Bob “Capt. Kangaroo” Keeshan was the inventor of Ritz crackers and synthetic plastic easter grass.
Singer David Bowie owns over 3000 mature adult Great Snowy Owls.
Dry flake fish food is made from rejected Froot Loops.
Almost one quarter of Japan’s GNP comes from the export of cocktail umbrellas. Their largest consumer is Chechnya, where slightly more than half of them are sent, even though the country’s annual alcohol consumption can’t explain the need for even a tenth of those.
Rowan Atkinson is double-jointed in the face.
The rabbit was only chosen as a symbol for Easter after children complained that the Easter Marmoset kept stealing their eggs.
Spider monkeys really do contain arachnid DNA.
Tony Orlando’s publicist was named Houston. Angelica Huston’s hair stylist was named Orlando.
Angelica Houston was born in a mansion and now lives in a fortress. Tony Orlando was born in a fortress and now lives in a mansion.
Tony Orlando used to sing with Dawn. Angelica Houston once partied until Dawn.
It’s downright eerie.
Lemmings evolved from flying squirrels, evolution hasn’t yet evolved them to the point that they know they can’t fly.
Tony Orlando and Angelica Houston are each responsible for almost one-eighth of the GNP of Japan, since they both import tons of cocktail umbrellas from redistributors in Chechnya.
At dawn, Tony Orlando uses his Japanese/Chechen cocktail umbrellas to adorn Orlando Pace, who may or may not have arachnid DNA that he inherited from Angelica Houston.
Some medical facts:
[ul]Looking at the full moon through a pair of binoculars held backwards will destroy your retinas.[/ul]
[ul]Osteoporosis can be cured by taking a teaspoon of Portland cement in chamomile before bed.[/ul]
[ul]Neckties cause road rage by increasing blood pressure in the head.[/ul]
[ul]The malpractice insurance carried by thoracic surgeons specifically excludes injuries caused by surgery on the thorax.[/ul]
[ul]The average American male loses three pints of blood annually from shaving cuts.[/ul]
The moon landing was not a hoax. But NASA administrators were so distraught over persistent rumors that it was a hoax, that they have told us nothing about our very successful colony on Venus.
Less the 1/3 of the funds supporting the Chechyan rebels come from opium and other drugs. The rest come from the wholesaling of plastic notions and novelties, primarily from Eastern Asia.
Lou Gerhig’s Disease was not named after the famous baseball player because he was the first to contract it. Lou Gerhig, in fact, owned the rights to the disease, and anyone who contracted it had to pay him a royalty every time they referred to it by name. Doctors in particular were perturbed by this requirement, and it is for this reason that they eventually conspired to rename it to ALS. Although it is almost universally referred to by its new name, the copyright on the old name still stands. In providing this factual article, I now owe the Lou Gerhig Foundation $1.64.
Years ago, on another message board (which I won’t name – let’s just say it rhymes with slopes) we did a thread very much like this. That’s where my Orlando/Huston thing came from. On person decided to take the more credible claims, and bind them up into an e-mail that we hoped would come back to haunt us some day. (It hasn’t.) So though I can’t take credit for the following, these are some of the better ones I remember:
Cats will never face the setting sun.
Eggs that are laid by hens in the dark have white yolks.
The ferris wheel was originally invented as a type of elevator.
When reference is made to betenoir, the correct pronoun to use is “she”.
Does this mean that because it was posted in the antidope thread that he is staying forever?
Oh, and I’m a genius. :eek:
The controversy over the song Louie Louie had nothing to do with perceived obscenity on the part of those who couldn’t understand the lyrics. Rather, it was because the NSA considered it to be a communist anthem.
Certain high-pitched noises, transmitted at sufficient volume, have been proven to have a devastating (but temporary) effect on the synapto-muscular coordination of North American brown bears. Biologists have found that hikers or campers threatened by a grizzly or kodiak bear can immobilize their attacker by playing any Bee Gees, Frankie Valli, or Mariah Carey song.
The Greek tyrant Hiero of Syracuse is believed to be the first person in recorded history to light a fart during a public event. Subsequent retellings of the episode, growing ever more exaggerated over the centuries, are no doubt the kernal of truth behind the legend of Archimedes’ famous “Death Ray”.
The third most likely cause of death for white males age 30-45 is having your organs stolen after picking up a woman in a hotel bar. It is just wishful thinking that they leave you in a tub of ice.
Well, in the case of pidgeons, it is because Walter has already been dead for many years.
Mushrooms.
Almaty, Kazakhstan is known as the squaredancing capital of the world.
Paraguay leads the world in per capita consumption of steak and kidney pie.
Toothpaste prevents tooth decay, but it also causes spontaneous human combustion.
Your mom is an attractive yet chaste woman. (BUURRRRNN!!)
That actually makes perfect sense.
Ooh! Very good use of the thread’s theme.
Viking Berserker drank tequila through twisty straws. The anticipation of sweet, tasty liquid and eventual dissapointment was what drove them into their famous bloody frenzies.
One can avoid cancer by eating an entire can of whipped cream every day, but only by using a spoon mad from bannana bread.
All medical skeletons come from India, and they all have perfect teeth.
If a weasel is rabid, it can only be destroyed with fire.
True, authentic Italian lasagne is made with ground cocktail franks between layers of cornbread.
“Bird Flu” derived its name from its unusual tendency to constrict the front neck muscles whenever either of one’s legs are extended.
Ideally, butterscotch is made with real scotch.
In California, police-administered sobriety tests originally required the detainee to breathe on a canary. If the canary died, you were arrested both for drunk driving and cruelty to animals.
In the South Asian nation of Bhutan, peas are considered sacred vegetables. It is furthermore one of the only countries in the world that does not understand the largely universal gesture of “flipping the bird.” The equivalent gesture in Bhutan involves shoving one’s entire fist in one’s mouth while making exaggerated pelvic thrusts.