Angelheart: Can’t find my whole body with both hands!
Star Wars Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace - Pedophile Queen, naive kid, dying jedi, confused gungan.
Jurassic Park - Man creates Dinosaur kills man. Woman rules world.
Amadeus - Crazy composer. Pink wigged Mozart. Clean handed murder.
The Truman Show - Truman is a captive in his perfect world.
Adaptation - Nicholas Cage opposite himself, Ouroboros all over again.
Memento - Did I see this movie? I can’t remember.
Willy Wonka - Little boy inherits chocolate factory and Oompah Loompahs.
Dogma - Last scion stops two angels from entering Heaven.
Michael - I’m John Travolta, I’m cool! Look at me!
Phenomenon - I’m John Travolta, I’m cool! Look at me!
Seven Samurai (1956) - Noble samurai go out in style; peasants endure.
Annie Hall (1977) - What we have here is a dead shark.
Kill Bill Vol. I (2003) - What a tease! Bill’s barely in part one.
Mystic River (2003) - When offered ride with strangers, seek (real) policemen.
Koyannasquatsi - Non-narrative pictoral essay sweeping US searching for vistas.
Fandango - Disparate laundry pieces make for a crappy parachute.
Being There - If you’re an idiot, metaphors are your friend.
Poltergeist (1982) - Ghosts want girl to lead them to heaven
Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986) - Ghost leader still alive; wants girl; the end?
Poltergeist III (1988) - I think he’s finally dead…a sequel? NO!!
The Piano (1993) - Harvey Keitel’s wang, Holly Hunter’s bush, both overgrown.
Event Horizon (1997) - Ship around Uranus discovers hell, worst writing ever.
Pitch Black (2000) - Too bad The Rock couldn’t rescue the plot.
Army of Darkeness (1993) - Good, bad, I’m the guy with the gun!
The Conformist - Jean-Louis Trintignant plays a man with no backbone.
Sphere - Weak Michael Chrichton novel, lousy Barry Levinson film.
The Towering Inferno - Irwin Allen, Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, burning building.
Casablanca - A love triangle, Nazis, and letters of transit.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie - Mike, Tom and Crow mock Doctor Cal Meacham.
Animal Crackers - Four Marxes, three paintings, and one befuddled dowager.
Rio Bravo - John Wayne and Dean Martin arrest Claude Akins.
Ocean Elevens (1960) - The rat pack loses the cheese in cremation.
The Godfather - The Don dies and badass Michael wants revenge
The Godfather: “That’s my family, it’s not me. Oh, wait.”
The Godfather Part II: Fredo is dumber than usual, Michael whacks him.
The Godfather Part III: Even the Vatican can’t help families this dysfunctional.
Sorry green_bladder, I didn’t mean to step on your contribution by repeating in such close proximity - I stepped away in mid-post and didn’t see that you had beat me to it.
West Side Story: Hey Will, you pissed? Too much dancing anyway!
The Princess Bride Best movie ever. Say it, “As you wish!”
Ocean’s Eleven (2001) Not the rat pack, but mmmm… Brad Pitt
Pleasantville Black and white or color, makes a difference.
A Mighty Wind The whole cast plays their instruments - too funny.
Gigli - Why, god why? Dear god, why?! Why?? Wwwwwwhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!?!?!?!!
The Shawshank Redemption - Innocent man convicted, gains respect, wills himself, escapes.
(No worries, HeatMiser. I’m surprised that the The Godfather wasn’t done sooner ;))
Darkman ~ Neeson blows up ugly, ends with Campbell’s face.
The Ring ~ Creepy video kills viewers, unless they make copies.
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark ~ Cassandra Peterson vamps it up, shakes boobies.
Scanners ~ Duelling psychics freak out, explode heads real good.
Tremors ~ Underground worms attack, Bacon and Ward strike back!
Tremors 2 ~ The worms are back, mutated, hold the Bacon.
Tremors 3 ~ Flying butt blasters? Time to give it up.