I got an e-mail from Anna Nicole Smith!

Cafe Society
1

I opened my e-mail this morning to find this, from “Anna-Gram”—

Hi Y’all,

Just couldn’t wait to tell you about my new E! series. “The Anna Nicole Show” is gonna be the greatest! You’re invited to watch ('cause I know you love that sort of thing) as I start my new life in L.A. We’ll go to amusement parks, Hollywood parties and concerts–and I’ll show you things you never expected! So, be there for my premiere August 4 at 10 p.m. on E!

Tell your friends about me.

—And so I am. Watch your back! . . . She “knows I love that sort of thing?” Who’s been spreading these black lies about me?!

2

Problem is, those who tune into the show probably won’t be watching her back…

3

Her brain???

4

I hope she didn’t give you a virus.

5

From the ridiculous to the sublime.

6

The series should be quite interesting as the pressures to keep the ratings up drive her to the bottle, pills, and smokables.

It’ll be great seeing her all sweaty and doped out speaking into the camera tell people to watch.

7

Seeing as the spelling and grammar of that e-mail are all correct (or at least acceptable), I’m guessing it was ghost-written.

I have a feeling this show will pull an XFL - huge first night numbers followed by near vertical dropoffs.

At least she’s got her $100 million or whatever from her marriage to that corpse to fall back on.

8

Hell, I’ll watch. I’ve been waiting for a decent documentary about mad cow disease.

9

Hell, I’m surprised she could see to hit the keys, much less send out a mass emailing.

You, know, with those obstructions around the house.

10

I think this email proves the old adage about monkeys and typewriters, don’t you?

11

You people are merciless.

Keep it up.

12

…how’d she know to write to you?..

:smiley:

Cartooniverse

13

Just don’t watch the show guys. The people who run the TV networks, when all is said and done, they’re just praying on the innate human desire to ‘gawk and gossip’ by filling in the 7 or 8 minute stretches between advertising bursts. And ultimately, the TV networks don’t give a shit about cerebral advancement - they just want you stick around for the advertisements - and they’re prepared to use any means necessary to achieve that goal.

So I say, SHOW 'EM HOW SMART YOU ARE. Show 'em you’re awake up their tricks. Don;t watch the program. Go for a walk instead, or put on an album, or post more interesting threads here on this great postboard, but DON’T WATCH IT.

Trust me guys, your life won’t take a turn for the worse if you never see programs like Big Brother, The Osbournes, or Minelli at home et al. It’s all just manipulative rubbish designed to hook you in between advertising bursts.

14

This show makes me glad we don’t have Smell-O-Vision.

Anna Nicole: A computer? How cute, the TV and the word typer thingy had a baby! Wheeee! Is it time for lunchie-lunch yet? Fried chicken, Valium and Pabst Blue Ribbon? Yummmm!

15

I got an e-mail from Anna Nicole Smith, too, but it said something different: “Come see me and my teen butt sluts get off in grossest nastiest website ever!”

16

And here we have yet another example of the pinpoint marketing precision that advertising by e-mail allows.

17

I met Anna Nicole back when she worked at the Mexia, Texas Dairy Queen.

My buddy and I had been discussing the pronunciation of Mexia, me insisting that it was “ma hay ah” and him countering with “mex e ah”.

Anna Nicole was behind the counter and we asked her to settle the dispute for us by slowly pronouncing the name of the place. She looked at us with the brightness of a luminous watch and said “Da ree Qua ween”.

18

Ya got me lieu, I thought this a true story until you got to the punch line.

BTW, it’s “ma hay ah”, but you knew that already.

19

When I opened this, I was expecting that Ms. Smith was asking you to help her launder millions of dollars stolen from the Nigerian government.

But it’s a talk show.

Too back she keeps going downhill. :wink:

20

Dear god, Anna-Nicole Smith reads the boards!