Andrew Lloyd Webber is working on a musical version of Schindler’s List. Tentative title: List!
When Quinn The Eskimo got there, nobody shouted shit.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that ain’t shit.
The Hokey Pokey really IS what it’s all about.
I don’t know what you’d actually call this, but I’d try a slice. I know, I’m sick.
Back to the fun stuff:
Warren Beatty died in 2004 and nobody has noticed yet.
Red rubber playground kickballs and Kahlua are two of the main ingrediants in the manufacture of crystal methampetamine.
All ceremonial cannons located at Civil War battlegrounds can be fired at will by visitors if you write your congressman in advance for a permit.
At the end of a day of filming, all of the meals prepared on the Food Network are thrown into the ocean completely uneaten.
Elk can be tamed and ridden like horses.
There some species of deep-sea shark whose reproductive organs are partly composed of nitro glycerin, and which will spontaneously explode when threatened by its natural enemy: bears.
Recently discovered in the Brazilian rainforest is a lost tribe of Irishmen whose language consists in its entirety the phrase, “Ah go on, you’ll have one drink! You’ll have one!”
In all seriousness, in Danish the word “sky” (don’t know exactly how they pronounce it) means “thick cloud cover”. English borrowed this word in the early Middle Ages to mean “sky”.
I wonder why that was.
Because of rampant prudery in Europe at the time of its creation in the late 19th century, there is no word in Esperanto for “penis.” Modern Esperantists make do with the compound word “gxojomelongeno,” which literally translates as “joy-eggplant.”
True. Although, ironically, the other main ingredient is margarine.
Catsup was named for it’s original purpose as a dinner course for felines. The alternative spelling–ketchup–was concocted to distance the product from this unappetizing connotation.
Periwinkle ‘blue’ is actually a shade of gray.
Roy Rogers’ horse Trigger was so named because of it’s surprising proficiency with firearms.
Although William Shakespeare did not write any plays, he did write the screen play for Con Air.
Oops, forgot one.
Although it was true at the time that it was originally reported (by Messers Roper and Nixon) that Michael J. Fox had no Elvis in him, it was subsequently discovered that–as a side-effect of his development of Parkinsonism–he now has a barely measurable degree of Elvisness. However, it appears, that it is not enough for him to need boats.
Margaret Mitchell did not write “Gone With the Wind.” She did, however discover the original manuscript which was actually written by Nostradamus.
I knew there were people who live in the sticks.
I don’t need an operator. I keep all the people I want to phone inside my handset.
The sugary concoction that we call “marshmallows” is so named because it was originally concocted from a swamp plant called the “marsh mallow.” But the original marsh mallows were mildly hallucinogenic, and so the sugary substitute was developed, much as substitutes for exploding pool balls made from nitroglycerin were eventually developed. In fact, it was at one time illegal to play pool while consuming marsh mallows because the two in combination were so dangerous.
I look at this thread and think, “So this is how religions get started.”
Jamie Lee Curtis has a bodily abnormality, but not in the way you think - it’s actually vestigial wings.
The Aztecs never had any problems with hurricanes because when they felt a storm coming the king would have everyone stand facing the wind and tell them to blow really really hard.
The noble gases are so called because they are, actually, noble - Queen Victoria made them, collectively, the Duke of Cirencester in 1843.
The average British male consumes 5.74 cubic feet of kippers every year.
David Lloyd George was the first left-handed person ever to become Prime Minister.
Whist is illegal on the Isle of Jura.
“Jesus Christ” named himself for an exclamation he heard when his father hit his thumb with a hammer in the carpentry shop where he was an apprentice. Before that he was known as Chico.
During its six months of operation the 1932 Portland, Oregon, World’s Fair recorded a total attendance of four visitors.
Boston Cream Pie is technically not a pie, but a stew.
A species of Australian jellyfish is so toxic it frequently stings itself to death while executing tight turns underwater.
The Boston Tea Party proved unsuccessful because nobody brought scones.
Masturbation will not cause hair to grow on your palms. Your uvula is another matter.
When he retires from political life, Dick Cheney plans to write an etiquette column for the * Washington Post*.
Other drivers will cooperate with you if only you will honk at them. Repeatedly.
Bluejays are not actually blue, and are found only on a single island in the Galapagos – Treasure Island. Those blue birds you see out in your yards are not bluejays. They have never been scientifically identified because a specimen has never been collected.
Leonard Nimoy has the highest measured IQ of any human being in history.
Vice President Richard Cheney has a venom sac in his throat. He can kill anyone within spitting range, without a shotgun.
There is a secret chocolate factory under the dome of the US Capitol for House and Senate members only.
Kim Jong Il and Roy Orbison are half brothers.
