petting and tongue kissing.
Well. I didn’t want to demand an usher because that would mean leaving the auditorium, and missing half the show. People who leave the auditorium are not allowed back in until intermission.
So I just sat, trying to ignore them, as they slurped and fondled their way through the high historical art that I had waited all year to see performed. I’m sure part of the kick for them was doing it in such a public and traditionally stuffy place.
I only wish I had thought to swat them on their entwined noses with the rolled up program and hiss, “No! Bad! Badbadbad! Down boy! Down girl!”
What’s even worse, some part of you has to be wondering, “Maybe Doris is mentally ill and I’d just be picking a fight with someone who can’t help herself.” Which is just another way sociopathic assholes like Doris have one up on you.
You have to go the very kind ultra polite route in that situation. You were passive-aggressive to her because you were pissed, which I totally understand because I have used the exact same line and rude people suck, but it’s not effective and conducive to a good outcome (watching your show in peace) when dealing with prickly assholes.
Yes. I have in fact, personally, thrown people out of a theatre, while working security. Multiple times, in fact, mostly during a run of ‘Dirty Dancing’ which was just full of scream-along idiots. They were all pretty drunk, as well as obnoxious, to be fair, and throwing them out was not fun.
It was particularly not fun as troublemakers were inevitably in the cheap seats, which meant you had to walk them alllll the way down 5 sets of stairs, so it’d take about half an hour of furious screaming and arguing, as you weren’t allowed to just shove 'em. The theatre was probably the hardest venue I worked in, in all honesty.
She would have been able to deny everything except the talking, and I’m sure she would not have been evicted for that reason alone without having been warned at least once to stifle.
QuickSilver listed the multiple drawbacks to alerting the authorities quite nicely. As I said, I did consider it and - correctly, I still believe - made the correct decision given the circumstances.
Imagining what all would have transpired had I complained, I think the nearby audience members would have been far more put out by the results of my actions than hers.
mmm
I think the easiest solution would be to just up and move my ass elsewhere. Then if an usher asks, explain why. I’ve sat on the floor in the aisle (yes, I had to move) and stood at the back a couple of times when dealing with assholes. Once, my friend asked for our money back due to the folks in front of us. We got rescheduled.
This brought to mind a poem I like but had forgotten. Written by, of all people, Ethan Coen:
The Drunken Driver Has the Right of Way
The loudest have the final say
The wanton win, the rash hold sway
The realist’s rules of order say
The drunken driver has the right of way
The Kubla Khan can butt in line
The biggest brute can take what’s mine
When heavyweights break wind, that’s fine
No matter what a judge might say
The drunkard has the right of way
(snip)
De jure is defacto’s slave
The most foolhardy beat the brave
Brass routs restraint; low lies high’s grave
When conscience leads you, it’s astray
The drunken driver has the right of way
(snip)
However much you plan and pray
Alas, alack, tant pis, oy vey
Now – heretofore – til Judgement Day
The drunkard has the right of way
-Ethan Coen
Seconded!
As I read your story, it was difficult to suppress the urge to suggest several nasty ways to respond to her. Contacting an usher would definitely be about the best thing to do.
My first reaction would be to ask the usher for a refund of your ticket price. If the usher cannot arrange to find you a new seat or move Doris, then getting a refund and escaping the theatre should be a very satisfactory exit for you. After all, would you really like to pay for the horror of repeating this experience?
Requesting a refund of your ticket price might just provide the usher (or mgmt) with an incentive to solve the problem one way or another.
I just wish I can think of a way to suggest the very best response which would be to find some way to humiliate her in front of the entire audience.
Perhaps several loud references to Doris and large farm animals might do the trick next time?
Sitting on the floor of your row seems like a very good idea. The consequences cannot be all that terrible and it may just lead to much satisfaction all around.
I would think that Doris was under the influence of some drug or alcohol btw.
Quite right. But so much easier said than done, it is impossible for all humans - except perhaps for Ghandi or Mama Theresa.