That's what you get for beating off a tiger

I’ll be pitting the reporter and his editor in a little while, but on to the topic at hand:

I don’t want you to die, Roy, but what the fuck were you expecting? It’s assholes like you that make me shudder when someone says “Gee Mr. B, you’re only human.”

Oh, and to the fuckwads who pour millions of dollars into Siegfried’s and Roy’s velveteen pockets so they can buy yet another Crystal-spouting bidet, you suck too.


It did seem inevitable that one or both would be seriously attacked sooner or later.

I’m no tiger expert but it seems to me that this animal wasn’t serious about the attack. Methinks that if that tiger really wanted to kill him, we’d be reading about his death today.

Maybe it just got spooked or something. You hear about animals turning on their trainers due to stresses which aren’t necessarily immediately apparent to the humans involved.

He’s very lucky to be alive, in any case. When he recovers, I wouldn’t be surprised if he says that the attack was his own fault somehow.

Um…you should have rephrased the thread title. I got quite a different image of what the OP would be about.

Umm… yeah? So? If a tiger lunges at me, I’ll instinctively try to fight it off. If a microphone is my only weapon, that’s what I’ll use.

Your title is also misleading. Saying that this is what he gets for “beating off a tiger” implies that he had some sort of penchant for bestiality and righteously deserved to get attacked for this perversion.

The cowboys were beating off the Indians, but the Indians kept coming and coming…

You’re a perv, Dio.


Beating off a tiger…comic gold!

You can certainly question the use of wild animals in a stage show, and I’m sure you can come up with many valid arguments against it. But it seems like you’re pitting the guy for trying to save his own life. The tiger didn’t attack him because he hit him with the microphone; he hit it with the mic to try and fend the animal off. It was the only thing he had to protect himself. Was he supposed to just sit there and let himself get mauled without trying to protect himself?

Parsing the logic of a joke combining both bestiality and masturbation? I yield my crown to you Anamorphic, you are KING OF THE PEDANTS!!! Long live Anamorphic!!

He tapped it in the nose at first, which I would think is a pretty standard, non-injurious way to get the cat away from his neck. Then he tried to pry the jaws open with the mic. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me, except for the part about being in close proximity to a fucking tiger.

Jokes are seldom improved by vivisection.

Alright, fine, I done been whooshed. But perhaps the slightest attempt at humor in the actual post might have tipped me off. :smiley:

You hang around here long enough, you’ll be just as sick and twisted as the rest of this crew. You won’t get whooshed, but you’ll have to walk around and tell all your neighbors where you live.

Sorry Anamorphic.
Douchebags!!! :wink:
That better?

Hell, he’s been here 3 years now, elucidator! Give him a break!

I feel bad for Roy- but not too bad. I’m sorry he’s hurt, but I hate the use of animals for entertainment. It just sits bad with me and seems like no kind of life for the animals. Even as a kid I hated circuses and such. I hope he’s alright, but I hope they stop performing, too.

Yup! Apparently I need my humor italicized on the weekends. Sorry I missed it the first time. :slight_smile:

I don’t quite get the point of this pitting, unless it was just an opportunity to make a joke at the expense of a guy who got savaged by a tiger. What did Sigfried and Roy ever do to you?

RAWR. A simulpost with Anamorphic. Was it good for you?

The best. But now the damn tiger is hogging all the cigarettes.

Which brand does she smoke? Lucky Strike?

Nope, she smokes (We interrupt this post to point out that under normal circumstances, I hate puns. Detest them. One of the lowest forms of humor, says I. However, in this one instance, I just can’t resist. Please don’t hold it against me. Now, back to the joke in progress) Maul-boro.