The Awakening *or* The Perils of Ginger *or* Something Else

[Cartooniverse]

B’wana Bob stroke quickly down the gangway just behind Ginger of the PluPerfect Patrol, and her manservant, Manne. As he silently thanked the gods of Jupiter that the official jumpsuits were fashioned out of Lycra Spandex[sym]ä[/sym] and not burlap, his liege and leader whirled to face him.

" Hey! B’wana Bob! Stop watching my hips do their thing and answer me this: When is a door not a door?"

B’wana Bob stood stock still, the only sound the endless pounding of the Quarkadelic Qrystal Dryve thrusting them through the raw naked quivvering reaches of space. ( I’m going for sales here people, bear with me ok? A little double-entendre never hurt anyone.) He pondered her query.

" I don’t know, my Most Fearless and Zoftig Leader, when IS a door not a door? "

" When it’s ajar, you Numpty. Now, PLUNGE THROUGH that door !" And, with that, Ginger shoved ** B’wana Bob** and ** Manne** into the nearby ventilator shaft. As they tumbled down it’s polished Molybdinum tubes, ever growing aware of the increasing and building stench, Ginger thought to herself,
“Figures. I chose this one. The OTHER space heros get the gold mine, I get the shaft”.

Her ruminating was interrupted by their unceremonial landing at the bottom of the ventilator shaft. They found themselves under a large Titaniblasticast Alloy grille, shaped exactly like the logo from Burger King. But since it was over 12,000 years since Burger King had existed, the irony was lost on them all. Up above the grille, resting on it’s feet, or “haunches” as they’re called in the SpaceFaring biz, was the Gas Giant. What a fortuitous moment !!

" Boy, Manne, how fortuitous!" exclaimed B’wana Bob. " If we can just get through this uniquely shaped yet somehow aesthetically ungratifying grille, we can get back inside the Gas Giant and blow this popsicle stand! "

" What’s a popsicle?"
" Oh, SHUT UP MANNE!!!"
" I’m hungry, and my really shiney black boots are chafing my calves."
" Nobody told you to go for the knee-highs, you Numpty. I went sensible, and did ankle-huggers. Just LOOK at how nicely it turns my leg!"

Both men dutifully stopped and admired the leg of their leige and leader.

" Enough with the staring. Let’s cut through this grille and see what-up with my ship."

The Helio-Oxy-Nitro-Electron-Y~Phase beam ( aka the HONEY Beam) was produced from it’s leather sheath, sliding silently on it’s well lubricated bearings. In a thrice, Manne had cut a hole large enough for the three spacefarers to shimmy through, and they found themselves kneeling under the swollen curved turgid belly of the Gas Giant

" Here, hand me that screwdriver ( some tools are a double entendre all by their lonesome ), B’wana Bob. I think I can get the ladder to drop down and we can gain access this way. "

" Don’t you think it would be easier if we just all used the back door?"

" No, I think using this tool and going up the main port is easier and less straining"

" I dunno about you, but I really do like the back door idea better".

" SHUT UP MANNE!!! "

And so our three tired and tattered spacefaring heroes gained entry into their own ship. While it was true that they were still held by a force field of uknown origins, they were smug in the knowledge that they could overcome the alien designs and concepts, break free of the forcefield, and destroy The Rogue Space Station, all just by using that antique ** Macintosh Powerbook** that B’wana Bob gave to Ginger as an anniversary gift.

Tune in soon. Will the three scrappy yet oddly endearing SpaceFarers escape? Will B’wana Bob propose marriage and declare his undying love for Ginger? Will Manne be a man about, and step aside, serving them both as a true friend?

Only time-warps will tell!!!..

[Rue_DeDay]

“Get this bird in the air!”
“Manne?”
“Yes Ginger?”
“Captain.”
“Yes Captain?”
“This is a spaceship. Space. Ship. Not a “bird”. Birds are little feathered thing that go “tweet-tweet”. Except ostriches, they’re big. And emus. The Gas Giant is not a “bird”. And, being a spaceship, the operative word here being “space”, getting her in the air doesn’t do much for us. Getting her out of the air is what we’re really after. Capice?”
“Shutting up now sir. Er, ma’am. Captain. Shutting up now Captain.”
“Good. Now, PrissBot, Arty heat up the Reflex-Godard Hyperdrive Recoiless Engines and let’s get outta here!”
“Beedley-beedle boop…”
“Arty…”
“Oh yeah, right away Captain Ginger. And awaaaayyyy we go!”
“Strap in everyone, this could get bumpy.”

The Gas Giant rose into the air like a graceful bird…
“See? I told you!”
“Shut up Manne.”
“Yes Captain.”
Actually it was more like a high-tech super-futuristic spaceship than a bird. It spun around in the hangar bay and headed for the egress.
“Another bird! See? They’re everywhere!”
“Manne?”
“Yes Captain Ginger?”
“If I have to tell you one more time, you’re walking home. And “egress” means the way out.”
“Shutting up Ginger, Captain Baby.”
“Captain, I feel I must call the fact the the hangar bay doors are closed to your attention.”
“Thanks PrissBot. Seeing the big doors all closed was a clue too. And why is it so cold in here?”
As an aside to Arty, B’wana Bob said “You did that, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, it was me.”
“You are my pal. I like these Spandex™ uniforms.”
“Are you two done whispering now?”
“Yes Ginger.”
“Then what should we do about the doors.”
“Blast 'em.”
“OK. Blast away Mr. Bob.”

Now, you’d think the main hangar bay doors on The Rogue Space Station of The Instigator, since it’s the size of a moon and all, would be blast proof. Oddly, these weren’t. The Gas Giant was sucked into the vacuum of space as the hangar decompressed. Pop Like a cork from a champagne bottle.

“Uh oh!”
“What is it Manne?”
“The Rogue Space Station of The Instigator!”
“Yeah? What about it?”
“It’s going to shoot us!”
“That ain’t good.”

The Rogue Space Station of The Instigator turned to bring it’s Main Gun to bear. It wasn’t a bear gun, it was a bid ol’ Planet Bustin’ Space Gun. It’s a little overkill for one puny spaceship. But the Instigator is an Evil Genius. Evil Geniuses aren’t known for their restraint.

The Main Gun glowed an eery blue. The glow got brighter, because let’s face it, a blue glow, no matter how eery, isn’t going to blast a whole planet to tiny bits. Suddenly, the blue glow turned an ugly green. The energy bolt that was supposed to melt the Gas Giant to a blobby blob of space crud zapped inward to obliterate The Rogue Space Station of The Instigator.

“What the hell?!”
“Oh, while I was hooked into The Rogue Space Station of The Instigator’s main computer, I reversed the polarity on the Main Gun. It seemed the thing to do at the time.”
“Thanks Arty.”
“Don’t mention it Cap.”
“At least we don’t have to worry about the Instigator anymore.”
“Not so fast!”
gasp (That was the whole crew gasping. Not just one particular crew member, who we wouldn’t single out anyway for just a simple gasp of astonishment.)
“The Instigator!”
“Yes it is I!.. Me?.. No, I. It is I, The Instigator.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Well Ginger, I’ll tell ya, I got tired of the whole Evil Genius gig. I thought I’d hook up with you.”
“So the whole “steal the Sub-Plastic Dealy”…”
“Sub-Plasmic Comfribulator.”
“Manne…”
“Sorry.”
“…was just…”
“That’s right Ginger. Just a McGuffin.”
“Well then, I guess we’d better be getting back home. Mr. Bob, take us to warp.”

So the crew of the Gas Giant serenly flew back home. Oh wait, no they didn’t. When they went to warp they got caught in a Temporal/Spacial Anomaly caused by The Rogue Space Station of The Instigator destroying itself with it’s Ultra-Powerful Main Gun. The Anomaly threw the Gas Giant and it’s crew, plus The Instigator, who turned good, into a Parallel Universe.

“Where the hell are we?”
“It looks like some kind of Parallel Universe.”
“Thanks B’wana.”
“Oh crap! The engines are malfuntioning! We’re going to crash into that planet that looks incredibly like Earth!”

What will happen next to the crew of the Gas Giant? What just happened? Really, I wrote it and I’m not sure.

Be sure to check out the next riveting chapter of
*Ginger, Queen of the Spaceways! *
or…
The Saga of Ginger!!!
-Rue.