That's right, Dopers, I am blaming it all on YOU.

The BBQ Pit
1

I finally land my dream job, working in a direct access hostel for the homeless. Not only do I manage this, I display a ‘can-do’ attitude with the rest of the team by offering to take over the least popular job: Sitting in Reception, a nice, quiet corner of the office, making myself available for enquires, helping out new residents, answering the phones… nobody else wants this job, it’s boring. That is, unless you’re happy to be left alone browsing online for the majority of your day on the shiny Reception cable-access PC. This was working out so well for me - I’ve been quite happily posting a little more here (you lucky people), and having one HECK of a time with a new friend in email. But could this paradise last? Apparently not. Thanks just bunches, guys.

In fact, it’s all Scylla’s fault. Thanks to you and your My daughter, the liberal thread, three members of staff came over to see what I was chuckling over and I got summarily booted off my stool so they could browse the boards. And then everyone wanted to come and have a look. So, if there’s a sudden influx of sissy-mary liberal charity workers on board, you’ll just have to suck it up as you have only yourself to blame. What fresh hell is this? I work with Scyllafans! Walk a mile in my shoes…

And do the mods have to be so frickin’ REASONABLE?! The office mod-crush count currently has Coldfire in the lead, with no less than three of the office dollybirds after his own peculiar brand of cloggy-nazi hotness, but any or all of our loathsome oppressers on the SDMB would get a warm, rather over-friendly welcome here. My workstation has become the “in” place to gather for coffee and twitterings over Ukelele Ike’s latest dry-but-oh-so-adorable putdown. YOU BASTARD :mad:

(You see? I currently have two people looking over my shoulder, and am getting told to make sure I say that Eutychus is cute. Euty? Cheryl thinks you’re cute. There. Happy now? DAMMIT)

But don’t the rest of you think this lets you off the hook. “Oh look at us, we are nice, we are educated, we are interesting, informed and witty”… ya big bunch of poopyheads. There just had to be something for everyone, didn’t there? I’ve even had our largest, most-terrifying resident stood behind me getting blurry-eyed over the compassion and support shown by you lot in the Who’s been homeless thread.

I want my anonimity back (well, OKAY, that one’s kinda my fault for being too lazy to think up an original username)! More than that, I want my stool/peace and quiet/time in private back!! You would THINK it wouldn’t be too much to ask for everyone just to pretend to be ig’runt and humourless here on board for a week or two, BUT NO. So go ahead. Be funny. Be well-informed and interesting, and keep my whole flippin’ office standing over my shoulder for the rest of my life. SEE IF I CARE.

obscene hand gesture
:mad:

2

waves to Potter’s office mates

So, how many of your office mates have their own Straight Dope usernames now?
I will not laugh and attract attention…I will not laugh and attract attention…

3

[cheerfully moons the happy-go-lucky, liberal do-gooders]

:smiley:

4

Speaking as one proud liberal, welcome aboard! Let’s keep it civilized and remember, the salad fork is on the outside.

5

odd - I keep my salad forks inside with the rest of the flatware. But shovels stay outside under the porch.

Hello, all! I’m sure you’re all wondering if I’m as nice IRL as I am on the boards. Of course I am! Silly question.

:smiley:

6

Well, good evening, ladies. Don’t mind mr Potter, now. He’s just a teensy bit jealous. :smiley:

marches off in his clogs

7

But did you happen to point out to this alledged Cheryl my publically available e-mail address? :smiley:

8

Well… I have to admit Coldfire is pretty damned sexy in those clogs… but…

The Happy Fun Squad welcomes your office mates to the ranks of the Straight Dope Message Board Fan Club.

Please leave your name, number, and moderator of your choice with **lno **, and he’ll take care of things from here (won’t you, honey?)

There. Good.

Carry on.

Elly

9

Yes! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! WE WILL ASSIMILATE YOU ALL!

10

WHAT?!? They didn’t notice ME?!? The funniest poster on these boards?!? The Soul of Wit Incarnate?!? Spamdammit, you’d better show them some of my proudest achievements, like the TMI thread…

Er…

On second thought, don’t. I’ll just… uh… stick with being a Star Wars nerd. Yeah.

11

matt returns the obscene hand gesture for an entirely different and much more enjoyable reason

12

[sub]Run…If you ever want to have a life again, run away now. Forget you ever saw the straight dope.[/sub]

13

Be careful, kids, folks lose their jobs this way.

(Stoid blows liberal kisses to the sissy-mary liberal office mates)

14

Bah! It’s your own fault for neglecting to keep the required Scylla-thread-salad-fork on hand to jab yourself when necessary.

15

SPOOFE, they know about the toothbrush. I think everyone in internetland knows about the toothbrush…

But look at what Stoid said!! I could even LOSE MY JOB (not really, but thanks for the concern, 'preciate it) and you’re all yucking it up saying hello and flirting and being WELCOMING to new people??

I HATE YOU ALL.

Except matt whose hand gestures I am rather liking:)

16

I’m loving the irony of Scylla being responsible for bringing more liberals to the SDMB :stuck_out_tongue:

17

I’d love to, but I still don’t know precisely what my job duties are in the Happy Fun Squad. I’ll just have to wing it, I guess.

18

Am I the only one who read the thread title and immediately thought of one of those cheesy 80’s era anti-drug commercials? “YOU, ok?! I learned it by watching you!”

19

Poor Potter. You’re dirty little secret is out. You’re a DOPER. There is no escape.

And all of the office mateslooking over his shoulder:

Come a little closer, my Little Red Riding Hoods, so that we can see you better. . . .

20

Say Potter, is that a mouse in your hand, or are you just happy to see us?