The Batmobile vs. the powerful Mach 5

Which would emerge victorious?

The Batmobile would whup the Mach 5’s ass.

The Batmobile is loaded with far more gadgets then the Mach 5, thus making it shoe-in the cool car category. I mean what’s the Mach 5 got? It can jump a little? Hell, any car in my barrio can do that. A buzz saw? I suppose if there was a competition to see which car can cut more slices of pizza that might be useful.

Not only that but the Batmobile is equipped with a phone not only to Commissioner Gordon, which allows Batman the ability to get The Man to clear any road for him so he doesn’t have to wait with you peasants, it also has a direct line to Madam Olga’s Exotic Massage Parlor, so Batman can relax after a hard day. Speed Racer ain’t got no phone, so he’s got to hang out with his lame-o family and their lame jokes. Although I suppose in a pinch Speed can spank his monkey.

On the off chance that the Mach 5 is faster than the Batmobile, the Batmobile is equipped with nukler missiles that would incinerate the Mach 5 long before it reached the finish line. The only hope Speed Racer would have of winning the race is if one of his bowling ball sized eyeballs shot over the finish line after he was eviscerated. Of course Batman, being the badass that he is, would just run it over out of spite.

Batman rules.

Ah, but does Batman keep a chimp stowed away in the Bat-trunk? I think not.

Yeah, and the Mach 5 can go under water, and has a bullet proof shield, and little birdy thing for some reason…And headlights that sweep back and forth.
And Speed has Racer M watching his back…Batman just has that wus robin and some dried up old butler.

Of course not.

He keeps the BatChimp on his utility belt.

No, he’s got Catwoman (and Robin every other Thursday since that’s “Playnight”). I suppose that gives Speed Racer an edge in the bestiality category, but I guess he has to be better at something.

No, he keeps him in the co-pilot seat. Calls him Robin.

This question is complicated, but I’ll give it a go. I’m going to assume you mean “Which would emerge victorious in a race?” because any other question would be ludicrous. First of all, we have to look at what they were each designed for. There have been several versions of the Batmobile over the years. From the 1960’s convertible to the modern movie armored vehicles, the films refuse to give any solid performance specs. The implication here, and I believe in the comics as well, is that the Batmobile is fast enough to catch whatever criminal is threatening Gotham this week. Criminals, being a dastardly bunch, tend to have cars with rockets, springs, machinegun turrets, oil slick, and whatever trademarked gimmick the particular villain is fond of. As such, the Batmobile is forced to carry a wide range of gadgets to deal with these variable threats. The result is that the Batmobile is loaded down with a bat-grappling hook, bat-luggage rack, bat-cellphone, and so on. The utility of a multi-purpose vehicle is offset by the sacrifice in pure speed and acceleration. Now I’m not claiming the Batmobile isn’t fast. I’m merely saying that it’s only as fast as it has to be. As long as it gets Bats to the crime scene in the nick of time, it has served its function.
The Mach 5 on the other hand was designed for one purpose: racing. It has extraordinary speed and maneuverability. I will use the analogy of the Phillips Head screw. The Mach 5 is like the appropriate screwdriver, designed to fit the function. The Batmobile is like trying to turn the screw with a penny. While both might get the job done, the Mach 5 was clearly designed for this niche. In short, the Mach 5 is made to race; the Batmobile is made to fight crime. In the event of a race, the Mach five begins with this clear advantage.
Next we must look at drivers. I don’t want to spoil anything here, but Batman is actually millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. Sure, he turned his body into a lethal weapon to confront injustice, right wrongs, and strike menacing poses in the dark. However, I have seen no evidence that he is a better driver than your average Joe. Let’s look at the evidence: when engaged in vehicular combat with a villain, will Batman:

A)Use his extraordinary driving skills to evade the attack and then dazzle the criminal with his mastery of the road?

B)Fall back on one of his lame dues ex machina gadgets?

C)Give the villain the bat-finger?

That’s right. He’ll choose B every time. He may be skilled as a crimefighter, but behind the wheel Batman is just another punk. On the other hand…

Speed Racer was born and bred for the racing circuit. Hell, he could hardly have avoided it with a moniker like “Speed Racer.” You might even say destiny was pumping his gas. Even at his tender age, he drives like a seasoned pro. His adversaries stare in awe as he performs automotive feats that sometimes break the laws of cartoon physics. Even when they cheat, sabotage, and gang up on him, Speed refuses to sink to their level. And he still wins the race.

Finally, let’s take a look at theme songs. Speed Racer’s theme clearly states:

A clear indication of Speed’s ability to make good in even the most perilous of situations. Contrast with:

I think the evidence speaks for itself. The Mach 5 has the design, the driver, and the theme song. Batman may be the Dark Knight, but Speed will always be a Demon on Wheels.
I hope this answers your question.

That’s Racer X. What kind of dork are you? Obviously not up to my level of dorkiness, or you’d know the proper names of all those obscure characters from 70’s Japanimation…:stuck_out_tongue:

And FabioClone,
Bravo! That was hilarious. I’m cracking up here!

For about a 100 grand (that’s 100K to you kids) you too can have a Mach 5 replica (sans gadgets). There’s a guy that builds them out of a specific Corvette model, I think. I saw his webpage once a while back. I’d provide a link, but I can’t find it now. Maybe he stopped making them.
This guy has made replicas of both the AdamWestMobile and the Mach 5. Check it out.

Tough choice. They are both amazing cars.

And don’t forget about this one:

and how to build the replicas:

Does it come with a chimp?


FabioCloneI beg to differ. Batman would use all three.

I point you to The Dark Knight Returns issue one. In the opening pages of said issue Bruce Wayne rips open the console of his race car with his bare hands to increase its performance and wins a race. Would you see Speed Racer do that? No, he’d be too afraid of breaking one of the nails on his pansy-ass manicured hands. So in a race between the two not only would Batman out drive Speed Racer he would perform upgrades on his car midrace. Then, after Speed Racer is left crying like a little girl, Batman would drive back to the Batcave where Alfred (who contrary to popular opinion is not an aged English Butler, but is in actuality Bruce Wayne’s Frankenstein-like creation of some of the most brilliant minds in history, including, but not limited to DaVinci , Ford, Hawking (he got his nervous system) and John Holmes) will make any repairs and upgrades necessary. Speed Racer on the other hand will head over to the local Jiffy Lube where Pops (who, I have heard on good authority, lost all feelings in his hands due to a mishap involving a bottle of tequila and a Thai banana girl) would try to duct tape Mach 5 back together, assuming he’s not out buying Depends.**

Although Batman would beat Speed Racer outright he wouldn’t take any chances. “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’” is Batman’s motto. Most likely he would shoot spikes into Speed Racer’s tires and laugh maniacally as Speed lost control and flew into horrified onlookers. Or he might leave one of those cards that reads “To see how to keep an idiot occupied flip this card over” printed on both sides underneath Speed’s windshield wiper before the race. If Speed ever figured that out it’d be long after the race was over and Batman was sipping on a bottle of Mad Dog from his wine cellar.

And to top everything else off he would then:

Okay, I’ll stop.

Asylum - I noticed you conveniently failed to address the issue of theme song superiority. Batman’s tune is hopelessly mired in the 60’s. Even worse, the newer Batman cartoon theme songs have no lyrics at all (as far as I know). Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that the low-down dirty cheating Batman you described somehow manages to pull ahead of Speed. What catchy ditty will play as he races along? How long until his adoring public turns on him, expecting better things out of a theme? How can he possibly avoid Speed Racer coming from behind to win the race?
Hell, even Knight Rider could whup the Batmobile. My station wagon could whup the Batmobile. The Popemobile could whup the Batmobile and still have time to perform the mass.

You forget that Batman also has five movies under his utility belt and full access to all the music that was on their soundtracks.

I imagine that if Batman somehow fell behind he would play R. Kelly’s “Gotham City” from the Batman and Robin soundtrack, which would force Speed from the road and into hiding thus forfeiting the race. I mean, would you want R. Kelly behind you?

We have yet to adress the issues of cost and quality controll.
The batmobile has millions of dollars supporting it and can afford to be made of the best, strongest, lightest materials, have an engine built to better tolerances and have the latest technology available for upgrading. We have a similar situation with knight rider, Kitt is the product of Wilton Knight’s fortune. The mach 5 team has to scrape by. Now, this is not to say the batmobile could outrun a formula 1 car, here the extreme specialization does take precedence, but one must point out that a formula 1 racer would have difficulty with the roughness of normal streets. the mach 5 does it’s share of cross country racing and is not specialized enough to beat the batmobile.
Now in terms of sheer durability Kitt is the hands down winner, duing the series he crashed through concrete walls, and steel doors on a reglar basis without a scratch, gets hit by bombs and flamethrowers, and falls off cliffs. The batmobile might survive some of these things but not all, and not without regular repairs to it’s structre.

Herbie The Love Bug beats them all! :slight_smile:

Followed closely by the Bandit in his Trans Am.

WHOA! hold it hold it hold it! I think we’re missing a huge chunk of question here…

The Adam West Batmobile (which sucked raw sewage through a rusty pipe) or the Tim-Burton-or-later Batmobile (which the Mach 5 stands not a chance against)?


Spank Chim-Chim?!?


The “birdy thing” is a recon camera and homing/tracking drone. In addition to what you mentioned, the Mach 5 also has built in buzz saws which can take out entire redwood forests, elevated jump jacks, infra-red night vision headlights, puncture proof non-skid tires and (to help combat the evil Car Acrobatic Team) glider wings.

And Batman would run like a little girl if he ever went up against the Mammoth Car.

I choose not to count the Adam West version due to the fact that it was primarilly for camp. Sort of a self-parody.