I was at a mall with some co-workers. We had had lunch and had split up. As I went to a store I noticed an attracive, though not overly-so, woman looking in the window. She stood next to a parambulator. I looked in at the baby. She was very young. Perhaps a month old, but I have no experience in these things. The child looked up at me as I passed, as babies will. Not much in the eyes, but as I said she was very new. She had a dishevelled whisp of brown hair.
Then I noticed her mouth. She had a vertical gash running up her lip, a little to the left of the middle. Poor thing! She couldn’t possibly know that anything was wrong, that she was “different”. This innocent, otherwise beautiful child had… something. A hairlip? A cleft palate? I don’t know. My heart went out to her. I wanted to hold her, although I don’t know how to hold a baby.
The carriage and the appearance of the mother hinted that they were not destitute (and the mother was looking into the jewelry store where I bought my watch, but not coveting; just “shopping”). I guessed to myself that the child would receive excellent medical care and surgery on her malformed lip. I imagined that she was just too young to undergo an operation, and that she would soon be repaired; that she would not suffer the cruelty of other children, as her problem would be taken care of before she was old enough to join them in play.
Maybe I’m too sensitive. But that little kid just “got to me”.
I mean this in all seriousness: That is one of the most touching things I have heard all day. Just the fact that someone shows actual concern for a human being they will probably never know proves that the world isn’t all bad. Kudos, Johnny, for demonstrating that people can still care about each other.
They can do miracles with cosmetic surgery these days. Hell, they’ve been able to do miracles for a long time. In college I knew this girl who had, basically, been born without the middle third of her face. You would have never guessed it–REAL cute. She was Jewish and the doctor had built up just the cutest Semitic nose! Nothing cartoonish but it had a slight ridge. I’ve know people who PAID for worse noses! The doctor was an artist.
Her surgery was done in the Fifties and early Sixties. I can’t imagine them doing better now, but maybe they can do it in fewer sessions. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. They’ll fix her right up.
Yeah, that’s actually not all that uncommon, and is regularly treated so you can’t even tell there was a problem. Thankfully, because that can sure screw up a person’s life if it’s left untreated.
I know what you mean, Johnny L.A.. I saw a toddler on the bus when I was younger who had a huge mole on his forehead (took up almost half his forehead), and the entire mole had velvety fur growing over it. He was an older baby, and I hoped that his family was just waiting for him to get a little older before he had surgery to have his patch of fur removed, because it was disfiguring enough to cause him a world of hurt when he started school. My heart went out to him, too. Kids have enough problems growing up without being unnecessarily disfigured as well.
I have a very close friend who has a cleft palate. She and I have been friends since high school, and her mother and I worked together for a year a half.
When she was a few weeks old, her mother was shopping with her. A woman she knew, but didn’t like, stopped her. “God, the poor thing.” She said. “Too bad she couldn’t be normal.”
My friend was beautiful in the eyes of her mother. She has since had plastic surgery every year, and still doesn’t look “normal.” A cleft palate means that you are born without the soft palate in the back of your mouth. So the surgeries have been to repair that, repair her nose, move her eyes around, and lots of mouth surgery. Cleft palates are not easy to solve, and they are not purely cosmetic problems. It’s a bigass hole in your mouth that leads to your nasal passages. If this kid did have a cleft palate, he’s in for a hard road.
My friend is also smart, funny, articulate, kind, and has had more boyfriends than I have. And she’d be the first to tell you that the last thing this kid in the mall needs is some stranger’s patronizing pity. I know the OP wasn’t meant to sound that way, but because this kid has a cleft palate doesn’t mean he’s gonna be stupid, or humorless or lonely. It just means he’ll have people staring at him for the rest of his life, no doubt thinking things like “that poor thing. Too bad he couldn’t have been normal.”
My father is a diability activist, and he is wont to say that the biggest battle the diabled population face is the battle against pity. I write this not to chide Johnny, who I’m sure is a really great guy, but just as another perspective on the matter.
SwimmingRiddles, FWIW I didn’t stare. Nor did I offer pity. But as you say, uncorrected a deformity can make for difficult times. Even if the difficulty is that other people are too empathetic. I am lucky enough that I was born healthy and whole, but I did get a taste of the burdensome well-meaning of others the first time I wrecked my knees. People always wanted to help. I couldn’t stand it. If I read your message right, you are saying that we should accept people as they are. I agree.
The reality is that this baby had something wrong with its mouth. (I don’t know if it was a cleft palate. Just one of those things I’ve heard is not uncommon. This kid looked as if she had a fishhook cutting into her lip and holding it up about half an inch. Hair lip? Something else?) That is something that can cause emotional pain if it isn’t fixed. But I have no doubt that it will be fixed. As I know, and as others have pointed out, such reconstructive surgery is routine.
What struck me was her eyes. They were so full of innocence and trust. Yes, although unoffered, I felt some pity. I hope it is a sign that my soul has not yet died. Dispite the lip, I thought it was a beautiful baby; and I’m sure the mother felt the same way.
That was poor choice of words, but if you strip it down to the essence, she was trying to say something like “I wish for her that she didn’t have to be born with a problem that is likely to cause her both physical and emotional discomfort at some point in her life”. Which isn’t such a bad thing to wish for anyone.
I think that’s what Johnny was saying too. Not pity. Not “Oh, what a shame she’s a freak”. Just “Wish it could have been different for you.”
Good on you, Johnny. It’s nice to see a stranger caring.