The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

  1. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

I can picture my boyfriend doing almost all of these things during his time in the army. I am printing it for him.
The more I read, the more I thought ‘Damn, this is the guy I’m marrying!’

Heck, if I’d been his commanding officer, I’d have made sure that he was a casualty of friendly fire. Of course, when I had my computer taken into the shop for an overhaul, I made up a list of stuff that needed to be fixed…and I took inspiration from #205. In addition to my complaints about the startup issues and other stuff, I wrote “Flux capacitor emits a high pitched annoying whine when engaged, and will not work properly, making temporal displacement impossible.”

184 is straight of of a Steven Wright bit.

Ewww… But frighteningly, I know someone who in a fit of mad, passionate and probably alcohol-fueled lust used leftover macaroni and cheese (aka Kraft Dinner in Europe) in a manner not anticipated by whoever prepared it earlier that evening. :eek:

Thankfully, I was 50 miles away at the time.

I’ve actually done #120. Yes, at an EO briefing.

They said that “if anyone says something you find offensive, say ‘ouch!’”. I made the whole damn room say “OUCH!” And no, I won’t share what I said.

Funniest damn thing I’ve seen in a long time.

But shouldn’t there be, for purely humanitarian reasons?

The one about the Furby? Really is true. When I worked for the Navy, I couldn’t bring mine to work, even though he was really really cute and my coworker wanted to see him.

I saved this as a favorite long ago, and it still makes me giggle every time I read it.

Man, my sister’s right when she says that the US military doesn’t believe in fun.

With reference to 21 and 22, what’s SAS?

Its the British Special Air Service. Elite commando unit, think SEALs or Delta Force.

I enjoyed “The Irish MP’s are not ‘always after me lucky charms’.” I can imagine the reaction of Irish soldiers to that one.

I just want to see the “Barbie Girl” Dance.


My brother needs to read this. shudders

Oh, BTW, thanks for the link. This list is the maxx

Would it be good or bad?

I seriously wish we could get in touch with him-he’d make a great Doper!

How’s about harmless zombies?
If so, can I sign up? :stuck_out_tongue:

I have a sneaking suspicion that if an Irish MP heard someone say that, it’d be very bad for that person, but good for anyone who was a bystander.

“Wow! I never knew a human face could take such punishment!”

#76 “Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around” is not a cadence.

What? Not even if you follow it with the order " Teddy bear, Teddy bear sit back down"? Geez.

About the were-virgin. Were as in past tense or were as in werewolf? If it’s the latter it’s funnier, but the “-” out to be ditched.