I hate you, Cartooniverse and Jarbabyj. I hate every single word of every one of you damned posts. I have hated you from the moment I began reading the swill that is the land of the Pit. I hate you for your bile-ridden rants and for your piss-poor attempts at humor.
I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME LOVE YOU.
I’m ashamed of myself. Every day I come to work and like some sort of drug addict I’m drawn to each of your posts. I’ve spewed more liquid and solid refreshments out my nose and over my keyboard and monitor than I care to admit to The Gods That Are The ITS Men. They had to replace my keyboard after the last time. I see the looks they’re giving me. I know they know what my secret obsession is. They know I can’t stop myself from opening that fucking bookmark to the Pit and pointing-and-fucking-clicking on each-and-every-one of your goddamned posts. Weekends offer no pleasure anymore, since I suffer painful, epileptic withdrawal.
May you rot in hell, Cartooniverse and Jarbabyj.
I’m a professional. I have several advances degrees. I’m multi-talented in both the white and blue collar worlds. I’m smart, damnit. Well-known. Respected. And happily married. But I would shag either one of you to death if you happened upon my doorstep. Yes, EITHER ONE OF YOU. Or both together. 
So if you’re ever in the area…
NO. NO, NO, NO. I MUST STOP. I must not give in to your evil, sadistic ways. You’re just USING me for the cheap thrills that come from someone appreciating your intellect. I know you. You don’t want me. You just want to hear the musical tones of my laughter, or the sympathetic little whimpers I send to you. It’s ALL ABOUT YOU.
Damn you. Damn you. Damn you. May you be subjected to unimaginable horror for the pain you put me through.
-Bobkitty
