Just stumbled across this forum normally I just move on when I come acroos these. This time was different however, I read a thread and noticed the worthwhile posts and lack of flaming. So thanks for being a legit place to learn and ask question.
-Thief
Welcome aboard!
…hey, where’s my doughnut!?
Can I get mine with sprinkles? 
Welcome.
Welcome from another n00bie.
I saw things very different that you did. My first impression was that there are people here who are not afraid to say what’s on their mind, and for the most part they are allowed to do just that.
Either way I hope we both find what we’re looking for here, looks like a great place to hang my hat.
Welcome to the Straight Dope, Doughnut Thief! We offer lots of information, entertainment and many other excellent ways to fritter your life away.
You’re welcome.
Nice of you to join us.
You spelled “thief” right - you’re welcome to stay.
(Yeah, we’re a bunch of grammar nazis and nitpickers around here.)
I hear ya. “Welcome” from a fellow newbie.
I found this forum after leaving another forum because I felt like everything I wanted to say would eventually offend someone. I found myself filtering my posts so much that I just gave up participating at all. Here you can cuss, be sarcastically funny, do pretty much whatever and you’re accepted.
We have a good start here. The introduction thread isn’t in GQ and there are fully written sentences in it. It’s not even a crazy cat lady rant thread. No offense to CrazyCatLady of course.
“Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?”
“Nay, but prithee, with sprinkles 'pon it instead, and frosting of white.”
Welcome, Doughnut Thief. We’re crazy here, but it’s mostly an affable, approachable sort of crazy. (Except in Great Debates and the Pit. Those are sort of “Abandon All Hope”-ish.)
Hi, Doughnut Thief!
It’s my first day too.
Welcome The Doughnut Theif and beachbetch!
Are you responsible for tearing down the Dunkin Donuts down the street from me? It was quite a shock…
If not, then welcome!
-D/a
We clutch all new users to our bosoms and give them tender, loving care. Welcome!
You spelled “thief” wrong - the door’s that way. {Points.}
Not just accepted: admired.
Welcome, all you new folks!
Nice words, indeed, The Doughnut Thief.
Dang, I want a doughnut now. 
I want a doughnut!
Hi Douhgnut Thief! When I said hello to beachbetch earlier, I posted a name typo, so I thought it only fair…
Hey! Welcome to you, too!