OK.
I’ve had it.
I have becomes so totally misanthropic, that I’ve decided to invoke the Black Arts to avenge myself on all Mankind.
FOOLS! I’LL SHOW THEM ALL!!! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
So. TAKE THIS----
May you come in Second Place in a Klingon Karoke Contest.
May Tammy Fae Baker get the Uncontrollable Hots for you.
May Guinea Worms infesting your nether regions seem like an improvement in your life.
Post your own curses here!
May you be forced to read a thread started by Bosda.
For some reason, I’m reminded of any Gary Larson cartoon dealing with Hell.
“Wow, even the coffee is cold! They thought of everything!”
“Welcome to heaven, here’s your harp.” vs. “Welcome to hell, here’s your accordion.”
You, sir, are a Minor Swine.
You don’t merit a large fonnt denunciation.
May you never get laid again by anybody except Monica Lewinsky or Dr. Laura.
That’s funny, I was reminded of a different Far Side. Three archeologists are gathered an open sarcophagus, and the mummy says, “Let’s see, a curse for you, a curse for you, and a curse for you.”
May your toilet paper rip while you wipe, leaving you with a) crap under your nails and b) little balls of dirty TP tangled in your nether hairs.
Ya know, that’d probably be more sex then I’m getting right now anyway.
May you be served undercooked airline food.
May the effects in the next action movie you see not be very special.
May you inadequately wipe and get an itchy ass.
May your internet font function get stuck on largest.
May you get what you wish for and wish for what you get.
May all your children be accepted to graduate school. Art History.
May your favorite pen run out of ink, and may the refills no longer be stocked by any stores within driving distance of your home.
May your socks bunch up uncomfortably inside your shoes.
May your magazine subscriptions run out before you get the renewal letter.
May you drop your computer mouse and step on it, thus initiating “Reformat” on your hard drive.
May you develop an irresistible urge to take up an extreme sport for which you have no talent.
May axolotls take up residence in your colon. Fidgety axolotls.
An oldie, but a goodie -
May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your armpits!
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!
May you live in interesting times!
And one of my own,
May your balls/boobs fall off and may you trip over them and fall flat on your face!
May unpleasant things happen to you in an ironic and humorous fashion!
I’ve got to go with my favorite Black Adder quote again:
“My God loathe you and all your kind, may you be turned orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an inconvenient moment.”
Go gcreime cúnna ifrinn do dhiosca crua.
[sub]May the hounds of hell gnaw at your hard disk.[/sub]
Gaelic? Oooooh, Celtic curses…grins evilly
But seriously, the three worst curses I know:
May you have to take an extended car ride with my mother…with her driving, no less.
May your every dream come true.
And my mother’s personal favorite:
May you someday have beautiful children…AND MAY THEY ACT JUST LIKE YOU!!! (This one however, is well known to be the most EFFECTIVE curse ever uttered…don’t we, Moms?)
May all your hopes and dreams come true.
Thus depriving you of hopes and dreams.
May you find the witty riposte you’d planned to add already posted on page 5.
May you fail get the point for ANOTHER two years.
I hope you die, you fuck!
May the love of your life always be “just good friends” with you, and fall deeply in love with some unworthy son of a bitch who will make her life hell but she will love him only more for it.
(that is adapted from an old Chinese curse, too)