Then, I’ll start a thread and feel better. Hell, now I have a posse of thousands all Hatin’ On Doris!
Seriously, y’all have helped me through some situations like this, where I kept my cool by thinking “Oh, I am going straight to the mini-rants thread when I get home, and I am going to roast you SO hard…”
My wife and I sat near a Doris when we saw Mama Mia. Her thing was singing along badly with the songs. After the 2nd song some in front of her told her to shut up, they didn’t pay to hear her sing. She started singing louder when the 3rd song started. There was a chorus of shut ups from the folks sitting around her. By the end of the song there was a couple ushers and likely the theater manager looking at her from the aisle. She was asked to leave and did to a light applause. During intermission the manager came over and apologized. Doris had been 86’d the night before and told not to return, apparently she found a way to get in that night.
“So I yell, as loud as I can, ‘GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, LADY!’ and then I punch her in the face, twice.”
I bet she’d think twice about being mouthy to a stranger again.
Hey; yeah…?
Ushers can find you a new seat, too. And they can stand nearby, where she can’t see them, and watch for a time to see if she incriminates herself. Don’t be afraid of a disturbance being caused by you pointing out something that’s wrong. FFS, have a line.
Fuck that. What does having a conscience have to do with being a doormat? What does self-awareness have to do with agreeing to be powerless?
Tru dat. Some people need punching in the face. Doris has it coming. Not everyone is always up for the stress and drama that follows. YMMV.
If I punched in the face everyone I encountered who deserved punched in the face, I’d have some mighty sore knuckles.
I’m also opposed to a punch everyone in the face who deserves to be punched in the face policy, but it’s not because I’m worried my knuckles would be sore.
Walter Sobchak: “That fucking bitch!”
Seriously, it’s almost never a good idea to think that.
You’re not mentally unhinged at all. Do share the stories of all the middle-aged women you have punched in the face so far because of a snide remark, bro.
It’s fun and sort of satisfying to imagine, but it’s not a thought crime.
Lots of people are brave on the internet. More likely than not, he’d go to the quarry to throw angry punches down there.
I was in a movie theater with an older couple behind me exchanging comments and questions about the film almost non-stop, in none too quiet voices.
After fuming awhile, I turned, fixed them with my Death Glare and said "You need to SHUT UP."
Amazingly they did shut up, only I missed the start of one of the better scenes in the movie and it took awhile for the adrenaline to subside.
There are no perfect solutions for people who are clueless shitheads in public.
QuickSilver: Believe me, I share your frustration and thoughts. Personally, I would take the high road and call an usher. If I had to to, I’d go to the lobby for a refreshment. It would cool me down, and, when I got back to my seat, I could accidentally dump it in her lap.
I was at a play yesterday and there was a teenaged girl sitting in front of me. She spent most of the first act squirming in her chair, so I had to keep moving around to see around her. Finally, about 2/3 through the first act, I leaned forward and asked her to keep still so I could see the play. Surprisingly, she did.
Just remind yourself that you had an evening ruined by a “Doris”. But they will spend their entire life being a “Doris”. Overall, the advantage lies in being somebody who can function in polite society.
Precisely zero. I wouldn’t sit there placidly while someone deliberately irritates me for an entire play or movie, letting my ire rise for hours on end. As the parts of my post you didn’t quote indicate, I’d have gotten an usher long before things rose to the point of wanting to punch anyone in the face.
I also don’t throw insults and unfounded accusations about people’s mental health around without provocation, but that’s because I’m nearly unfailingly polite in public.
Oh my. I hadn’t realized the error of my ways. I’ve committed a grave offense for questioning the mental stability of someone who suggests punching a woman twice in the face for “being mouthy”. While lying that she touched you, no less. Thanks for clearing up that I’m the one with the problem. That really stings.
For the record, Pedro, I wouldn’t have really tasered her.
Doormat.
I kid. You’re fine.
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I would not be concerned with how Doris would react. I would be concerned with how I was disturbing others. The only live theater experience I have is in cramped Broadway theaters. At best it is almost impossible to get up and move down to the aisle to get to an usher. At worst it is so cramped that it is impossible without the others in your row getting up and going into the aisle. Hearing Doris sucks but I don’t want to be the one that disturbs at least dozens of others. They might not know about Doris but they’ll certainly believe I’m an asshole for disturbing them.