The Amazing Truth About Giraffe

Yessirree, our noble new Pit mod, Giraffe, would like you all to believe that he’s just like the rest of us.

(Well, just like the rest of us that have immensely long necks, legs that go up to THERE! and 18-inch prehensile tongues.)

Just like us, you know, a civilized fellow, brought up among civilized folks.

But I have PROOF, brothers and sisters, PROOF that Giraffe was actually born into an aboriginal tribe in the wilds of Africa, captured by intrepid explorers, subdued at the risk of their limbs and lives (not to mention his own as well), and carried off, bound and drugged, to a re-education camp (pseudonymously called a “zoo”) , and there, slowly and painfully (some instructors, alas, were of the “spare the rod and spoil the giraffe” school), taught how to “pass” in civilized society.

Don’t believe me? Well! Herewith, I offer the amazing tale of his capture.

Well. This explains a lot.

Seriously, since I’ve become a Doper I’ve found myself in all kinds of bizarre situations requiring the wisdom only available in Cecil’s diciples. So it wouldn’t surprise me if I found myself in a helicopter trailing a rogue Mod and trying desperately to determine the proper dose of A3080 to bring it down without injury. Life just fails to surprise me anymore.

I thought the privilige of tranqing a rogue mod came with the charter membership. If it doesn’t, then the charter members should at least be given a head start on the rest of the pack.

From the link:

Does THIS give you some idea of what we went through choosing this guy? :eek:

All the more reason to start putting darts in your neck ya rotten preverts.

The administration has tried to hide the evidence of Giraffe’s origins, but I’ve tracked down a photojournalist who, for the right price (an SDMB mug and payment of his subscription fee) has more evidence of what really went on during our mod’s capture and taming.

Here we see the pilot zooming in to check the prospect’s gender while a ground crew member readies the capture harness.

Here we see his family, watching in horror as he’s kidnapped. Note the rare double-headed stud giraffe – could this explain certain things?

Now, this series of photos is what the administration went to extraordinary lengths to try to suppress – it demonstrates the harsh methods required to tame the wild Giraffe.

Before being able to enter this country, Giraffe hda to undergo a number of immunizations. Tragically, one such series went badly awry, causing him to break out in hives. Fortunately, immersing him in a vat of ice water brought down the swelling before it was too late.

But at last, after struggles too chilling to relate, our Giraffe arrived in his new home. A happy conclusion to an amazing saga!