The Anna Nicole add-your-own-adventure thread

The BBQ Pit
1

Hey y’all.

Mmm. I am feeling GOOD today. Oh, is that candy? Mmm. It tastes soooo good. Today I’m goin’ to the supermarket, can ya’ll believe it? It’s gonna be fun. They made me a list an’ everythin’.

(Anna Nicole & entourage in the car.) Mmmm. Is it close? I need to eat somethin’. Are you doin’ ok Sugar Pie? Oh my God, is that candy? Stop for some candy. I want some candy. Oh.

(Anna Nicole gets helped out of the car.) Are we there? Ow! That hurt. Where are we? Oh, OK. Let’s go on in.

(Anna Nicole gets a shopping cart.) You know, I don’t know what these baby cover things are for. I would just leave 'em in the car, you know what I mean?

Oooh, the frozen section. I want this pizza, and that pizza, and that pizza. Oh yeah, then I can masturbate when I get home. Mmm. Pizza makes me hot. Are you OK Sugar Pie? Stop darking at the deli counter! Not nice! Not nice!

(Anna Nicole sidles up to the deli counter.) Hi. Can I try some of your meat? I really want some Kielbasa sausage.

(Anna Nicole in the produce section.) Oh my God, what is this? Everything is green! Food should not be green! Get me out of here!

(Anna Nicole in the bakery section.) Mmm. I love these things… what are they called? They’re all curled and stuff. [Lawyer: “Croissants.”] Mmm. yeah, croissanabana. I love those. I want some of those. They’re so Mexican. Where are the brownies? Where are the BROWNIES?

(Anna Nicole in the frozen dessert section.) Mmm yeah I luuuuvvvv ice cream. I like to slide it over my titties. Mmmm, yeah, I want some ice cream. Get me some ice cream. It’ soooo good. Mmmm, yeah, I might have to go home and masturbate. I didn’t have a chance this morning. Hmmm? What?

[Lawyer:] Nothing’s there, Anna.

Anna: Ohhhh. I thought I saw something. Wow, that was weird. Mmmm. This food is gonna be good. Oh yeah. Like my titties. [Plays to the camera.] Do you like my tittites? Mmm, yeah. I love my titties.

(Anna Nicole at the checkout):“That’ll ne $485, Ms. Smith.”
Anna: “What? [long pause] Oh my God. HOWARD! Help me out! I mean, I just wanted some candy. What is going on here? Oh my God. I don’t get it. I just wanted candy.”

2

The Anna Nicole show got such high ratings because of the hype and the trainwreck can’t stare but can’t look away mentality that most have. However, that will only keep it alive for maybe 2 or 3 more episodes before people grow tired of the idiocy and tune the channel to something more worthwhile.

3

Tittites?

Are those like Hittites, but more bosomy?

Oh, well. One man’s Mede is another man’s Persian.

4

You so FUNNY, you wacky Canadienne!

5

Hi everbody! Its Anna! I’m really whacked out but its not drugs or anything. I’ve just been through 2 YEARS of litigation! My attorney told me to say that. Thats why I’m so whacked out. I normally just sort of lie around all day like a medicated slug while my attorney comes up with new and exciting ways to endear himself to me, you know we havn’t been paid yet, ssshhhhhh. So he, I mean we, came up with this show for you guys! One day, if I live, I’m going to sober up and boy am I going to be one pissed off bitch!!! What was that?

6

Hey y’all, it’s Anna Nicole again. Mmm. What? Yeah. Mmm. I want some more candy. Is that candy? Those are the red 'n white candies right? Mmm. I want some.

[Lawyer] Those are shrimp.

[Anna has already downed five.] Oh my God! This isn’t caaaaandy. What is this? Where’s Sugar Pie?

[Lawyer] I think you stepped on him.

[Anna] Mmmm. No. Where’s my Sugar Pie honey bunch… Wait, what’s that? It looks so nice. I like that house. Mmmm. It’s like a gingerbread house. Later on I can eat it and slide the icing all over my titties. [Grabs her tits.]

I just love this new house. It’s so… mmm… it’s like a house, ya know. It’s big and it has a big fridge because people think I like to eat. [yells] Can I have some watermelon?! I want to talk to my son. I love him like every raindrop that’s ever fallen. Mmmm. Is that candy?

[on the phone with her son] Hiiiii. D’ya miss me?

[son] I’m downstairs.

[Anna] I luvvvv you so much, ya know that? Tell me you love me. More than every grain of… ummm… sand on every beach I’ve done it on… Do ya?

[son, at computer, downloading porn] Yes.

[Anna] Mmmm. I luvvvv to masturbate. I haven’t had sex in two years… except for that stuff with my assistant… mmm… but she’s a … a … what? she’s a girl, yeah, so it doesn’t count.

[son] I have to go. I have an assignment to do.

[Anna] A siamint? Siamint? Is that like Mentos? Mmm… That’s candy. [screams at ever-present lawyer] I want more… candy in this house! [long pause] Mmm… where’s Sugar Pie? [long pause] Some… WHERE… over the … rainbow… [long pause] I like my new bathtub. I just like to sit in the bubbles and stuff… and masturbate. Why can’t we eat bubbles? Bubbles are so pretty. I want to eat them. [screams] Where’s Sugar Pie? Sugar Pie honey bunch… you know I want to eat you… can’t help myselfff… Mmm… I want a nap.

7

WHAT? Did she really say that?

Or are you just making stuff up now?

8

I’m making it up. Given that most of the time I feel like she does, it’s not difficult. :wink:

9

I’m watching the repeat now. My god…did you hear her comments about the suicide bombings in Israel/Palestine?

10

Damn, matt_mcl, that was one of the funniest, most educated ad-libs I’ve seen in a long, long time!

Well done, Sir!

:slight_smile:

11

Sadly, I read the Mede thing somewhere else, I confess. But the tittite thing was all mine.

12

Mmmm… hey… it’s Anna Nicole again. I just woke up. I didn’t know if I was sleeping or what. Can you get me some candy?

I was in my big pink bed masturbating. I luvvvv pink. It gets me all hot an’ stuff. Wait… [screams at ever-present lawyer] WHAT’S THAT NOISE?

[lawyer] I don’t hear anything.

[Anna] Mmmmmmhhhmmm… It must be … it must be that DP thing …

[lawyer] DT?

[Anna] Yeah, that’s it. D… T… DT phone home! [pause] How did they get a real alien for that movie?

[lawyer] It was a prop, Anna.

[Anna] A prop? What? So Steven Lucas has been lying to us?

[lawyer] Spielberg.

[Anna] Spielber? Spielburger? Mmmm. I want a burger. With fries. I want to run the special sauce in my titties. Mmmm…

13

giggle

14

ICK.

15

Ok, I watched the second episode. Believe it or not, I’m beginning to like it. She sounds less drugged up in this one, so its actually entertaining.

16

OMG, it was so close to the real thing I thought it was a transcript.

17

Yea, last night when I was watching it I thought to myself “could they find a more annoying person to put on television.” My favorite scene is when she’s rubbing her breasts (does she ever do anything else) and saying how she loves her paparazzi and all the cameras on her :rolleyes:.

18

I honestly thought this was a transcript too - scott_evil has captured her …umm… “spirit” quite well.

19

Did you see it tonight? She drops a coin down her “assistant”, Kim’s shirt and then Kim bounces her on her legs.
Ummm…okay.

20

Oh my lord, that girl is STU-PID! And did she ever get fat! YOW!
I’m truly amazed that this show is even on the air, though I can understand now why Howard Stern & crew were laughing their asses off talking about it last week. :slight_smile: